Boys of Summer
by keelan august
Summary: There's a new kid in town and Shinobu's having none of his guff...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was hot.Africa hot.The whirring of the fans was the only sound perceptible in the listless room.Well, that and the faint groans of first-year students taking final exams in the middle of a sweltering heat wave.

It was truly unconscionable, the way administration had scheduled the tests.Every other school in the greater Tokyo area had let out two weeks prior.In fact, stultified by heat and silence as the Ryokuto inmates were, one could almost imagine the splash of the public pool and the slurping of ice-cold coffees which the Academy boys were sure other first years were currently enjoying.The vision was enough to make a grown man cry. 

The only person not in hell was the silver-haired prince sitting in their midst. His tie, in a perfect double Windsor, was still tucked crisp and tight against his neck, not loosened and limp like his peers'.His white, short-sleeved shirt was unstained by dark patches of sweat.His face was cool marble compared to everyone else's flushed cheeks.To add insult to injury, the boy was done with his test.An hour early.All one hundred and fifteen questions.

The boy was sitting sideways in his chair, his legs stretched out in front of him and blocking the aisle.His left arm hung over the back of the chair absently while he twirled a pencil in his right hand.It seemed he was simply biding his time and remaining in the classroom out of spite.

Mitsuru Ikeda glanced up from his frantic scribbling and frowned mightily at his roommate's back.He willed Shinobu to fry, to experience the acute discomfort of those around him.He imagined roasting his friend in a cauldron of oil and counted with glee every drop of salty perspiration that dripped from Shinobu's hairline.It was evil of him, Mitsuru grudgingly acknowledged, but it was still a happy thought nonetheless.

"Tezuka, if you are quite finished, may I have your test booklet?And could you please leave?You're disturbing me." The ethics teacher loomed over the ice prince's desk and held out one hand for the exam, wiping his overheated brow with a handkerchief in the other.

Mitsuru snickered.Apparently, he wasn't the only one who felt unnerved by Shinobu's uncanny ability to lower his body temperature.A glare from his sensei made him gulp down the rest of his hilarity in mid-chortle.He began to choke.

"Ikeda!If you can't finish the test in an appropriate manner, you may join Tezuka outside!" The teacher swatted his student lightly on the head with the rolled up exam booklet.It was Shinobu's turn to smirk.

"Ah, gomen nasai, sensei!I'll behave!" Mitsuru bowed his head, properly penitent.

The teacher harrumphed and stalked back down the aisle.Behind him, Shinobu stood, languidly picked up his book bag by the handle and slung it over his shoulder.The boy headed for the door and it seemed to the other test takers that a cool wind followed in his wake.Every eye observed his exit in mute misery, Mitsuru's being one of them.The blonde was using the strength of his mind again, but not for torturous purposes this time.He wanted his roommate to turn around.

At the door, Shinobu hesitated and turned.

_Well, whaddaya know!The force is__ with me!Mitsuru cackled silently in glee._

He caught Shinobu's attention by stretching mightily.The blonde proceeded to pantomime eating a sandwich, and clasped his hands in supplication, begging at his friend with pleading amethyst eyes.Shinobu almost smiled at the boy's antics then shook his head once in negation, a wicked gleam sparking from his grey orbs.Mitsuru pouted then clutched at his stomach dramatically and made to fall from his chair in mock hunger.This time, Shinobu did grin.

"Ikeda!Out!" The ethics teacher barked sharply.He still had his back to the class but had obviously mastered the art of sensing his students' every move.

"But, sensei…"

"Out!And give me your test before you leave.Results will be posted tomorrow.I hope, for your sake, that your current grade in this class is sufficient enough to make up for this deficient mark."

Mitsuru muttered darkly under his breath but stood to do as he was told.His exit was less graceful and assured as his roommate's.As the door swung shut behind the pair, Mitsuru's voice was audible and thick with accusation.

"Now look what you've gone and done!"

"Me?Don't put this one me, Ikeda.I wasn't the one thinking with my stomach in there."

"Oho!So now it's my fault…"

The bickering faded and the whirring of the fans resumed prominence once more.With one, last collective sigh, the rest of the students buckled down and focused their thoughts back to the exam at hand.Two seats over from the recently vacated chairs, a dark-haired boy chewed at the nub of his pencil speculatively.But his mind was not on Bushido or the intricacies of feudal imperialism.Instead, he allowed his thoughts to fixate on the unruly blonde and his mysterious compatriot.

~

Lunchtime was a hushed affair.The heat still baked the classroom's occupants, and the boys found quickly enough that minimal movement was the key to gaining a modicum of relief.Bentos full of lumpy gyoza filled the immediate area with an aroma of garlic and pork.It was normally a mouth-watering smell, but today, with the sun's rays a tangible shimmer in the air, the smell was nauseating.

Blue eyes scoured the room alertly although the owner of those eyes lounged insouciantly against a window ledge.To the casual observer, the boy looked half-asleep, head on casement and cocked slightly to the left.His right leg was bent, foot planted behind him to rest on the wall.His left elbow was clasped negligently by the opposite hand.Ryan Sakata practiced this pose religiously in front of a full-length mirror every night.

In his ears were plugged miniscule earphones, from which blasted the latest single from Incubus.Ryan resisted the urge to bob his head to the beat; this would mar the air of studied nonchalance he was cultivating.Rather, the boy allowed the jangling rhythm to wash over him as he continued his observation of the room and its inhabitants.

So this was the famed Ryokuto Academy, one of Tokyo's premier private schools for boys.It was famed for producing prime fodder for top colleges, which, in turn, churned out ambitious state officials and ruthless businessmen.Or so Ryan's father had orated, ad naseum, for an entire hour after dinner last night.The boy had vowed to hate it with every fiber of his American-born soul.

And the hate was justified that day.What school would expect a new student to endure final exams when said new student had no inkling of what was being examined?Ethics, for the love of Pete!What did Ryan know of ethics?Did they even offer ethics classes in any high school in California?Highly doubtful.It was supremely lucky for the boy that his father had inculcated Japanese into his skull since birth or Ryan wouldn't even have known that the exam was about ethics to begin with.

Gah!The entire situation was ridiculous!It was July.Prime beach time.Ryan missed the sweet surf at Seal Beach, the fly honeys in Newport, the cool ride his best friend, Moon, had been gifted with right before Ryan had been blind-sided by the news that his father was moving him to a different country.The boy inwardly raged at the injustice of it all.Oh, Dad had given him multiple explanations for the immigration, touting Ryan as the number one reason.Ryan didn't argue; he knew, of course.But he didn't have to like it…

_My God!That smell!What the hell are they eating?What I would give for an In-N-Out burger right about now!_

Ryan started salivating at the prospect then his little bubble of yummy goodness burst as another blast of heat assailed him.There would be no In-N-Out, no fly honeys, no sweet surf.He was stuck in this god-forsaken school surrounded by god-forsaken people who probably didn't even know the difference between Linkin Park and Papa Roach.Reality was a bitch.

The doors swung open and a loud shout of unadulterated exuberance parted the curtain of heat that shrouded the room.

"Oi, children!Look what Papa Ikeda brought for your sorry souls!"

The blond-haired boy held up plastic bags that clanked merrily.Through the translucence, Ryan spied the letters "UCC".Beer?It had to be, by the way the other boys swarmed over their classmate in their haste to grab a can.Nothing but alcohol could induce such a stampede from any of his friends back home.

Tops were popped and eager slurps, interrupted by hasty "arigato"s, filtered through the rousing rendition of "Drive".Ryan was half-tempted to pull the earphones from his ears and join the crew when a new smell wafted his nostrils.

Coffee.These losers were going ga-ga over coffee!Oh, man…

"Hey, new kid!Want one?"Mitsuru made to toss a can Ryan's way.His friendly overture was rebuffed as the other boy stared at him silently for a second longer than was polite then closed his eyes, effectively shutting everyone out.

"What's with him?" 

The boy Mitsuru had jostled with an elbow looked up from his can and shrugged his shoulders."Don't know.He's been like that since lunch started.Just leaning on that window and listening to some really loud music.We tried talking to him earlier but…well, I don't think he speaks the language, you know?"

"Oh, sure!" Mitsuru scoffed. "He doesn't speak the language!Baka!"He swiped at the other boy's shoulder good-naturedly."He wouldn't be here if he didn't know Japanese!"

"You go talk to him, then!"

"Maybe I will," Mitsuru took on a semi-belligerent tone at the challenge inherent in the other boy's comment.

"What kind of trouble are you getting into now?" A new voice interrupted.Its tone was one of amused long-suffering.

"Ah, Tezuka! Just the man I wanted to see.What took you so long?You were right behind me."Mitsuru tried to throw a sweaty arm around his friend's shoulders.Shinobu neatly side-stepped the gesture, and his roommate, used to such fastidiousness, opted for a small punch to the gut instead.

"I was detained by the shopkeeper.You conveniently forgot to pay for those coffees again."

"Are you mad at me?" Mitsuru asked teasingly.

"Not really.I'll just add it to the monumental tab you've managed to accrue since the beginning of this term."

Mitsuru grinned, undeterred."Thanks, Shin."

"Don't call me that."

Shinobu's eyes crinkled faintly in what passed as a smile for him.Mitsuru caught the good humor and didn't take offense at the other's seemingly curt order. 

In the months since the two had first met and become instantaneous friends, Shinobu had only let his guard down twice that Mitsuru could remember.The first time was when he'd entered Room 211 before school started and found his new roommate shifting through piles of clothing laying haphazardly all over the floor.Shinobu had exploded over the mess and was cajoled out of his ire only after Mitsuru had sworn never again to ignore hangers.

The second time was during the middle of their second month at Ryokuto, when the blonde had almost gotten into a fight with another dormer over a comment about his gang-affiliated past.Defending his honor, Mitsuru was within an inch of giving up the ghost under the bigger boy's pummeling when Shinobu had come upon the scuffle.The sight of his roommate's purpling eye and bloody nose was enough to send Shinobu into a manic fit.He'd dragged the older boy off Mitsuru and had taken him aside to speak at him fiercely.Mitsuru never did find out what was said, but ever since then, that particular dormer always gave both him and Shinobu wide berth when passing them in the halls.

Two incidents of unleashed emotion.Not bad, considering it had been Mitsuru who had gotten a rise out of his friend on both occasions.The blonde took great pride in being the only person capable of shattering the ice prince's now-infamous calm. Of course, he knew better than to play with fire; Shinobu unleashed was kind of scary.So Mitsuru chose wisely the days when he pressed his friend's buttons.Today felt like one of those days.

"Hey, Shin," Mitsuru dared to repeat the pet name. "Ishida here says that the new kid doesn't speak any Japanese.And I say he does.Now, this looks like a wager about to happen here.And we need you to officiate.So, you go over there and find out for us, ne?"

Shinobu did not take kindly to orders, no matter how carefully phrased as a request.And he certainly didn't like to solicit friendship where none had been previously offered.He narrowed his grey eyes.Mitsuru was walking a fine line…

"What do I get out of this little venture?" he asked dangerously.

"Well, if I win, Ishida pays for today's coffee break.Right, Ishida?" Mitsuru clamped a hand over the other boy's mouth and nodded his head for him.

Shinobu grunted at the helpless boy in his roommate's relentless grasp and stalked across the room.He was a walking container of composed irritation.About four feet from the seemingly oblivious target, the new kid's eyes flew open. Blue bored into grey.A tendril of mute contention and sudden understanding flared between the two boys.In that brief instant, an immediate rivalry blossomed and was acknowledged by both.

Ryan pushed off from the window ledge carelessly and pulled the earphones off.He took his time coiling the wire around a curved fist, never breaking eye contact with Shinobu.He hit the pause button of his MP3 player then slowly extended his right hand.

"So, you're the hot shit around here.Pleased to meet you.I'm Ryan Sakata."

Shinobu blinked first.The new kid spoke flawless Japanese.

  



	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

"Freedom!" Mitsuru shouted and stretched his arms wide as if to pull the summer in close and give it a rapturous hug.

"Can you get any louder?I don't think the dead can hear you."

"Ah, Shinobu!You really know how to suck the joy out of life, don't you?"

"It's one of my many talents," the other boy answered modestly.

Mitsuru snorted inelegantly then looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye.He paused and a devilish smile played tag on his flushed face.He started to bounce on his heels.Shinobu watched him with growing horror.

"Oh, no.No, Mitsuru.Not again.Don't do it."

"Why not?" the blonde started bouncing more pronouncedly.

"Please.I beg you."

The plea went unheeded.

"Banzai!" Mitsuru hollered at the top of his lungs before he vaulted to a run in mid-bounce and proceeded to cartwheel down the tree-canopied avenue. 

Shinobu raised his eyes heavenward before shutting them resignedly.His name didn't mean "long-suffering" for nothing.About five feet away, his insane roommate hooted and beckoned wildly like an Olympic gymnast on crack.Shinobu hurried to catch up with him, intent on shutting up his friend before the nice men with the white coats came in their nice padded truck.

"It's fun!You should try it!" Mitsuru pulled at the other boy's sleeve, looking like nothing so much as an eager puppy worrying at a new ball.

"No."

"Come on!"

"No."

"Joy sucker!"

"Yup."Shinobu gave his friend an uncharacteristically chipper smile.

"Whoa!Stop the presses!Tezuka is smiling.And I see teeth, even!"

Shinobu bit his lip to stop the grin that refused to die, but Mitsuru's teasing good humor was infectious and, after glancing around to make sure no one he knew was around, Shinobu allowed his mouth to curve in helpless glee.

"Oh, this has got to be good.Spit it out, my friend.What's got you so giddy?"

"Nothing much," the silver-haired boy walked past the other, whistling, which was difficult to do around a grin that just wouldn't quit.

"This doesn't have anything to do with what we just read, does it?The posted standings?The fact that a certain Shinobu Tezuka received the highest marks and the coveted number one position in the first year class?"Mitsuru clasped his hands behind his back and loped beside his smug roommate.

"Perhaps."The ice prince was annoyingly unforthcoming.And still he grinned.

"Well, color me stunned!This makes three," Mitsuru said aloud wonderingly.

"Three what?" The apparent non sequitur caught his friend's attention and gave him pause.The two boys were nearing the gates of Greenwood Dormitory and its hundred-odd rooms.There were plenty of places for Mitsuru to duck into and hide and Shinobu was not about to let his roommate leave him hanging with that mysterious comment.

"Nothing," the blonde responded in the same exact tone his companion had used not a few seconds earlier.

Before Shinobu could wrestle his thoughts out of him, Mitsuru abruptly changed the subject. "So, are you going home for the summer?"

Shinobu gave him a measuring look before moving on down the path.Mitsuru flushed.He didn't know much about his roommate's background beyond what the other boy had grudgingly revealed that year.All Mitsuru knew was that Shinobu held his family in scornful regard.Mitsuru never dared ask why.Sunny his disposition might be, but he had secrets of his own he was loath to give up.So Mitsuru respected Shinobu's privacy as he expected Shinobu to respect his.Ah, juste-milieu!

"So, we're both stuck at Greenwood!What kind of damage do you think we can cook up together?"Mitsuru's eyes closed in mock swoon as he savored the thought of potential hijinks and thus missed the inexplicable look that flitted across Shinobu's face at his words.

"What are you gonna do now?" Mitsuru surfaced from his mischievous musings and cocked his head at his friend.The dorm loomed tall in the horizon.

"Clean.Organize.Put away school clothes and air out civilian attire."

"You are such a priss sometimes!It's our first day of summer vacation, for crying out loud!"

"Well, what are your plans of outrageous derring-do?"

"Ah, I feel like running."

"In this heat?You were complaining about it all day yesterday!" Shinobu was incredulous.

"But that was school heat," Mitsuru began to explain patiently."This is now vacation heat.And vacation heat demands a few good laps around the track.Gotta keep in shape, you know."The boy patted his already-trim abs seriously.

Again, the inexplicable look.This time, Mitsuru caught it.

"What?What?!Why are you looking at me like that?"Do I have something on my face?"Mitsuru clutched at his cheeks and began to brush off imagined dirt.

"No, nothing."Shinobu hastily averted his gaze and continued toward the gates of the dormitory. His friend rushed after him, still swiping at his face.

"Are you sure?"

"Vanity, thy name is Ikeda!" Shinobu intoned, amused and composed once more."Yes, I'm sure.Go do your laps.I'll come get you for dinner?"

"Hai.Hey, Shinobu?" Mitsuru called up at his friend as the ice prince mounted the front stoop."What do you think of the new kid?"

Shinobu hesitated on his way up Greenwood's steps.In the second it took to blink, the boy's thoughts raced through the events of the previous day.When he had shaken Sakata's hand.When neither boy had let go of the painful grip until Mitsuru had come to them with the rest of the class and slapped Sakata on the shoulder.When everyone had clustered around the boy and began chattering at him, asking him about America.When even Mitsuru had hung on every word that came out of the boy's suddenly expressive lips as he waxed wistful over foreign-sounding places like Westwood and Melrose.

When the feeling of usurpation Shinobu had sensed as their eyes had locked for the first time came rising up like an angry tsunami and crashed all around him.Ryan Sakata.Shinobu's mind let out an inarticulate growl.

Without turning around to look at his roommate, the silver-haired boy answered."I try not to.Think about him, that is." He was lying through his teeth.

And with this cryptic comment, Shinobu entered the cool confines of the dorm.

  



	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

Two miles later and Mitsuru wasn't even breaking a sweat.A miracle, that, considering the summer blaze.Mitsuru felt proud, almost Shinobu-like in his apparent success in controlling his body temperature.As if to prove the existence of Murphy's Law, however, perspiration suddenly beaded his brow as he completed another half a lap, and Mitsuru grinned wryly._I knew it was too good to be true._

As he rounded the track to complete mile number three, the blonde spied company through the chain link fence enclosing the school track.Squinting his eyes from the direct glare of the sun and slowing to a jog, Mitsuru could just make out a figure sitting against one of the trees that ringed the outer perimeter.Since the stranger was half-hidden by shade, it took a while and several more meters before the blonde could successfully identify the newcomer.

It was the new kid.

Mitsuru debated whether or not to approach him.Although Sakata had seemed friendly enough yesterday, Mitsuru was not blind; he had seen the almost tangible charge of challenge that had sparked between the new boy and his roommate.And Mitsuru's first loyalties were to Shinobu.Still, Sakata fascinated him and indecision plagued him.

Ten more meters and he would be abreast of the boy.It seemed Sakata was unaware of his presence and Mitsuru took the opportunity to size up the other boy.

Sakata had a small notebook propped against knees that were drawn up almost to his chest.One hand held a pen that was being twirled adeptly between long fingers.The other clutched a half-smoked cigarette between index and middle finger while the heel of the palm rested against a brow knit in a thoughtful frown.

_He looks like a Rodin sculpture, Mitsuru thought to himself and immediately felt proud that he had retained some of the knowledge from his art appreciation class._

Five meters and Mitsuru was able to make out a pair of dark shades resting precariously on a thatch of dark brown hair, curled slightly and cut short on the sides.In his ears were those ubiquitous earphones, plugged into the MP3 player by his side.Sakata wore a white, long-sleeved Oxford, rolled partway up his forearms, and a thick, white T-shirt underneath.A pair of faded jeans and black, thick-soled boots completed the ensemble.

_ _

_How can he stand this heat in that outfit? Mitsuru grimaced to himself and then stopped short.__And why am I thinking of clothes?Kuso, I've been hanging around Shin too long!_

He was in direct line of sight from Sakata now.Mitsuru stopped jogging altogether and walked slowly to the fence that separated clay from grass.He wiped at the sweat that now trickled freely down his face, then leaned against the chest-high chain link, elbows perched on the top rail.He had made his decision.

"Oi, Sakata!" 

The other boy looked up, startled.A flush stained his cheeks and Mitsuru wasn't sure whether it was due to the heat or embarrassment.This was getting better and better, though.If Sakata was embarrassed over something, Mitsuru knew he just had to find out why.He leaped over the fence gracefully and dogtrotted to cover the distance between them.

By the time Mitsuru reached him, Sakata had managed to close the notebook, the pen marking his spot, and tuck it under the MP3 player.He had pulled his earphones off and they dangled loosely from one hand.His knees were still bent, wrists hanging loose over them.He was looking at Mitsuru as if in wait for the other's company, but his expression was not welcoming.He remained seated.

"So this is what people do for kicks around here," Sakata commented, letting his blue eyes slide up and down Mitsuru's bedraggled state.

Was he being mocked?The blonde could not read the inscrutable boy.It was eerie.Sakata reminded him so much of Shinobu.Maybe that was why he was so fascinating…

"It's something," Mitsuru shrugged.

"You can't get enough of school that you hang around it during break?"

This time, Mitsuru was almost certain of the scorn behind those words.He was beginning to regret his decision to befriend the boy.

"Hey, I'm not the only one here, you know!I might ask you the same question," Mitsuru folded his arms across his chest and put on a mutinous scowl.

Ryan was stymied.He was not about to reveal to this virtual stranger that his father had taken off to the Philippines for yet another business trip, leaving his son alone in a half-unpacked apartment.And he was not about to reveal how, in his infinite loneliness, he had gravitated toward the school, it being the only place he was familiar with in this strange new world.

Ryan took a long drag from his cigarette to stall for time.He wanted to tread very carefully around this situation.He was already kicking himself for being so snide, although snide seemed to be the only thing that came out of his mouth nowadays.But Ryan had a sneaking suspicion that he could get to like this boy if given half the chance, and he didn't want to fuck things up again.He waited to compose his thoughts so that the next thing out of his mouth would not alienate the other boy further.

To Mitsuru, however, the hesitation smacked of insolence and the blonde felt his hackles rise.He was beginning to understand the antagonism Shinobu had for this enigma.This was a different Sakata from the one who had regaled the Academy boys with wild California stories yesterday.It was as if the boy was bipolar or something, running intermittently hot then cold like a faucet gone berserk.

Mitsuru was about to turn away and give it up as a lost cause when Sakata drew a long breath and unfolded his lanky frame from his sitting position.He dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and stubbed out the embers with the heel of his steel-toed Docs.He stuffed his earphones into his front pocket then ran a hand through his hair, nearly dislodging the forgotten shades before expertly catching them in mid-fall.He shrugged ruefully.

"Look, let's start over, okay?You're Mitsuru, right?"

"Ikeda," Mitsuru answered back sourly.He was not letting go of his ire so quickly; he didn't want to seem a push-over.And he didn't think he wanted this rude jerk to use his first name just yet.

"Ikeda, then.Well, Ikeda, do you mind telling me why someone would go running like a mad dog in this crazy heat?Inquiring minds want to know."

The disarming tone took Mitsuru off guard.Bipolar, indeed!But the blonde's intrinsically cheery disposition overrode any irritation he still harbored.It just wasn't in Mitsuru's nature to hold a grudge where none was needed.Sakata was making an effort; he would meet him halfway.

"It's vacation heat.It's not so bad."

Rather than questioning this obscure comment, Sakata grinned widely.The sudden cracking of his stoic façade softened the boy's features, transforming harsh concrete into liquid amber.The smile was something akin to every metaphor about suns coming out of clouds and such; it made him seem warmer yet even more unapproachable at the same time.Mitsuru staggered under the heat of that hundred-watt blaze.

"Ack!Now I see why you don't smile more often.You're lethal with that thing, aren't you?" 

"It's been known to impress the honeys."

The two boys exchanged wickedly knowing smirks then burst into guffaws.Nothing induces immediate male bonding as quickly as raging testosterone.Ryan leaned back against the tree with one hand.It hurt to laugh so hard.But it felt good, too.He couldn't remember when he'd laughed so completely.He sank to his haunches, helpless.Was this true amusement he was feeling or just a release of all the tension and anger and sorrow he'd been feeling since he'd found out…?

No!Ryan pushed back his treacherous thoughts.He would not let them ruin this moment.His first friend in Japan.And he was as blond and potentially as dangerous as Moon.God, this was rich!

"You never answered my question," Mitsuru had calmed down to mild chuckles and was now sprawled on the grass beside the other boy, stomach down and chin cushioned by folded hands.His head was cocked to one side like an inquisitive sparrow.

"Which was?"

"What you're doing here.See, I have an excuse.I'm not going home for summer break and the dorm's just around the corner.Since I haven't seen you hang around, I figured you lived off campus.And the nearest apartments are at least a train ride away…" Mitsuru trailed off as he was subjected to that brilliant smile again."What?"

"Checking me out?"

The phrase came out before Ryan could think over the implications of those words.Once out, however, the boy felt heat rising to his cheeks._I am an unbelievable ass.Now he'll think I'm queer or something._

Mitsuru was blithely ignorant of the verbal faux pas, however.He was too busy trying to sidle ever closer to the other boy.

_Okay, correction.Maybe he__ is queer!_

Ryan was about to shove Mitsuru aside and make a playful remark to defuse the situation when he realized he was not the object of the blonde's attention.Mitsuru was staring with fixed panic over his shoulder.He looked like nothing so much as a rabbit facing down a cobra.Ryan swiveled his head and saw two girls fast approaching them.One was a petite brunette, her hair tied back in a long ponytail against the suffocating heat.Accompanying her was a willowy blonde.Both wore determined looks on their faces.It was they who had Ryan's new friend in a dither.

Ryan rose slowly to his feet and Mitsuru reluctantly did the same, although the shorter boy managed to hide his body partway behind Ryan's lanky frame.Interesting, that.

"You're the new kid, aren't you?" The brunette snapped her gum and spoke without preamble.

"News travels fast around here," Ryan answered with casual ease.He had a problem making friends with boys.Girls, on the other hand, were a different matter altogether.

"Oh, we make sure we know who's new in town.Especially someone as good looking as you."The brunette had no shame as she peeked through long lashes and smirked at her target.

"And I don't blame you," Ryan bantered, completely in his element."This is my friend, Ikeda, by the way."He shoved the other boy front and center.

Mitsuru had no choice but to make eye contact with the two girls and bow politely.The blonde cringed inwardly._Here it comes, he thought.__They're gonna swoon all over me and then I'll have to fend them off all summer!_

But instead of the usual fawning he was accustomed to from those of the opposite sex, the brunette merely flicked him a perfunctory glance then fixed her attention back to Ryan.The taller girl did look at him a bit longer, an appraising gleam in her eye that made Mitsuru distinctly uneasy.But before he could entertain that panicky feeling, she dismissed him as her friend had done and turned toward the other boy.

_Amazing!Mitsuru gaped at Ryan.The blonde didn't know whether to be extremely grateful to his female shield or miffed that his throne was being usurped by this pretender._

Ryan had moved a bit away from Mitsuru, perhaps sensing the other's hesitation and giving him time to come to terms with whatever bothered him.The taller boy's back was to his new friend and he continued his flirtation with the girls, hands in pockets and shoulders slumped in a picture of cool nonchalance.Mitsuru was still trying to decide on his feelings for the situation when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder.

"I thought you were running."

Mitsuru turned to see Shinobu behind him.His roommate was impeccably clad as usual, breaking nary a drop of sweat in khakis and a light cream-colored sweater, cut low and loose to reveal stark collarbones.Mitsuru studied him for half a moment then glanced back at Ryan.The other boy looked as cool in his jeans and long sleeves as if it was a balmy 75 degrees out and not the currently pushing triple digit temperature.

_Why am I the only one hating the heat here? Mitsuru wailed to himself plaintively._

"Mitsuru?" Shinobu's question was pointed.

"I _was running.Then I sort of got distracted."_

"I see."

"Hai!Sakata was just sitting here and he looked lonely, you know?So I came over and we started talking and he's really friendly once you get past the --- what?"Mitsuru did not like the scowl forming in Shinobu's grey eyes.

"We're late for dinner." The silver-haired boy managed to make the innocuous statement sound accusatory.

"Oh, I know!I was getting that rumbly feeling in my stomach and I was about to suggest food to Sakata when --- what?!"This time, Mitsuru could not mask the exasperation from his voice as he watched Shinobu's jaw tighten imperceptibly.

"You were going to suggest food.To Sakata."His roommate spat out the words forbiddingly.

"Hai?" Mitsuru's tone hitched high, half-bewildered and half-challenging.He knew Shinobu didn't like the other boy, but he had never really given Sakata half a chance, had he?And it was just food, for crying out loud!It wasn't as if Mitsuru had invited the new boy to become his best friend or anything!

"Let's just go, ne?" Shinobu was suddenly weary of the bickering."You're acquaintance seems to be busy at the moment anyway." That last bit was announced with scornful sharpness.

It was unfortunate for Ryan that the girls decided to cut their conversation short just then.They made to leave, waving good-bye and calling out exhortations for Ryan to phone them soon.The boy ran his hand through his hair, a seemingly habitual affectation, and waved back.Then he turned to address his new friend, planning on ribbing the blonde about his apparent shyness with the ladies.He was confronted by a pair of steely grey eyes.

_Oh, damn.Ryan had forgotten about the watch dog._

"Tezuka."

"Sakata."

Again with the underlying challenge.Again with the ill-concealed venom.Again with the long, charged look that neither boy seemed inclined to back down from.If a third party didn't do anything, it promised to be a very long night.Mitsuru's stomach grumbled.

"Oi, Shin!I'm hungry!Didn't you say we're late for dinner?If we don't move, we'll miss out on some really yummy miso soup!"

Shinobu's eyes flickered briefly in acknowledgement and that was all that was needed to demagnetize the poles.He broke contact and walked slowly toward his roommate, his back unwavering in his graceful retreat.

Ryan sighed inwardly with relief although his face was still fixed in an impassive mask.He knew danger when he smelled it, and this boy positively reeked of it.However, that contrary part of him - the part that had gotten him into all sorts of trouble back home - relished the danger, even sought it.Yet even thrill seekers recognized the need to know the layout of a terrain before attempting to conquer it.This Tezuka was unknown territory.Ryan would wait.His time would come soon enough.

It was too bad, really, that Ikeda was saddled with such a sour bastard.Ryan knew, even in that brief moment of camaraderie they had shared, that the blonde was something akin to a kindred spirit.God, he even made him think of Moon!That had to count for something…

Ryan was not about to give up his new friend without a fight.He didn't care about first dibs.That's not the way the game is played if one wanted to win.And Ryan wanted to win.Desperately.He wanted one good thing in his life and, unlike Ikeda, he held no loyalties to this silver-haired freak.

"Hey, Mitsuru!You running tomorrow?" Ryan called out.

"Hai!" The blonde hollered cheerily even as his roommate dragged him away firmly by the arm. He was now stumbling backwards, pulled further and further away from the track by his quietly fuming friend.Mitsuru knew better than to try to shrug away from Shinobu's iron grasp, but he was too stubborn and too much his own man to submit easily.

"Cool.Maybe I'll see you then."Ryan walked back to the tree that had proved a steadfast guard to his notebook.With the toe of his boot, he kicked it up and caught it and the pen that flew out from it in one deft grasp.

Mitsuru saw this skillful feat, as the other boy had intended, and gave him an approving thumbs' up."Hai!I'll talk to you later, then, Sakata!"

"It's Ryan.Just call me Ryan!"

"Okay, Ryan!Ja!"The words floated back on the faint breeze that signaled day's end and a cooling evening.

It was unclear whether or not Mitsuru had intended anything by it, but Shinobu was not the only one who caught the meaning behind the exchange.Ryan smiled, its glow dimmed by the calculation that found its way into his blue eyes.He had called Mitsuru by his first name.And Mitsuru had not stopped him.In fact, Mitsuru had returned the favor.Ryan watched the boys' retreating figures.Like yin and yang, those two.But were they really inseparable?

Tokyo wasn't going to be so bad after all.

  



	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

"You're going out."It was a statement, not a question, and it was delivered flatly.

"Yes."

"Running again?"

"Yes."

"With all the running you've been doing recently, you're sure to make team captain when school starts."

"You think?"

Shinobu grunted in what could have been taken as an affirmative.He reshuffled the papers on his desk randomly, his back to his roommate.He had not made eye contact with Mitsuru at all since he'd initiated the conversation.But it was something; the two hadn't exchanged more than half-hearted good mornings since the day began.

"So what are your big plans today?" Mitsuru's tone was determinedly light.

"Nothing special." Shinobu's response brooked no encouragement, but his roommate clung to the meager hope his comment afforded and forged on.

"Then why don't you come with me?It's starting to cool down and you've been cooped up in here since Friday and…"

"No."

The temperature in the room suddenly dropped a good ten degrees but both boys fiercely ignored the miasma of tension that seemed to hover like a hungry cloud.It had converged on them ever since that day at the track and it was steadily suffocating their friendship with its oppressive weight.But neither boy had wanted to put name to it; doing so would have been an affirmation that it existed.

"Well, if you're sure then…?" Mitsuru trailed off hesitantly, still hoping for a break in the storm.

All he received was silence, punctuated by the rustling of papers being endlessly shuffled.Mitsuru let out an audible sigh, and because his back was to him, Shinobu wasn't quite sure whether the sigh was one borne of anger or exasperation.

It was this uncertainty that spurred him out of his self-imposed exile.Shinobu decided he'd had enough of stoicism. He missed his roommate.He missed the laughter and the easy companionship they had shared since they'd first met.This ongoing estrangement was not how he had pictured his summer vacation to be.Damn his pride!This would end now.

Shinobu turned around in his chair eagerly, ready to air out the dirty laundry and clear things between him and his friend.He was just in time to watch the dorm room door snick shut behind the blonde.

Damn his pride.

Sunlight dappled in through partly drawn curtains and the canopy of low-slung trees outside the window.The effect was sickly, as if the room had developed a sudden case of chicken pox.Shinobu grimaced and decided it was time to confront his feelings before he got even more maudlin and morose.

I don't own Mitsuru.He is his own person.He is independent.He doesn't cling; he's not needy.I like this about him; it's why we get along so well in the first place.He is free to be friends with whomever he wants, regardless of my opinions on the matter.

Shinobu almost managed to convince himself.He laid aside the stack of papers he had been obsessively organizing and stood to wander to the open window.What was it about Sakata that rattled his chains until he couldn't hear himself think?Why did thoughts of the boy conjure up a churning in his gut and a tightening in his temples?

Could it be that Sakata reminded him too much of himself?Could he truly be that narcissistic that he could not allow anyone else who remotely resembled him have a share of the spotlight?Shinobu remembered the way the other boys in the class had clustered around Sakata that first day and gritted his teeth.Was that it, then?Was the reason for this antipathy as prosaic as that?

Staring sightlessly out the window, the sharp beams of mid-afternoon sun lancing across his cheekbones, Shinobu harrumphed to himself.Petty, petty!If his antagonism toward Sakata stemmed from his own insecurities, then there was no reason for him to take it out on Mitsuru.It wasn't fair to his roommate.

And besides, who was the one who had made top of the list in academic standings?Who was the one who had next year's student council presidency in the bag?Shinobu had been acting the threatened alpha male for nothing…

But the nagging unease persisted.Shinobu ruthlessly plucked it from the poison tree festering within and held it up to the light.It wouldn't be rooted in…jealousy?No.Jealousy implied the existence of another emotion that the boy simply did not want to admit to being there.Yes, he'd been roommates with Mitsuru for a year and in that time they had become as close as brothers.Yes, they were compatriots, partners in crime, the dynamic duo.But surely the dynamic duo had room for a sidekick?

_Yes, but not him__!_

And it all came full circle, back to Sakata.Shinobu fisted at his eyes with his knuckles and groaned.He was acting like a spurned lover.And his imagined rival was a skinny nonentity from America.What _was it about the supercilious bastard that set his teeth on edge?Shinobu wished he could pinpoint it in order to effectively exorcise it from his mind._

This is ridiculous.And pointless.I'm tying myself up into knots when this could all be resolved by simply talking it over with Mitsuru.Since when have we ever walked on eggshells around each other?I'll just wait for him to get back, tell him how I feel and…

And what?Make Mitsuru choose between him and the new boy?Because that's what his friend would have to do; Shinobu was not prepared to make nice with Sakata.Not a chance in hell.

_I need to get out.Too much thinking can't be healthy for me.If I stay here and dwell, I'm liable to do something rash.Like call up Nagisa and ask her to a movie or something._

Shinobu shuddered at how low he'd apparently sunk to even entertain _that thought.He grabbed his wallet, checked to make sure his train pass was in it along with some spare yen, and headed out the door.As he bounded down the stairs, calling out hasty hellos to the few dormers who had also decided to stay on that summer, Shinobu's mind was already whirring._

_A visit to the dojo to see if any of my old judo buddies are available for a quick spar.The manga store.Then perhaps a frosty beverage at the local coffee shop.I've lived without Mitsuru for almost fifteen years; I think I still remember how to amuse myself without him, the boy muttered to himself._

He deliberately chose to ignore the forlorn little voice that told him his adventures in town would be infinitely more fun if only a certain blonde accompanied him.

**  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

"I'm bored." Mitsuru yawned to emphasize his point.

"Yeah?So'm I.Whaddaya want to do about it?" Ryan lazily pelted him with the unpopped kernels of corn from the bottom of the bowl.

The two boys were both prone in the middle of Ryan's living room floor, idly watching a mind-numbing meccha anime on TV.The afternoon sun was sinking fast and Mitsuru had to keep shifting to his left to avoid the glare from the naked windows.Being that the room was empty except for the television and the cart it perched on, this was not as difficult as it should have been.

"I could help you unpack." Mitsuru offered, glancing at several boxes that lined the perimeter of the room.

"What are you talking about?We're already unpacked." Ryan gestured at the framed art on the walls.

Mitsuru started to laugh at what he thought was a joke then realized his new friend was being entirely serious.He looked around the room, remembered the empty pantry and the refrigerator stocked with nothing but sad little cartons of take-out food, and added this to list of puzzles he was currently collecting regarding Ryan.

Although he'd been to the apartment every day for the past week, Ryan had always hustled Mitsuru out the door before the boy could give the place more than a cursory once-over.He had assumed Ryan wanted to keep him out because he was embarrassed of the unkempt state that usually occurs when in the midst of a move.Apparently he was wrong.

The only reason the two had ended up at the apartment today was because even Ryan had succumbed to the relentless summer heat and had grudgingly agreed to spend the afternoon indoors.Since both boys had not felt like traipsing about the malls and since Ryan was still persona non grata at Greenwood, Shinobu holing up at the dorm and all, Ryan's apartment had been their only refuge.

So Mitsuru was finally allowed in the sanctum sanctorum.And it wasn't as mysterious as he'd made it out to be.Just a regular apartment, albeit sans furniture.True, the blonde had not been given the grand tour; Ryan's bedroom had remained firmly closed to prying eyes.But there were no blood stains on the carpet, no mystical symbols painted on the walls.Mitsuru had chided himself and his overactive imagination.Still, there were other puzzles that remained.

Why had Ryan moved to Japan when he was so obviously unhappy here?Had he been forced to leave California?If so, why?Did it have anything to do with his father?These questions kept Mitsuru up nights, to the point where Shinobu actually broke his self-imposed silent treatment one night and told him in no uncertain terms that if he tossed and turned one more time that night he would end up tied to his bunk, compliments of a very irritated Shinobu.

Then there was the notebook.What was up with that?Ryan was never without it, scribbling in it while he waited for Mitsuru to finish his laps around the track.But the one time the blonde had inquired about it, Ryan's face had pinched tight and he had hastily changed the subject, tucking the black book protectively in the crook of his arm.

Ryan also never discussed his family. All Mitsuru knew was that Ryan was an only child and his mother had died three years ago.Even that meager bit of information had to be dragged out from the reluctant boy, and only after Mitsuru had given him some information about himself.Of Ryan's father, Mitsuru knew almost nothing.On that topic, Ryan was completely, stubbornly unforthcoming.And since the man was always "away on business", whatever that meant, Mitsuru really had no way of solving that mystery on his own.

He wished Shinobu were with him; he'd be able to get to the bottom of everything.

"You can leave if you want," Ryan's voice, calm and cold, interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" 

"If you have something better to do, like hang out with Tezuka."

"Shinobu?What…?" Mitsuru bolted up and looked properly flustered.Then realization dawned on him."Oh.I said that out loud, didn't I?"He had the grace to look sheepish.

Ryan's eyes narrowed and Mitsuru was making ready to be banished from Sakata land when the other boy apparently seemed to make up his mind about something.He pushed off from the floor and towered over Mitsuru, his hand outstretched and an enigmatic glimmer in his eyes.

"Come on.Let's go."

Mitsuru blinked, but clasped the proffered hand."Where are we going?"

"Change of scenery.All we've been doing is hanging out at the track or the basketball courts.I think it's time you showed me the wonderful world of downtown Tokyo." Ryan hauled his friend unceremoniously to his feet then began rooting around in his pockets."Damn.Hang on a minute."

As Ryan left for his bedroom with no further explanation, Mitsuru picked up the popcorn bowl from the floor and slowly made his way to the kitchen to put it away.It really wasn't his fault that the path to the kitchen was in direct line of sight with Ryan's bedroom door, now half ajar.

Mitsuru casually paused, absently fumbling for kernels while keeping his eyes trained on the sliver of light that escaped the room and spilled out into the gloom of the hallway.He wasn't spying.He was _eating, for crying out loud.He couldn't be expected to eat and walk at the same time, could he?_

The sun had finally set while Mitsuru continued to lie to himself, and the bedroom light took on a sharp contrast to the dark of the rest of the apartment.Like a moth to a flame, Mitsuru drew ever nearer to the door until his nose was practically nudging it open, the rational part of his psyche the only thing preventing him from doing so.Ignoring rationality in the face of an insatiable curiosity, Mitsuru dropped all pretense of skullduggery and openly stared.Ryan's bedroom was definitely stare-worthy.

Unlike the bare living room, Ryan retreat was crammed with _stuff.There was no other word to describe it.But it wasn't just random stuff; rather, the room looked like rock star paradise.Glued to one wall, from floor to ceiling, were hundreds of compact disc cases, the liner notes taken out of the sleeves to expose a plethora of colored cds.On another wall were photographs, mostly in black and white, of people who looked famous and important judging by their disdainful sneers and outrageous clothing.Had Mitsuru enough time and a better view, he would have noticed that the photos were not from magazines and that Ryan was actually in quite a few of them, disdainful sneer and all._

On the bed was the carcass of an electric guitar, stringless and gutted but beautiful nonetheless with its sunburst pattern of orange and gold.Next to it looked to be mountains of sheet music and more cds, perched precariously on mounds of clothes.(The sight of this non-hangeredsplendor warmed the cockles of Mitsuru's unkempt soul.)A Fender amp and another stack of cds on top of it guarded the foot of the bed.Against the wall opposite the window was an entertainment center that housed a state-of-the-art Bose sound system, which looked like it was connected to a brand-new G4 computer.

And hanging from the ceiling were hundreds of black paper cranes, twisting from fishing twine so thin that, had not the light glanced off a few strands, Mitsuru would have sworn the birds were in mid-flight of their own accord.The blonde's attention was so riveted by the flock of origami that he almost missed Ryan's huddled form kneeling by the side of the bed.

The boy's back was to him but even from his slim vantage point from the crack in the doorway, Mitsuru could see the strain that was perceptible in the curve of his spine and the hunch of his shoulders.Then Ryan body spasmed and he threw back his head, eyes closed and face frozen in a rictus of mingled pain and relief.He looked like a tortured martyr in the throes of religious ecstasy.

The silence, the black birds skritchingagainst each other and Ryan's eerily still form amidst a riot of color made the scene seem surreal, and Mitsuru shivered.Then the blonde came to his senses.Ryan looked like he needed help.And Mitsuru was not one to stand idly by when help was needed.

But before the boy could rush forward and offer assistance, Ryan's eyes snapped open and, as if sensing the spy by the door, he deliberately shoved whatever was in his hands under the bed and slowly got up.Without turning around, he addressed Mitsuru.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"What do you mean?"  
  


"What did you see?"

The iciness of the question burned Mitsuru's bones with its inexorable ferocity.He decided that if he wanted to leave the apartment alive, a lie was in order.

"Um, nothing?Nice room?" The blonde offered lamely.

"Yeah.Right."

Ryan did turn then and Mitsuru was immediately struck by how blue his eyes were.His second thought was that he had noticed how vivid they were because that was all he could see; Ryan's pupils were so dilated that they were mere pinpricks in an ocean of blueness.And his face…pale and slack and shiny with a sheen of sweat.What was going on here?

"Well, I'm ready if you are.Let's go." 

"Ryan, what --- ?"

"Had to get my notebook.Never leave home without it.Now, are you coming or what? You wouldn't want to be responsible for losing the Sakata heir, would you?" Ryan was babbling unnaturally as he gently but firmly pushed Mitsuru out into the hallway and locked his bedroom door behind him.

"The…huh?Sakata heir?Wait a minute!You're not related to _that Sakata, are you?" The blonde gaped like a fish, still clutching the popcorn bowl._

"The famous international A&R guy who's signed so many artists to so many major labels that he's sometimes more famous than his clients?Yeah.I'm related to _that Sakata.But I just call him `Dad'."_

"Sugoi!I can't believe you've held out in telling me!I've known you for --- what?Seven days?God, if my dad was as famous as yours, I couldn't keep it a secret for more than an hour!Tell me all about it!What's he like?Who've you met?Are those pictures on your wall real?Did you go to a lot of parties?"

Ryan chuckled as the boy peppered him with questions.He plucked the bowl from Mitsuru's hands and escorted him down the darkened hallway and back out into the living room with practiced ease.There, still in settling darkness, Ryan set the bowl on top of the television and herded his friend out the door.Mitsuru continued to chatter incessantly, so enthralled by the prospect of knowing a real, live celebrity that he momentarily forgot all about what he had witnessed not five minutes ago.

Which was exactly what Ryan had intended when he had revealed his little secret.

  



	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

"Damn!That movie rocked!"

"It would've been better with Jet Li as the lead."

"Are you nuts?Jackie Chan kicks ass over Jet Li!"

"Does not."

"Does so."

"How do you know?"

"Coz I met both of them at a party one time."

"Sugoi!Really?"The star struck glaze, which had briefly faded when they'd gone to the arcade then watched the movie, formed over Mitsuru's amethyst eyes again.

"Nah.Just yanking your chain.Plus, I like watching your face go all blank and dreamy when I talk Hollywood.You remind me of…well, you remind me of someone I know."Ryan poked the blonde in the ribs then abruptly broke his easy stride, glanced both ways and quickly crossed the street, leaving Mitsuru to hurry after his long-legged gait.

"Hey, Ryan!Wait up!What's the rush?"

Ryan jerked his thumb over his shoulder without stopping or looking around, his black three-quarter-lenth lambskin coat camouflaging him perfectly in evening's dark.Mitsuru, however, was a clear target with his white T-shirt and blonde hair.It was he who the gaggle of giggling girls were making a beeline for.

"Ah, kuso!Not again!"Mitsuru groaned at the rapidly approaching group of determined females.

Ever since the boys had stepped off the train into downtown Tokyo, they'd been hounded by the same bunch of girls who had stalked them through five games of Final Fantasy V and two rounds of that shooting game.The two had thought they'd lost them when they had ducked into the movie theater, but apparently their luck had run out.

"Come on!Follow me," Mitsuru caught abreast of Ryan, grabbed his arm and yanked him down the crosswalk to the other side of the street.The blonde quickened his pace until the other boy was hard-pressed to keep up, even with his longer stride.The two made it down three blocks before Ryan halted their escape.

"Yo, Jesse Owens!Slow it down.I think we lost them."Yanking his arm from Mitsuru's grasp, Ryan leaned back against a storefront window and gulped in some much-needed oxygen.His face had taken on a sickly cast.

His companion looked at him curiously.In the few days he'd known him, Mitsuru had discovered the other boy's aversion to physical exertion of any kind.Ryan was forever bemoaning the fact that he had no car, and when Mitsuru pointed out that walking was just as effective, if not economical, Ryan retorted that "nobody walked in L.A.".Mitsuru had accepted this as just another one of his quirks and had thought about it no further.

Now, however, Ryan's wan and sweaty face brought to mind the scene at the apartment.Was he really _that out of shape?Or was it something else entirely?Before Mitsuru could put two and two together, he was distracted once again._

"Hey, check us out!No wonder those girls've been following us!"

Ryan had recovered a bit and was now preening in front of the window.The light from within the store, coupled by the dark of the outdoors, had turned the storefront into an almost-mirror and it reflected the boys' images clearly.Mitsuru took only a moment to give himself the once-over.He was carelessly aware of his good looks without being overly vain; having a bevy of admirers constantly cooing over you, to the point of irritation, did wonders in deflating a potentially overweening ego.

So it was with casual indifference that Mitsuru glanced at his reflection while taking a quick inventory: tousled blond hair, bangs flopping rakishly across his forehead and in constant need of a trim.Check.Lean limbs and ropy muscles, the mark of a long-distance runner.Check.Unnaturally purple eyes and hideously long, almost girlish, eyelashes: the bane of his existence.Check.No green horns, dirt or facial imperfections.Check.

This cataloguing took a mere few seconds; it was Ryan who caught Mitsuru's undivided attention.The two boys were standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the window and it was the first time Mitsuru allowed himself the luxury of a good stare.His first thought was how tall the other boy was.Mitsuru was no midget, but Ryan towered over him by a good four inches.He was saved the ignominy of beanpole status by his broad shoulders and muscular chest.Either Ryan was lying about his dislike of physical activity or he simply had good genes; Mitsuru despaired of ever filling out that nicely, even after many sessions in the weight room.

The blonde noted Ryan's dark brown hair, how it had curled from the dampness of his sweat and tendrils of waves now teased at his well-defined eyebrows.Ryan's eyes were still the brightest blue, like a cloudless summer sky, but now Mitsuru noticed the slight upturned cast at the corners, a testimony to the Japanese half of his bloodline.

Standing in front of that store window together, Ryan dark and brooding in his black coat and he fresh and cool in his clingy shirt, Mitsuru had to agree with Ryan's assessment.It was no wonder those girls had been after them.They looked damned fine.

But it wasn't just a matter of aesthetics.There was an indefinable aura of something about Ryan.Mitsuru wracked his brain and found the phrase: je ne sais quoi.Ryan had it.In spades.As soon as he'd put a name to it, Mitsuru startled.It's that Shin thing; Shinobu has it too.But Shin hides it all the time; it's why the girls flock to me first.Ryan, though.He flaunts it.But I don't know if he means to do it.I wonder if that's why Shinobu can't like him – because they're so much alike?

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"Ryan disrupted the other boy's reverie.His tone was laden with innuendo.

"Who?"

"Tezuka." And with that parting shot, delivered in a naughty sing-song, Ryan pivoted on his heel and walked away, shoving his hands in his coat pocket and humming an unfamiliar tune.

Mitsuru stared at his reflection in mute confusion.Then the insinuation hit him and he bolted after the other boy."What are you trying to say?"

"Oh, come on, Mitsuru!Don't tell me you and Tezuka aren't…?" Ryan paused his humming but not his loping swagger down the busy sidewalk.

"Aren't what?" The blonde was defensively belligerent.

"Well, you know.Exclusive."The word was delivered with just enough suggestiveness that its meaning could not be denied.

Mitsuru stopped so suddenly that several people bumped into him and gifted him with impatient glares.The boy was too busy spluttering in outrage to notice.A few meters ahead of him, Ryan continued to amble along, still humming that song.Then he seemed to realize he was companion-less and he looked over his shoulder negligently.

"Hey, you comin'?"

Mitsuru stomped to catch up, a distinctly unfriendly scowl on his face.He grabbed the other boy by the arm and pulled him away from the flow of the crowd and under the awning of a video rental store.

"What the hell made you say something like that?"

"You're really pissed off about this, aren't you?" Ryan regarded him with mild astonishment.

"Look, I don't know how things are done where you come from, but you don't say stuff like that around here and expect a man to take it lying down."

Ryan tilted his eyebrow, amused, and Mitsuru flushed.

"You know what I mean." The blonde spat out, more embarrassed than angry now.

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?I just assumed, you know?You guys looked pretty tight and that first day, he was giving off these vibes that screamed: "stay away from my bitch, yo!" and --- whoa!" Ryan held up his hands in mock surrender as Mitsuru lunged for his throat."Okay, sorry!Couldn't help it.Stand down, soldier!"

As the crowd was beginning to give them suspicious looks, Mitsuru had no choice but to deny his need for murder.But the glare he directed at the other boy would have wilted even the bravest of men.It was fear-worthy.It was Shinobu-worthy.It was…apparently not worthy at all.Ryan was laughing softly.

"Oh, man!That look!Priceless!Listen, Mitsu, I'm really sorry, okay?This is Ryan being serious now.See me put on my serious face," Ryan tried to pull his lips down in a somber mien but failed miserably.His quiet chuckles were turning into belly-heaving guffaws.

"I don't find this funny at all."

"You're absolutely right.This is not funny at all." This time Ryan was able to come up with a semblance of sobriety."But you gotta see this from where I'm standing.Tezuka practically slew me with his stare that first day we met and only because you were hanging on to every word I said…"

"He was --- I was not!" Mitsuru denied hotly.Ryan only shook his head.

"Whatever.But you can't tell me you didn't feel that chill when he caught us at the track.And you haven't exactly told him you've been hanging with me these past coupla days, have you?" 

Mitsuru nodded reluctantly and conceded that point.He didn't want to hear anymore – he knew where Ryan was headed - but he could not stop Ryan's inexorable speech.It was like watching a gory highway accident:you knew you shouldn't rubberneck and stop traffic but you just had to slow down and stare in morbid fascination.

"Face it, he hates me.But why?I asked myself.What had I done to deserve that hate?Maybe it isn't hate, I told myself.Maybe it's jealousy." Ryan was proving to have a flair for the dramatic.He alternately clutched at his forehead then gasped in realization as he continued his impassioned monologue.It would have been funny, if not for the content.

Because Mitsuru was starting to worry now.Ryan's words were echoing the same thoughts that had been running through his own mind, and if his new friend had gotten that far, then it stood to reason that the rest of his words warranted serious consideration.But Ryan's leap of logic was incomprehensible.

_Me and Shinobu – lovers?Mitsuru nearly choked at the thought.Then another question popped in his mind and it shot out before he could stop it._

"Well, if Shin and I are _exclusive…"_

"Mhm?" Ryan batted his eyelashes coyly and Mitsuru strained to keep from tearing them out one by one.

"I said _if, baka!__If Shinobu and I were exclusive, and you knew about it, then why were you trying to ruin it?"_

"Me?Dude, I didn't tell you to keep me a secret, did I?" 

Mitsuru's anger screeched to a halt.His strong sense of fairness took over and whispered that Ryan was right.He had never encouraged Mitsuru to lie to Shinobu; Mitsuru had done that on his own.Why?Maybe there was truth to what Ryan was saying.Certainly not the lovers part, of course.But the jealousy?

"Hey, if this is really bothering you, we can talk about something else." In a flash of sensitivity, or maybe he was just feeling uncomfortable at Mitsuru's sudden, self-imposed silence, Ryan offered the blonde a way out of the situation.

"Hai." Mitsuru agreed, but there was a faint edge of unease and uncertainty tingeing his voice.

Ryan shifted his feet as the silence reared its head between them again.He felt partially guilty for starting the whole thing in the first place, but it was really quite fun seeing Mitsuru riled up.He reminded him of…Again with the unwelcome thoughts!Ryan was treading dangerous waters and he refused to fall prey to the melancholia that was sure to follow.He gazed about him for some form – any form – of distraction.Mitsuru, deep in thought, was no help.

Then something caught his eye. And the devilish smirk, the same one that his California friends knew only too well and had learned to run away from, took root on his normally somber face.

"Come on, Mitsu.I'll show you some fun…So. Cal. style!"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Shinobu felt one with the world.He hadn't felt this replete since…well, since he and Mitsuru had won Furusawa's betting pool last semester.Granted, it had taken a lot of nerve and some really inventive altering of the truth to get the dorm head out of Greenwood long enough to steal his motorcycle and stash it in Bonda's room.But the look of horror, then relief and finally anger on Furusawa's face when the prank had unfolded, coupled with the mad dash through the dorm as the older boy had chased down the unfortunate scapegoat Mitsuru and Shinobu had framed for the deed – that had been worth braving their senpai's wrath.The 30,000 yen had been nothing to sneeze at, either.

Poor Bonda!The incident had left him so traumatized that he'd been seen thumping bibles ever since.Shinobu had almost felt sorry enough for the boy to consider giving him a percentage of their winnings, then changed his mind at the last minute after Bonda had bedeviled him with sermons one afternoon for three hours straight.He and Mitsuru had invested wisely in their own betting pool instead.They intended to clean house next year when the boys came back from summer break.

A lazy smile played in the mazy grey of Shinobu's eyes as he thought of the unlimited possibilities a successful operation would afford them.And all because of Furusawa's wonderful motorcycle.Ah, that had been a good day!

As today had been.There was nothing so satisfying as a list checked off.It pleased Shinobu's anal little soul to no end.The workout at the dojo had been a satisfying challenge.His old sensei had praised his form and had taught him new tricks that would be sure to come in handy someday.The manga store had managed to procure the latest Berserk issue he'd been waiting for and had even solicitously given him a new American comic to try for free.

Now, to complete his outing, Shinobu was enjoying his frosty beverage at his favorite coffee house.The café was pleasantly devoid of chattering teens, due perhaps to the earliness of summer, which usually signaled a mass exodus from the city to cooler parts of the country.

_Blue Monday.Sounds interesting.Shinobu leafed through the black and white book, expertly skimming the left-to-right text with casual aplomb.He took a sip of his iced coffee then shoved the book back in the plastic bag, deciding that the characters' shenanigans would have been a lot more amusing if they hadn't been American._

Shinobu glanced at his watch and sighed irritably.Three hours.He had been allowed only three measly hours of carefree bliss before things were soured by thoughts of his nemesis.Knowing that action was the only cure for impending, unwanted introspection, Shinobu downed his drink, winced at the slight brain freeze, then picked up his purchases and bill from the table.

Tipping generously, the boy made his way to the counter to pay. The cashier gave him a saucy wink and the boy grinned back graciously.It was good to be noticed, especially without Mitsuru, the girl magnet.It reaffirmed his place in the universe.

Shinobu stepped out of the café, inhaling deeply of the balmy night air.He loved summer.While everyone else complained of the heat and suffered in sweltering misery, Shinobu was his own personal air conditioning unit.His odd talent made it possible to torment those around him by his remaining impeccably cool in long-sleeved shirts and slacks while they slogged around in sloppy tanks and shorts.It drove people crazy.Shinobu loved that.

The boy was so engrossed in enjoying the sensual pleasure of the weather that the shouts and whoops of frantic laughter did not register until too late.Shinobu's left shoulder was side-swiped by a figure in white, jostling him with such force that he was in danger of toppling over if not for the hand that steadied him from behind.His attacker paused in mid-flight and turned.Amethyst met agate in startled recognition.

"Mitsuru!"

"Oh!Hey, Shinobu.Um, you remember Ryan?"

Shinobu craned his neck to identify the owner of the hand that had prevented his ignominious fall and, sure enough, it was Sakata who had made the save.Dammit.

"Hey." The boy in question still had his hand on Shinobu's shoulder.

"Huh." Shinobu grunted coolly.He _would not shy away from the hold like a skittish schoolgirl.Rather, he focused his attention on his roommate, who was hopping up and down madly like a crazy Mexican jumping bean._

"Um, Shinobu?This might sound strange but --- RUN!"

And with that cryptic order, the blonde sprinted to follow his own advice.

"Why?" Shinobu called after him, not budging an inch.

"Just --- run!Trust me!" Mitsuru stalled long enough to call back over his shoulder, a manic gleam in his eyes.Then he let out a wild, wordless bellow and sped off again.

"Tezukas don't run."

"Suit yourself."Ryan abruptly let go, causing Shinobu – who had almost forgotten his presence – to stumble awkwardly in an attempt to regain balance.The dark-haired boy gave him a jaunty two-fingered salute then took off after Mitsuru, not as swiftly perhaps, but with an economy of movement that reminded Shinobu of a hunting panther.

As he watched the other two disappear around the corner, Shinobu felt his ire escalate to monumental proportions.Mitsuru _was with Sakata!His roommate couldn't weasel his way out of this now.Shinobu had witnessed it with his own two eyes.Then Mitsuru had ordered him around as if he were an imbecile, no explanation or anything. And Sakata had dared to touch him!_

Oh, Ikeda, when I get my hands on you… 

Shinobu was about to seek vengeance when another hand clamped down hard on his shoulder and he was jerked back violently.The plastic bag that held his comic books fell to the ground and the boy growled low in his throat.

_This is getting ridiculous!Am I that irresistible that people have to constantly manhandle me? Shinobu felt much put-upon._

But the voice behind him proved to be unaware of his boyish charms.

"Gotcha!" The exultant shout was grating in Shinobu's ear.

The boy was whirled around to face a burly American tourist- _Oh, ye gods!I curse thee! – who looked ready to rip his head off.Shinobu had watched enough foreign films to recognize a cowboy when he saw one.He even had the ten-gallon Stetson to complete the picture.An irate cowboy, up close and in person, was a daunting thing._

But this was Shinobu Tezuka he had in his grasp.The boy refused to be daunted."I beg your pardon?" he asked icily in perfect English, glancing at the man's hand on his shoulder with pointed scorn.

"You and your buddies better have some cash on you.Or I'll be pressing charges!" The hulking brute shook Shinobu roughly, unaware of the stupidity of this action.

"What are you talking about?" It would have been a simple matter for Shinobu to release himself from that firm grasp, but curiosity got the better of the boy.Perhaps this idiot could shed light on things; he obviously had had a run-in with Mitsuru and Sakata.

Before the man could spout any more threats and invectives, another person ran up to the two, gasping and wheezing, his face red with exertion.It looked to be the proprietor of a restaurant, if the apron was any indication.

"You caught him, eh?" The new arrival drew a handkerchief from his apron pocket and wiped at his fat face.

"One of them anyway."Both men now turned to Shinobu accusingly.

"Look, gentlemen, there seems to have been some sort of mistake…" The boy began placatingly but was rudely interrupted.

"No mistake, punk!I saw you talking to those other two assholes.You're with them.And I don't care who pays, as long as I don't get stuck with the bill!"The cowboy punctuated each sentence with a violent shake of Shinobu's shoulder.

The ice prince was through being polite.He'd heard enough.And the longer he stood there, listening to two blathering morons, the harder it would be to track down the real culprits.Without thinking of the consequences, Shinobu gunned into action.He shifted all his weight back, causing his captor to shift, off balance, with him.

_Truly an idiot; you should've let go.Shinobu thought with grim satisfaction.Grasping the man's arm, the one that seemed permanently attached to Shinobu's shoulder, the boy suddenly crouched down and used the man's forward momentum to flip him over his head in an expert judo move.The cowboy landed with a pained grunt on the hard concrete, too stunned to do more than gape at the smaller boy who had effectively neutralized him.The proprietor made to stop Shinobu, but was jabbed in the gut with an elbow.The entire episode had taken less than five seconds._

Shinobu bent down to snatch at his bag of comic books then ended up running after all, more to catch up to his roommate and that spawn of Satan than to escape the scene of the crime.

Mitsuru, I am going to kill you.

~

Ryan knew he should have collapsed a good hundred meters back; running - twice in the same night, even! – should have killed him.But adrenaline was pumping in his veins.It was artificial strength, he knew, and he would regret it later, but, oh!This was way too much fun!

He could not quite catch up with Mitsuru (who could?) but he paced the blonde, always keeping him in sight.It would not be good to get lost in an unfamiliar city, especially after they'd just pissed off certain individuals who may or may not call the cops.Had this been Los Angeles, Ryan would have stopped running after the first block.The prank had not been that serious, after all, and L.A. people would have chalked it up as par for the course.But Tokyo was a different story, and Ryan the thrill seeker had learned long ago to listen to Ryan the voice of reason.

So they had run and, sure as shit, they had been chased.A long way.Actually, it had been his fault; the boy should've known better then to pick a corn-fed hick as his mark.Country folk were always overly worried about cash.But the man had been an ass, loud and obnoxious and every inch the stereotypical tourist.He had pushed in front of Ryan and Mitsuru at the restaurant, demanding instant service.He had then proceeded to mangle the language in his thick Texan accent, harassing the waitress with lecherous pats to her behind.It had set Ryan's teeth on edge.

_The prick deserved what he got!Ryan told himself as he jogged to keep up with Mitsuru.__And then we bump into Tezuka.Man, that guy's one cold bastard!Wonder how Mitsu's gonna get himself out of this one!_

Speaking of the blonde, Ryan noticed that he had slowed down and he quickened his pace to catch up.It was sickening, really, how Mitsuru didn't even look winded while Ryan was fighting for every gasp of air into his lungs.Bad, bad, bad.Maybe he should quit smoking.

"Oi, Sakata, you should quit smoking!"

"Shut up," Ryan wheezed, planting both palms on his thighs and bending double to speed the oxygen to his brain.

"Do you think they've stopped chasing us?" Mitsuru looked beyond the other boy's bent form to peer in the darkness.

"Dunno.You think?"

"Hai.We were too fast for them." Mitsuru was smug.

"Speak for yourself!" Ryan raised himself up and waited for the pounding of his pulse to recede from his temples.Then he ran a hand through his sweaty curls and reached in his coat pocket for his pack of cigarettes, just to be contrary.Flipping the box open and chucking up a smoke that he grabbed with his lips, the boy lit up and took a deep drag of the Camel.He reveled in the nicotine stinging his gums and filling his lungs and he almost felt like himself again.

"Holy shit!That guy looked plenty pissed, didn't he?" Ryan exhaled noisily then grinned at Mitsuru with his hundred-watt smile.

Mitsuru grinned back.It was infectious.The boys locked gazes conspiratorially then let loose the frenzied mirth that was borne of relief and triumph at not getting caught.Like a couple of cackling loons, the two howled with glee as they both recalled the night's escapade.

"The look on his face when he got the bill…"

"And the owner telling him his card had been maxed out…"

"And him trying to apologize: goh-mayn-ah-say!"Mitsuru mimicked the Texan's atrocious accent with uncanny precision before going off on another gale of laughter.

"Ah, fuck!Quit it!My stomach hurts!" Ryan clutched at the offending body part with one arm while weakly gesturing at Mitsuru to stop with the other hand that still held the cigarette.

"That filet mignon sure tasted good, though, didn't it?" Mitsuru reminded his friend.

"Yeah.Best I ever had!"Ryan chuckled.Then he stopped abruptly and cocked his head, listening.

Mitsuru looked at him, puzzled."What is it?"

Then the blonde heard it too.Footsteps.Running footsteps.

"Shit!They found us!" Ryan flicked his cigarette to the street, preparing for flight.

"Not a chance.It's not them," Mitsuru denied uneasily.

But the footsteps were drawing closer and both boys watched as a figure rounded the corner about one block away and made for them with unerring purpose.The street lamps on this street were few and far between and they could not make out the identity of the runner from that far back.What was obvious, though, was the runner's goal.

"Kuso!Come on!We can lose him in the Shinkansen!" Mitsuru turned tail and headed for the terminal that was visible two blocks down.As if on cue, the boys heard the whistling approach of the incoming train.

"Go, go, go!"Ryan yelled as the blonde hesitated for the slower boy.Behind them, their pursuer was hollering something unintelligible, drawing ever closer.

The train had stopped to let off its passengers when the two boys reached the terminal.Mitsuru fumbled for his pass but Ryan simply leaped over the turnstiles and ran for a car.More tumult ensued, both from the chaser and the railway official who was screaming indignantly at Ryan's unauthorized entrance.Mitsuru grabbed for some spare change from his pocket and hurled it at the train attendant before launching into the same car his friend had caught.

The train whistled a warning of its imminent departure and the doors slowly slid closed.Grabbing at a pole to stop his mad rush forward, Mitsuru flashed Ryan a triumphant smile that faded quickly as he watched the look of dawning resignation creeping onto the other boy's face.He heard the train doors hiss shut behind him and felt the warmth of another body behind him.The train jerked to a start and Mitsuru, still hanging on to the pole, swiveled his head around to face the music.

The cowboy would have been infinitely more preferable.

"Oh.Hi, Shinobu."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Ryan looked from Mitsuru to Shinobu, tasted the frisson of electricity that jolted in the space between them.He wisely backed off and slumped on a seat two rows down from the fireworks that were sure to ensue.Mitsuru still had a hold of the pole, although his grip had gone slack as he eyed his roommate uncertainly.Shinobu was ramrod straight, his back stiff and brushing against the train doors.The two boys faced off like two boxers in a ring.

Let's get ready to rumble! 

"Ikeda."

Ding!And they're off!Tezuka's opening gambit is a sharp jab to the chin.

"Shinobu.I can explain…"

Ikeda ducks and feints left.

"I don't need any explanations.Explanations are reserved for friends."

A stinging punch to the gut.That's got to hurt! 

"That's not fair!"

Ikeda recovers and rounds his opponent, looking for an opening.

"Isn't it?Fair would have been staying to face the music."

An uppercut with the right.

"I told you to run!"

Ikeda dodges the blow.

"Fair would have been not letting me take the fall for your brain-deficient escapade."

A jab with the left.

"Now hold on a minute!Are you calling me stupid?"

Ikeda swings wildly.

"You said it, not me."

Tezuka's not holding back any punches, folks.

"Shinobu, would you just listen…"

Ikeda backs up against the ropes.

"Why?So you can prance around the truth like you did this afternoon?"

Tezuka delivers a punishing blow.

"I asked you to come with me!"

Ikeda can't seem to free himself from the ropes.It looks bad, ladies and gentlemen.

"An empty request.You knew I wouldn't accept."

Tezuka's attack is relentless.

"No, I didn't know.Besides, you weren't very receptive, were you?"

Ikeda puts both gloves up to defend.

"Well, you didn't try hard enough to convince me."

"What?Am I supposed to beg you now?Oh, almighty Shinobu!Please grace me with your revered presence!"

What's this?Ikeda's putting up a fight, folks! 

"Something like that."

Tezuka dances back, evading the punches.

"You're crazy!"

"Perhaps.But I'd rather be crazy than deceitful."

Oooh, a low blow! 

"What are you talking about?"

"How long were you planning on keeping up this charade?"

_Looks like Tezuka's got this fight in the bag, ladies and gentlemen._

"Okay.Now I _know you're crazy!What charade?What are you talking about?"_

"Him."

Ryan stopped his amused play-by-play and straightened up warily as Shinobu jerked his head in his direction.He didn't think he wanted to get pulled into the fray.This was no tag-team match.Thankfully, Mitsuru felt the same way.

"Ryan?What's he got to do with this?"

"Oh, so now you're adding clueless to your list of faults."

"Shinobu, will you shut up!Shut up or just say what you have to say.I'm tired of beating around the bush with you!"

"Fine.You really want to know what I'm thinking?"

"Hai!"

"Alright.I don't appreciate being lied to.I don't appreciate being left in the dark.I don't appreciate feeling awkward around my best friend.And I certainly don't appreciate that the awkwardness is all due to some foreign interloper who has apparently brainwashed my best friend into thinking I'm dispensable."

One, two, three heartbeats.The whoosh of the electric-powered bullet train.The nervous cough of the only other occupant in the compartment besides the three boys.Four, five, six heartbeats.

"Aw, shit.Will the two of you just kiss and make up already?"Ryan's voice splintered the stillness that had followed Shinobu's impassioned speech.

"What?" Again, Shinobu transferred his steely gaze to the dark-haired boy.The frost was palpable.

_ _

_Oh, real smart, Sakata.__Wave the red flag in front of the mad bull, why don't you!Ryan berated himself.Then he sighed, martyr-like.__Ah, well.I guess I do owe you one, Mitsuru._

The boy leaned back and propped both legs on the worn plastic in front of him.He draped hone arm on the metal rail that topped the train seats' backs and reached into his coat for some artificial courage.Putting cigarette to lips, Ryan gave Shinobu a lazy, disarming smile.

"Want one?" he asked, holding out his pack invitingly.

"There's no smoking on the train." 

"Ah.My bad." Ryan lit the Camel anyway.Shinobu's eyes went to half-mast dangerously.

"Ryan, I don't think that's such a good idea…" Mitsuru began.

Ryan wasn't sure whether the blonde meant the lighting of the cigarette or the taunting.Regardless, he forged on recklessly.

"So, Tezuka.You gonna grow some balls and do the deed?It's why you're really pissed, right?Coz you thought I'd beat you to it?"

"You sorry son of a bitch!"

Ryan thanked the powers that be that Mitsuru was as quick as he was.The blonde moved with quicksilver speed, jumping in front of his roommate before Shinobu could successfully bridge the distance between himself and his foe.Ryan didn't think he had enough energy left to prevent the silver-haired flame of vengeance from plunging his hand in his chest and ripping out his heart.He took a deep drag from his cigarette instead and prayed that he hadn't betrayed the tremor of fear he had felt when Shinobu had first rushed him.

"Shin, calm down!He didn't mean it!He's been ribbing me like that all night.It was just a joke!" 

Shinobu glared over the arm Mitsuru had flung across his chest to stop him.Ryan met his scowl with another cocky grin and lifted his shoulders in a mocking shrug.Shinobu leaped forward again, growling incoherently.

The swish of a door signaled the other passenger's departure from the car.It seemed the man had not wanted to get involved in what looked to be a bloody imbroglio.Mitsuru didn't blame him.It was taking every ounce of his strength simply to hold his roommate back.He couldn't see what Ryan was doing behind his back that was making Shinobu crazy, but Mitsuru wished he would stop.Gods, when had Shinobu gotten so strong?And had he always been this muscular?

Ryan decided that he was weary of baiting his opponent.He was coming off his adrenaline rush and he knew he had to do something fast to get him through the night.He would not survive otherwise.The boy took one last hit of his half-smoked cigarette then languidly stood with cat-like smoothness.He stubbed out his cigarette on the train's metal floor with his boot then walked up to the two boys and gently pried Mitsuru's arm from its death grip across his roommate's chest.

"Okay, boys.Play time's over.Let's call it a night." Ryan offered pleasantly enough although he couldn't resist baring his teeth in a mock snarl at Shinobu.

It was a final, defiant act in the face of the bone-numbing weariness that slammed into him like a Raider defensive lineman.Ryan was so used to these attacks now that outwardly, he still managed to project an air of devil-may-care insouciance.But he noted the trickle of sweat that toyed with his spine and the slight trembling of his hands that signaled the strain of maintaining his casual façade.He was going under soon and he'd forgotten his meds.Shit.

Because he faced him, Shinobu was the one who noticed Ryan's anxiety.The ice prince was familiar with the symptoms of a man struggling for control – God knew he'd practiced it often enough himself.He saw Sakata's jaw clench, his eyes haze, his limbs tense.But that was all that betrayed the other boy's internal battle.If Shinobu had been less perceptive, even those signs would not have been noticeable.The boy was good.And although the reason for this private conflict was unclear, Shinobu experienced a pang of grudging respect for his nemesis.

It seemed there was more to this American than a cocky attitude, and if Mitsuru had given him the benefit of the doubt, Shinobu would be less of a man if he didn't do the same as well.His earlier soul-searching had given him plenty to think about and now this crack in Sakata's implacable veneer awoke the curiosity within him.It was always better to focus energies into solving a mystery than wasting them on other inexplicable emotions.Shinobu decided that, rather than avoiding the issues, he would attempt to exorcise his own personal demons by confronting them head-on.

"Indeed."

Ryan startled at the lack of animosity and implicit agreement to his suggestion in Shinobu's response.Bewildered cerulean traded a quicksilver glance with calculating slate and a wary truce was acknowledged by both boys.Mitsuru sensed the dispersal of tension and did not question this minor miracle.Instead, the blonde's innate ebullience asserted itself and he patted his shorter roommate on the head.

"And that makes four, Shin."

"What is it that you keep counting?And don't call me that."

"Maybe someday I'll tell you.And you know you love it when I call you `Shin'." Mitsuru snickered.He could afford the teasing now that he felt in the clear for the present; his roommate's trademark retort signaled temporary absolution.

"No, I don't.And you still owe me for lying to me about where you were going today."

"Yes, you do.And if you had come with me when I invited you, you would have seen that I didn't lie; I did go running but I met Ryan afterwards at his place."

"Well, then.You owe me for leaving me to deal with that offensive little man."

"`Little'?That cowboy was at least several centimeters taller and a whole lot of kilos heavier than you.What'd you do to him?"

"Maybe someday I'll tell you," Shinobu echoed his friend with the exact coyness Mitsuru had used earlier.

"Hey, that's not fair!"

"Life is not fair, my friend."

Before Mitsuru could wheedle any more information from his friend, the train slowed to a halt.Ryan lurched to the doors and leaped out as they swished open.Then he whirled around and jauntily leaned against a kiosk, smiling indolently as the other two gaped at his mercurial exit.

"This is me, boys.Tezuka, don't get your panties in such a bunch.And Mitsu?Until our next sin…"

The train hooted, the doors whispered closed and Ryan was left at the station, waving one hand.The entire episode had happened so quickly that it took a moment for Mitsuru and Shinobu to recover their wits.

"What was that all about?" 

"I don't think he even knows how to get back home.Good job, Shinobu!You scared him off!"

"I?I was the epitome of grace and civility."

"Barring the part when you practically tore his throat out?I just saved you from serving life for murder."

"Oh, please!It would have been involuntary manslaughter at most!"

The train sped away from the station and the two boys resumed their bickering.Thus there was no one of consequence to witness Ryan's surrender to his struggle as he slid down the kiosk that had held him up and collapsed on the unforgiving cement.

  



	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

"Shinobu?"

"Hmmm?"

"You asleep?"

"Hmmm."

"Coz you know, if you were asleep, I could stop talking."

"Hmmm."

"Just tell me if you're asleep and I'll shut up."

A resigned sigh.A rustle of sheets."Alright, Mitsuru.What's on your mind?"

"Oh.I thought you were asleep."

"Not anymore."

"Oh."

Crickets chirped outside the open bedroom window.

"Now, Mitsuru."

"Oh.Right."The blonde got on his knees on the top bunk and hung his head upside-down to peer at his roommate.

"You're going to fall."

"No, I'm n---whoops!"With a wild flailing of arms and a muttered expletive, Mitsuru lost his balance and toppled loudly to the floor.He lay, spread-eagled, trying to catch his breath.

Another resigned sigh from the bottom bunk."Get in here before you hurt yourself some more."

"Okay." 

Mitsuru scrambled from his prone position and clambered onto Shinobu's bed, positioning himself, cross-legged, at the foot of the mattress.Shinobu shifted under the sheets to make room for his lanky friend then propped his head up on two pillows.Two, soft, inviting, sleep-tempting pillows.Mitsuru blinked at him owlishly in the gloom, waiting expectantly.Shinobu exhaled, drew one of the pillows from his head and tossed it to his roommate.

"Alright.Speak." The silver-haired boy ordered peremptorily even as he watched in chagrin while Mitsuru bunched his pillow into an unrecognizable, albeit comfortable, shape.

"Do you think Ryan made it home safely that night?"

"This is what you woke me up for?" Shinobu bolted up, on his way to incensed.

"Come on, Shinobu!Aren't you the least bit worried?After all, you were the one who scared him off the train!"

"I did not scare him off the train.And he even said it was his stop, so he should have known how to get home from there.Why this sudden interest in his safety?It's been four days."

"Exactly.Four days.And he's not called once."

"You're acting like a worried wife."

"And you're acting like a jealous one."

"Are you implying I'm jealous of you and Sakata?"

"Well, aren't you?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

The two boys had been getting progressively louder and more irate with each other.With every sentence, they had drawn closer together, the way circling dogs would, until now they were practically nose to nose.Mitsuru could see the soft curl of Shinobu's lashes in the faint light of the crescent moon.Shinobu noticed the angry flush to Mitsuru's cheeks.Mitsuru remembered Ryan's comments from their escapade in town.Shinobu held his breath.Both boys realized at the same time that the situation had escalated from minor squabble to something more indefinable and infinitely more dangerous.

"Baka!" Mitsuru growled awkwardly and pushed his roommate away, scrambling back to the far end of the bed.

"If the shoe fits…" Shinobu leaned back himself, smiling enigmatically.

It was the same look that had graced his face that day after school.Mitsuru had not thought much about it then but now, in context of Ryan's prior observations, the expression made the blonde decidedly uneasy.The word "lover" tripped teasingly to the forefront of his thoughts.Mitsuru chalked up the drunk butterfly feeling in his stomach to disgust and outrage at the concept, but he knew he was lying to himself.

"So, four days.And you worry about this because...?" Irony was rife in that unfinished sentence.

Mitsuru discarded his apprehension - mentally reminding himself to go back and peruse it at his leisure – and focused on the more innocuous, if perturbing, issue."Look.I know you don't like Ryan, for reasons you have yet to reveal, by the way.But that's not important right now.What worries me is that he's new in town, he doesn't know anyone but us, we left him alone in the middle of downtown Tokyo and…"

"And?" Shinobu prompted, curious at the trepidation that suddenly clouded his roommate's amethyst eyes.

"Well, that night, I saw something really weird…"

Mitsuru related the evening's events, starting from the incident in Ryan's bedroom through to the final confrontation on the train.He left nothing out, and Shinobu was once again amazed at the acuteness of his roommate's powers of observation.Mitsuru was so tongue-in-cheek and carefree most of the time that most people usually overlooked the keen intellect housed in that pretty-boy façade.

Every detail was delineated with objective precision, as if Mitsuru were a lawyer presenting his case to a doubtful jury.He recounted the tale so thoroughly and succinctly that Shinobu was able to slough off his still simmering ambivalence toward Sakata and actually pay attention to facts rather than to the person involved.

"…and you saw him at the end, Shin.He looked ready to pass out."

"You noticed it too?"Shinobu was so caught up in the puzzle that he chose to ignore the use of his hated nickname for the time being.

"I'm not entirely useless, you know," Mitsuru retorted softly.

"Ah."That was just too easy but Shinobu decided that this was not the time for innuendo.Besides, his roommate had piqued his interest."So you think he's sick?"

"That, or something else altogether." Mitsuru's voice took on an ominous cast.

It warmed Shinobu's heart to hear his doubt and suspicion; it spoke of a distrust and an absence of the unconditional acceptance Mitsuru had evinced for Ryan previously.This defection from the enemy camp prompted the silver-haired boy to be magnanimous.

"You know, this matter could be easily resolved.If you're willing, of course."

"What do you have in mind?"Mitsuru was eager but wisely cautious.Shinobu's plans always seemed to end up making him look foolish.

"We could deploy a covert reconnaissance mission…"

"Oh, no!No way!Not again!I still haven't been able to get the stains off my favorite shirt from that last `recon'!" Mitsuru glared accusingly at his roommate, his eyebrows furrowed in a mutinous scowl.

"Come now, Mitsuru!It won't be a seek and destroy this time.And you're the one who's so intent on finding the truth.You do want to solve the Sakata mystery, don't you?" 

"Fine.You win.You always win.When do we start?" Mitsuru sighed in resignation.

"Well, certainly not tonight, you dolt!It's late and I need to strategize.Go away!" Shinobu made a shooing gesture with his hand but his tone lacked irascibility.It was merely his way of dismissing his roommate when genius struck.

Used to his peremptory ways, Mitsuru readily unfolded his gangly frame from the bottom bunk and vaulted on to the top, eschewing the ladder as was his wont.A general silence fell upon the two as both boys left each other alone with their privte thoughts.Just when Shinobu thought it was safe to go to sleep, a blonde head popped in view once more.

"Shinobu, I'm glad you're helping me with this, even if it is kind of sudden.But you never told me why you hated Ryan so much in the first place."

"So?"

"Well, I'm just curious.Why do you hate him?"

It was really too much.Shinobu had already agreed to utilize his wile and expertise – for free, even! – and investigate someone he held no affection for.Mitsuru demanding introspective thought about said someone was pushing the envelope.The silver-haired demon decided to indulge in one last bit of deviltry before bed.

Schooling his face in that expression he had just realized bothered his roommate, Shinobu gave his response: "Do you really want me to answer that?"

He took one glance at his roommate's face and the dreaded look that plastered it and Mitsuru's eyes widened in panic.Gulping audibly, the blonde hastily withdrew from sight, thus missing the silent laughter that shook Shinobu's shoulders.

  



	10. Chapter 10 - Ryan's story

Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

song lyrics: staind – it's been awhile

"Yes, I'm fine.No.No need.No.No, Rufus!Don't you dare call my dad!He doesn't need this shit…I know.No.You're right.Fine, I will.Whatever.Just don't call Dad.Yeah.I promise.Look, I gotta motor."

Ryan flung himself back on the bed and stared at the paper cranes that slowly spun in the slight summer breeze.His hand clutched the phone spasmodically and he took deep, calming breaths to ease the tension that seemed always just a whisper away these days.

_Damn Rufus!And damn those doctors for calling him and worrying him for nothing!I guess "emancipated minor" doesn't mean squat in Japan!_

Fuming was doing him no good; Ryan could feel his blood pressure escalating with each irate thought.He fixated on the origami above him and methodically started counting.It was a mindless activity and it did nothing to distract him from his internal tirade.

_And what the fuck?It was no big deal!So I forgot to take my meds.So I passed out for a coupla minutes.You'd think I was trying to commit suicide or something, the way they fussed and lectured.For two days, even!Shit.Specialists, my ass!They just want Dad's money and a real, live guinea pig to test their "specialist" meds on.I'm surprised I haven't grown a third eye already with all this crap I've been taking.Ah, shit!_

Disgusted with himself and his uncharacteristic haranguing, Ryan sat up abruptly then immediately regretted it as the world decided to tip on its axis.Aftereffects of the Plaquenil.The boy clutched at his forehead in a vain attempt at stilling the nausea.

_Maybe Rufus was right.Maybe I do need an in-house nurse.Hell, I wouldn't even mind as long as she was stacked and had legs that went on for days…_

Ryan smirked at the thought and decided he was feeling better if he could entertain such lascivious notions.Gingerly, he swung his legs off the bed and padded across the room to his stereo.He idly poked at the cds stacked haphazardly on the speakers.

_Hmmmm…Fuel.Pennywise.Suicidal Tendencies. Offspring.Ah, Train!Bet Mitsuru would like this one.Gotta remember to loan it to him when I see him next.Wonder what he thinks of my being MIA these past few days?_

Ryan paused in his riffling as another bout of nausea swept through him.He staggered to a nearby wall to steady himself, refusing to buckle to his knees.His palm came in contact with cold glass and he peered up at the reflection that stared back at him from the full-length mirror that hung on the back of his bedroom door.

He was clad in nothing but a pair of loose cotton pajamas, cinched tight at the waist by a frayed drawstring.He gazed, mesmerized, at the picture before him, as if analyzing a stranger.And it seemed a stranger did look back at him.Ryan grimaced as he counted the ribs that were painfully visible through pale, sere flesh.He was losing weight at an alarming rate and only his plethora of loose, baggy clothes saved him from having to reveal his gauntness to the world.

_Not such a lady-killer now, eh, Sakata?Bet even Moon wouldn't jump your bones, looking like that!_

Moon.Dammit.If it wasn't one thing, then it was another.Thoughts.Being alone with one's thoughts was definitely an unhealthy practice.Ryan needed something to drown them out.He snatched a random cd from the stack and popped it into the player.

His thoughts were probably the lesser of the two evils.Because, as the gentle plinking of strummed guitar strings cascaded achingly from the speakers, Ryan was suddenly crushed by an avalanche of memories._This song.God help me!_He closed his eyes and succumbed helplessly to the soul-suffocating past that unreeled inexorably in his head like a bad B-movie.

It had been one hell of a year…

[it's been awhile since I could hold my head up high]  
[it's been awhile since I first saw you]

"Hey, check out the new kid!"

"Yeah.Came in yesterday.He's supposed to be hot shit or something."

"Nah, I just heard his dad's famous, yo!"

"Big whoop.Everyone's dad's famous around here!"

That last was followed by complacent guffaws, loud enough to penetrate the Metallica blaring from my earphones.I knew they were talking about me.They always did.It was some sort of sick, sad ritual that every new kid had to go through.Next would come the sizing up, the measuring, the figurative sniffing of butts.Then the dreaded and potentially humiliating marking of territory.I was ready for it.Three schools in the past six months prepared you for just about anything.

I clenched my fists in my pockets but did not relinquish my outward calm.Dark shades and the ubiquitous earphones helped maintain my aura of indifferent aloofness.But inside, I was shaking with apprehension.Get it over with already!

"…and then Taggert said: We'll trade you that Fender for your --- oops!"

A blonde whirlwind rammed into me, sending my shades flying from my face.It was an attack from an unexpected quarter, but my reflexes took over.Before the shades could shatter on the concrete, I stretched out my arm and caught them in mid-air.Unfortunately, this sudden and abrupt action shifted my center of gravity and I felt myself listing to the right.

"Whoa!Hey, now!Steady on the starboard side!"

My accidental attacker proved to be my timely savior, saving me from an embarrassing spill by catching me by the biceps and righting me to a less precarious position.

I heard hooting behind me, the same hecklers I'd been studiously ignoring.This time, however, their derision was aimed at the newcomer on the scene.I couldn't be sure, my eardrums still pounding with the heavy staccato of Lars' drums, but by the look on their faces, I guessed that they had tormented this boy before.

I continued to ignore them; blood could stain my new Docs.Instead, I grinned at the boy in front of me.Anyone on those monkeys' bad side warranted at least a temporary alliance.The boy's worried brow unfurrowed when he saw my smile, and he grinned back, sticking out his hand.

"Hey.I'm Moon."

I grasped the hand gratefully, simultaneously yanking my earphones off.

"Ryan."

  
[it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again]

[it's been awhile since I could call you]

"Ry?"

"Yo."

"You comin' to rehearsal or what?"

"Am I still your lead guitar or what?"

"Yeah, yeah.Don't give me 'tude, man!It's just that, the last couple of times..."

"I'll be there."

"You sure?"

"Hey, get off my tip, Moon!I said I'd be there so I'll be there."

An uncomfortable silence settled over the line.I knew I was being an asshole, but the guy had been on my case about my supposed "condition" for weeks now.I was about to hang up, thinking he'd already done so, when Moon's concerned treble erupted and started nattering at my conscience.

"You're getting those headaches again, aren't you?"

My best friend was accurately, painfully correct.But admitting to it would be admitting to the other thing as well.I didn't want the aggravation of what was sure to come next.

"Ry?"

"I'll be there."

"You said that already." Moon's fretfulness was tinged with suspicion.

"Uh, yeah.Right.Listen, I gotta motor.Rufus wants me.See you at Tag's, right?"

"Ry, wait...!"

I hung up before Moon's nagging and the accusations that were sure to follow could transmit themselves over the fiber optics.I hated how Moon kept stressing.So I'd been feeling like crap recently.And I'd been popping those pills of Tag's at an increasingly regular rate.It had to be the weather – cold and bone-achy and very atypical of October in Southern California.I kept telling myself that the aches and the depression and the weariness were due to the weather.I refused to admit that there was anything more to it than that.

And I refused to think about the fever that had plagued me on and off for the past six months but which had become a constant in my life since I moved back to L.A. 

Thank god for Tag and his life-saving white pills!Without them, I would probably have fallen asleep in chem class and failed that test, not to mention the other five exams I had to take that week.Moon was not happy with me.I couldn't really blame him.He knew how my mom had died.In a fit of sincerity one night, while we were hanging out at the golf course and dodging the sprinklers, I was stupid and told him about Deirdre's fascination with all things narcotic and her subsequent overdose two years ago.

Ever since then, Moon tried to keep me from getting sucked into that lifestyle.But could I really help it?Could any of us?We were all spoiled rich kids living off Mommy and Daddy's money and set up with guardians while Mommy and Daddy entertained fat cats everywhere else but at home.No discipline or parental supervision, especially if our chosen guardians were prone to indulging too.And we lived in L.A., for fuck's sake!Drugs were status quo.

It was a losing battle, especially since Taggert – our band manager – was resident dealer at Brentwood High.How Moon escaped with virgin veins was totally beyond me; he'd been with the guys longer than I had.But he just ignored Tag and Stiv when they left rehearsals for "trips to the bathroom".Me, though, he kept on a tight leash.That was all cool with me; I didn't want to get hooked on the scene myself.

But that was before the headaches started again.I got scared; the attacks were more painful and sudden than they'd been before. And I was running a temperature of a hundred and ten for a week and it didn't look like it was letting up.I knew I'd get no help from Rufus; he'd just go to my dad and rat me out.I needed something to distract me.So when Tag asked me if I wanted some of his "happies", that time I didn't say no.

Moon was really ticked off when he accidentally found the pills in my jacket pocket two weeks ago.I passed them off as medication, but that opened up another can of worms.I had the guy hounding me to go to the doctor after that confession.It seemed easier to play cool and admit to the drugs the next time he found them.I did try to soften the blow and told him they were only caffeine pills that time, but Moon's not stupid.

I think that was our first fight.

We haven't fully recovered from it since. 

~

I fucked up the last part.It was a simple chord, descanting into my solo.And I'd written the damned song so it should have been a simple thing. But my hand slipped, my concentration was off, and I felt, even before I saw, the wince on Moon's face.Stiv, eyes closed, cigarette in mouth and head bobbing to the beat of his snare, was oblivious as usual.But Moon, on rhythm guitar, caught it and stopped in mid-song.

"What the fuck ---?"

"Ryan was off."

"So?"

"So, this is our demo tape and if that's the shit we're gonna be putting out, we might as well call it quits right now and tell Simon the deal is off!"

"Shit, Moon, agro much?So the guy's having an off day.Cut him some slack, okay?"

"Not okay!We only have the room for one more hour and this is only the third song we've done.And I don't think I even like the first two very much either."

"Dude, who died and made you manager?Tag?You okay with the last two songs?"

"Yeah, man.Whatever you say."

"See?Tag says all is well."

"Tag's so high right now he'd think Poison was cool."

I listened to the guys argue and decided it wasn't worth interjecting.Moon and Stiv seemed to be doing fine on their own.I sidled up next to Taggert, who was crashed out on the couch, and nudged him.He shrugged in negation.I tensed; if I didn't get a fix soon, I'd crash and Moon would know I'd been popping and then he would really be pissed.

"Yo!"

"What?" Stiv and Moon chorused angrily, turning to me.I grinned abashedly.

"Me and Taggert are going on a food run.You guys want anything?"

"Food run?" Stiv quirked an eyebrow knowingly.Moon frowned.

"No drugs."

"What?"

"Ry, I said no drugs."

"Whaddaya mean?I'm not going…" I trailed off at the look on Moon's face; the look that said "Do you think I'm stupid?" and that always made me feel like a shit.

"No, Ry."

Moon gave me another one of his patented looks.This one I wasn't so sure about.I'd caught him eyeing me like that once or twice, ever since we first hooked up, and it never failed to make me feel all weird inside.When I'd complained about it once, he'd just laughed it off but I guess he filed it away as ammunition to use against me when he wanted me to do something I didn't exactly want to do.It was a very effective look.

But I was jonesing.And I could feel the migraine slashing at my temples.And if I didn't take shit from Rufus or my dad, then I sure as hell wasn't gonna take it from my best friend.Moon could go to hell.

"Come on, Tag.Let's go."

Abruptly, I untangled myself from my Fender strap and the amp cords and hauled our manager from the couch.Before Moon could say another word, Tag and I were out the door.

  
[but everything I can't remember, as fucked up as it all may seem]

[the consequences that I've rendered; I've stretched myself beyond my means]  
  


"So you're going away again."

"Son, we've been through this before…"

"Is she going with you?"

"Anna?Of course.She is my assistant, after all."

"In more ways than one, right?"

My dad looked at me in that half-angry, half-helpless way that seemed to be the norm these days.Ever since Deirdre had bit the big one, Dad's life had been a series of overseas trips and work, work, work.Anything to get rid of the loneliness, I guess.Never mind that he left behind a thirteen-year-old kid at the tender mercies of Rufus, Russian bodyguard and faithful servant.Never mind that said thirteen-year-old probably needed a father more than he needed state-of-the-art electronic gadgets and money to burn.Never mind that said thirteen-year-old missed the mother as much as his dad missed the wife.

But at least I was back in L.A.That year in that English boarding school was hell.Fish and chips, my ass!It was always grey and miserable and everyone talked with those stuffy accents and cared more about their pedigrees than they did about important things like rock and roll.My dad's status was right at the same level as the local barrister's: tolerated but not really respected.And that's how I was treated: tolerably but disdainfully.

I pitched a fit regularly throughout that year and it got to the point that even the impassive headmasters couldn't control me anymore.That's a bonus of being half-Norwegian: it kinda cancels out the stoic Japanese in me and lets me go berserk when I call forth my mad Viking-ness.

So my dad had to pay up the remainder of the fees and haul my sorry ass back to America.I thought for sure we were gonna do that bonding thing then.How wrong I was!Enter Rufus, the crazy Russian, who had a well-meaning heart but knew next to nothing about kids.Vodka and women were more his gig.He'd had plenty of both as bodyguard to Pantera before that group fired him and my dad picked him up from the agency.Dad deposited me in his care before I even got over my jetlag then took off to France to go sign the latest Eurotrash band.He did remember to shove fistfuls of hundreds in my pocket, though, before he left.

I've been alternately spending his cash and getting kicked out of schools ever since.Like he gave a damn, of course.He just sent more money, lectured Rufus over the phone about my lack of discipline, and periodically planned his business trips so they'd give him a lay-over in L.A. and he could play the good father to his associates.

That's why he was here right now; he had to kowtow to Arista suits.He had been too busy to pay attention to me.Unless, of course, he was throwing a party at the house.Then he'd trot me out like a little show pony, pat me on the head then shoo me off to my room when things looked like it was gonna get boozy and rowdy.It was no wonder he didn't have a clue about my worsening condition or my growing dependency on the same thing that had killed my mom.

And now he was leaving again.Right before Christmas.With Anna, the blond whore assistant.I loved my life.I loved my life so much, I knew it was time to be master of it once and for all.I set my plan in motion.

"Listen, Dad.I'm sorry I said that, okay?Anna's cool.I like her.You kiddies have fun in Amsterdam.Rufus and I'll man the fort!"I gave him a jaunty two-fingered salute and grinned, even as the wheels in my head churned calculatingly.I had to do this just right, or he'd take off again and I'd be stuck with the vodka-swilling Russian for another lonely Christmas.

"And you're sure you'll be fine here?You could come with us if you wanted?"

It was the way he made that last bit more of a question than a request that really pissed me off.From his tone, I knew he didn't want me to be around but he felt he had to offer anyway.He was treating me like one of his clients.All my plans and speeches flew out the window and I blurted out my carefully crafted gambit with the finesse of a two-bit whore:

"I want to be an emancipated minor."

Dad blinked once.Then he looked past my shoulder as if hoping someone else could deal with this bomb I threw in his lap.Sadly, it was Rufus's day off and Anna had gone home to pack.Just you and me, Dad.What's it gonna be?Paying attention to me now, aren't you?

"I'll call Daniel and have him draw up the paperwork.I should be back in town next month and we can go before the judge then.Is that soon enough for you?"

No ranting.No raving.No pleas for me to change my mind.Just resigned acceptance.And…relief?

I knew I should have been more excited.It was what I'd wanted, wasn't it?Freedom to do whatever I wanted?And knowing my dad, he'd set me up with a hefty bank account so I wouldn't even have to worry about the financial burden of emancipation.So why was I feeling a sick sense of emptiness and betrayal in my gut?

Later that night, Rufus and I dropped him and Anna off at LAX.Then I made the Russian drop me off at Tag's.I was on my way to shit-faced when Moon came by.He looked at me, disgusted, and was about to walk away when he hesitated.I guess the hurt and loneliness that I'd been trying to drown in amphetamines and alcohol was still evident in my eyes.I dunno.Moon always said I had a poet's eyes: all soulful and apparent, whatever the hell that meant.

He gave me that look again, the one that made me queasy.And I think he asked me what was wrong.I probably would have broken down and cried if Tag hadn't been around; there was so much affection and – something else? – in Moon's face that poked at my heart.But because Tag was there and because I wasn't ready to admit to myself that thing about Moon that I guess I had always suspected, I played the asshole again.

"Wrong?Nothing's wrong, dude!I just became my own man today.Emancipated fucking minor.Tag and I are gonna go out and find us some honies to celebrate.I'd ask you to come along but we're still not sure what way you swing, huh, Tag?"

The stricken look on Moon's face will forever be branded in my memory.As Tag started laughing, my best friend and possibly the only good thing in my life turned around and left me.

Just like my dad had done.

  
[it's been awhile since I could say that I wasn't addicted]  
[it's been awhile since I could say I love myself as well]

The migraines were back.Accompanied by the fever and the fatigue and the depression.No big.Only this time, I noticed I had to add bleeding gums and hair loss to my list.I was seriously fucked up but I had kept my secret for so long that I couldn't break down and ask for help now.The Japanese in me was kicking in – impassive to the end.I would've made a damned good samurai.

Besides, I had other things to worry about.Namely, my birthday.I was finally turning sixteen.Not that it made much of a difference.Being an emancipated minor kinda sucked the joy out of milestones like that.But sixteen was supposed to be one of those monumental things in one's life and, having access to Dad's money, I knew I had to throw a big bash.It was a prime directive.

And it gave me an excuse to talk to Moon.The band had pretty much broken up after that time at Tag's.I still played my guitar and wrote songs.I started carrying around a little notebook to jot down random bits that popped into my head.I'd been getting a lot of those ever since Moon went MIA on my ass.Before, I'd just talk his ear off and he'd remember it all and transcribe my ramblings into lyrics.But since he'd abandoned me and had taken his photographic memory with him, the notebook was the next best thing.

Without the band as an excuse, though, Moon and I had pretty much drifted.After Christmas break, school went on as usual.Only Moon managed to switch his schedule so that we didn't have any classes together.And he started hanging out with a different crowd.Drama geeks.The kind of people we all used to make fun of back when we were cool rocker dudes.If we did happen to pass by each other in the halls, he would turn away and mutter something incomprehensible then hurry away as if I had leprosy or something.

Maybe I did have leprosy.Or something.I was progressively getting worse and I needed to take twice the amount of pills I'd originally started with just to dull the pain.I didn't know what was worse: my mysterious illness or the withdrawals I'd get if I didn't have my fix.Tag was a good friend, though.He happily kept me supplied with the stuff and cut me a break on payments.Not that I needed to budget; as I said, Dad left me with scads of cash.I just knew that I had to watch the spending or Rufus would get suspicious and rat me out.

Yeah, Rufus.Still with me.There seemed no reason to get rid of him.He was pretty handy with eggs.Plus, I still didn't have my driver's license and I needed wheels to get around.Nobody walked in L.A., especially not in my condition.

The phone rang and I snatched it up eagerly.I had left a couple of messages on Moon's answering machine and somehow, I knew it would be him.I wasn't mistaken.

"Ry?"

The way he still used my nickname, even after three months of absence, gave me a glimmer of hope.But I knew I had to be really careful in handling this situation.One wrong move and I would probably go Moon-less forever.

"Hey.You got my message.So, you coming or what?"Smooth, Sakata!Why was it that everything out of my mouth these days sounded either sarcastic or belligerent?I held my breath, expecting the "decline" but hoping for the "accept"

There was a pregnant pause and I could hear him breathing softly.I could almost imagine his forehead wrinkling and his eyes squinting like he always did right before he made a decision.Normally, I would think this hilarious as hell; he looked like a little blond Elmo when he did that.Now, though, the wait was killing me.Say something already, dammit!

I was concentrating so hard that I missed his answer the first time around.

"What?What was that again?"I asked and cringed at the desperate eagerness I heard in my voice.

"Yes.I'll come."

  
[it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do]  
[but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you]

"Dude, this party rocks!"

"Fully righteous, man!"

"Hey, whose party is this anyway?"

"I don't know, dude.But there's a shitload of booze out by the pool!"

"Dude, there's a pool?"

I shook my head as a couple of nimrods I didn't even know swept past me in their hurry to get to the backyard."Pool" in L.A. always meant girls in bikinis and tonight was no exception.There were some major fly honies, compliments of Taggert, lazing about poolside and I was also on my way to go mingle when I got waylaid by a couple of yahoos puking in the hallway.

"Ewww!Gross!" A fairly decent-looking girl – I think her name was Belinda, from French – wrinkled her nose at the mess then looked expectantly at me.

"I suppose you want me to clean it up?"Again with the sarcasm.Nice, Sakata!

"Well, it is your house, right?You wouldn't want that to stain or smell or anything." She gave me a disparaging glare, upset at my snarky tone, then flounced off to refill her plastic cup.

I sighed.It was my party and I had to end up with puke detail.Joy.And to top it all off, the thrumming in my head was getting stronger and I knew it wasn't from the fifteen-inch woofers pounding Kidd Rock from the living room.I needed to find Tag; my stash was empty.

But Tag was nowhere to be found.And as the night wore on and my headache turned into a full-blown migraine and more people kept coming and the party got louder and rowdier with all the free-flowing alcohol, I began second-guessing the merits of having the bash during Rufus's day off.

If anything, Rufus could have stopped that guy from using the second-story balcony as a diving board into the pool.I don't think he needed stitches but the pool ran red a bit from the bloody gash on his forehead.And Rufus could have made sure that girl hadn't gone into one of the bedrooms with that drunk asshole, only to run out moments later, half-naked and crying her eyes out.And Rufus could have cleaned up the presents of puke that people seemed to want to leave me all over the backyard.

I should've stopped the party a long time ago.That, or stopped the alcohol.But I was just a tad bit fucked up myself.Hell, I had to do something to forget about the war going on inside my body.What with the withdrawals on one front and the migraines on the other, alcohol seemed the best way to defeat them both.

By my fifth shot of tequila and uncountable beers, the pain was almost nonexistent.Still, there was that little responsible part of me that screamed in my drunken mind.I think it said something like: "Get up, asshole!Before the cops show up!"I wanted to ignore the vicious little monster but it kept at me and at me and I felt like I was going insane.

Then, around midnight, Moon showed up.And I knew it would be all good.

  
[but everything I can't remember, as fucked up as it may seem,]  
[the consequences that I've rendered; I've gone and fucked things up again.]

"Hey, Moon!What took you?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe."

"Shit!And what's that smell?"

"Oh, puke."

"Puke?!"

"It's not mine, if that's what you're thinking.I've just been cleaning up everyone else's.You know I can hold my liquor."

"No, I don't know."

"Oh, that's right.You haven't been around to know."

I don't know why I said that.I was the one in the wrong here.I was the one who needed to apologize for all the shit that happened between us.He had already made an effort by coming.But, as I mentioned before, I just couldn't control my mouth.Moon looked at me appraisingly.He'd let his hair grow, I noticed.It was flopping over his forehead and half-hiding his eyes.I was grateful for that.I didn't think I could have handled the censure in those eyes.Not right then.Not when I needed him to be my friend.Not when I was so vulnerable.

"We should get you some clean clothes."

"Why?"

"Coz I can't talk to you while you smell like some wino on Hollywood and Vine."

I let him drag me to my bedroom and I sat on the bed as he pulled random shirts out of my closet.It was getting difficult to concentrate.I could still hear the faint noises from the party through the closed door, but that wasn't what was distracting me.It was the pounding in my head, the shafts of pain lancing at my temples.Focusing was painful.Even watching Moon as he tried to separate clean clothes from dirty in his quest to clean me up proved an exhausting task.

Thank god he stopped moving around.Then it hit me: he'd stopped for a reason.His back was to me but I could sense his anger by the tenseness of his shoulders and the harsh rasping of his breath.He was holding a pair of jeans.The black ones.The ones I'd had on yesterday when I was out with Tag and we had…oh, shit.

"You're still taking these."It wasn't a question.

"Look, Moon, I can explain…"  
  


"I don't think I want to hear it."

His self-righteousness zapped away any guilt or remorse I had been feeling.Or maybe it was the effects of the alcohol kicking in.Whatever the case, I felt myself getting really pissed off.This was my house, my party!How dare he come and pass judgment on me, the puritanical bastard!

"What the hell do you care what I do anyway?It's not like you stuck around when I needed you the most!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"If you'd stayed at Taggert's that night, I would have told you."

"And if you weren't so hyped up on these that night at Taggert's, then maybe you wouldn't have said what you did and maybe I would have stuck around!"He finally turned around to face me, throwing my little plastic baggie at me.I didn't have the strength to stop it from hitting my face.

And I didn't have the strength to deny what he'd accused me of.He was right.In the months when we were still a band, I'd discovered that those jerks from my first day at Brentwood High weren't the only ones who'd had it out for Moon.Other people on campus picked on him too.And for what?The very thing I'd made fun of that night at Tag's.Everyone picked on Moon because everyone thought he was gay.

"I'm surprised you even let yourself be alone here with me.And the door's closed too.Wonder what they're all thinking downstairs?Think you're rep's ruined now?Coz, you know, you're here with "that faggot" Moon!"

"Don't say that!"Coming from his mouth, the slur sounded ten times more obscene.I shook my head in denial and instantly regretted it as the pounding escalated to monumental proportions.

"Why not?It's what everyone's thinking!It's what you were thinking that night at Tag's.I think the only reason you even hung out with me for that long was because I was part of the band.I bet you and Tag and Stiv couldn't wait to get rid of me.I know those two only tolerated me coz my cousin was a DJ at KROQ. But with you and your dad on the scene, I bet you decided you didn't need me anymore!"

"No!I never thought…I never said…" It was getting harder to breathe.

"But you wanna know a little secret, Ryan?A little secret that I was willing to tell you back then because you seemed so different and so understanding?Remember that night you told me about your mom?At the golf course?I knew then that we'd be best friends.And best friends don't keep secrets from each other, right?And that was going to be my Christmas present to you.My secret."

What the hell was he babbling about?Blood was drumming at my temples, my lungs felt like a punctured balloon that couldn't hold any air.I felt flushed; the alcohol must have aggravated the fever.What was Moon saying?He'd walked toward me as he spoke and was now crouched in front of me.Since he was so much shorter than I was, he didn't have to crouch very much.We were now eye to eye, and for the life of me, I couldn't turn away from the sturm and drang burning in his.What was Moon saying?

"I am gay, Ryan.And damned proud of it.And I think I love you."

Holy shit.

Then the pain and the alcohol and the withdrawals and the fever all came crashing down around me like a jostled beer can pyramid at a frat party and I passed out.

  
[why must I feel this way?Just make this go away.Just one more peaceful day.]  
  


FAX DESTINATION:The Plaza Hotel, London, England.March 30, 2001

TO:Mr. Harohito Sakata

FROM:Dr. Andrew Keynes

RE:Ryan Sakata

Lupus is an autoimmune disease, a type of self-allergy, whereby the patient's immune system creates antibodies which, instead of protecting the body from bacteria & viruses, attack the person's own body tissues. This causes symptoms of extreme fatigue, joint pain, muscle aches, anaemia, general malaise, and can result in the destruction of vital organs. It is a disease with many manifestations, and each person's profile or list of symptoms is different. Lupus can mimic other diseases, such as multiple sclerosis & rheumatoid arthritis, making it difficult to diagnose. 

Systemic lupus attacks multiple systems in the body which may include the skin, joints, blood, lungs, kidneys, heart, brain & nervous system.

Currently there is no single test that can definitely say whether a person has lupus or not. Only by comprehensive examination and consideration of symptoms and history can a diagnosis be achieved. 

Lupus is neither infectious or contagious. 

At present there is no cure for lupus, but research is being carried out the world over, to find new treatments for lupus and to find out what causes lupus to develop, so there is hope for the future. However, lupus can be controlled using medications.

We recommend further observation of your son and will keep you updated as to his progress.We also recommend you look into theTokyo chapter of theLupus Multiplex Registry & Repository (LMRR).They have top specialists currently working on radical new treatments that have yet to be approved here in America.

Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us.As your son is an emancipated minor, please be aware that we are under no obligation to inform you of his progress unless requested by him or initiated by you.

[it's been awhile since I could look at myself straight]  
[it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry]

"Hey."

"Hey right back at ya."

"You look like shit."

"I feel like shit."

I smiled feebly at Moon from my hospital bed.It had been a week since my collapse.And in that week, I'd been stuck in a private wing at the UCLA Medical Center with nary a well-wisher unless one counted Rufus who'd been hovering over me like a mad mother hen, all penitent and guilty for not having been around when the shit hit the fan.Today marked the sixth day of my forced bed rest.And my first real visitor.

"But you're okay now, right?"

I shrugged."The doctors tell me I am."

"I tried to come by earlier but they said it was family only and that scared me coz they only say "family only" when it's serious and I didn't know if that was the case in your case and, well, here I am.They finally let me in.So I guess I was worried over nothing."Moon finished his incoherent speech, the words limping out of his mouth like a one-legged pirate.

I shrugged again."It's no big."

"Heh.I thought I'd killed you with my little secret."Moon fidgeted nervously by the foot of my bed but there was a look of determination on his face.

Good old Moon.He was anything if not brave.I would have taken a lot longer to bring up the subject.Hell, I would've tried to pass it off as a drunken confession if it had been me.But it wasn't me.It was Moon.And he always faced his problems head on.It was why I liked him in the first place.

But now he was putting me in a tough spot.How was I supposed to react to this?Moon was gay.Openly and admittedly.And didn't he say he loved me?Shit.Come on, Sakata!Think!What would Oprah say?

"It takes more than a homo to off me, dude."Oh, Oprah would be sooo proud!

Moon's face twisted in a grimace but I guess the lack of animosity in my voice stopped him from taking offense.And I guess he'd gotten far worse than I dished out because he still stayed where he was.He drew a deep breath and exhaled loudly, his eyes never leaving my face.We stared at each other for a long while, both of us unsure of what to say.

I took the opportunity to memorize him.Something told me that this would probably be the last time we would get to be this close for a long time.Moon.My best friend.My only friend.Just shy of five foot four but with enough energy to rival Kobe Bryant.Blond hair cropped close to the sides but hanging haphazardly over his forehead, obscuring eyes that gleamed bright hazel.High cheekbones, sharp jaw, a pointy nose. (I'd always teased him about looking like an elf from Lodoss).An expressive mouth that could smile with wild abandon one moment then purse in fierce concentration the next.Thin frame, almost fragile, but long, capable fingers that fixed carburetors as easily as they strummed guitar.

I realized that, had I been gay myself, I would be all over Moon in a heartbeat.I'd never paid attention before coz guys just don't check out other guys, you know?But I had to admit that my best friend was a hottie.And I would never say that out loud even if sharpened bamboo sticks were shoved down my pee hole.

But if Moon wanted me to say it out loud, I decided I would do it.He was my best friend.And he loved me.Whether that love was fraternal or erotic was beside the point.Love is love, right?So many people go through life without experiencing it at all, in any form, and I should count myself lucky to be the recipient to both kinds.After all, I wasn't getting it from my dad; I shouldn't be so picky.

The problem was I knew I could never reciprocate the type of love he had for me.I wasn't gay and I could never give him what he wanted.But the part of me that wanted – no, needed! – his friendship whispered that maybe I could let him have a little bit of what he craved if only to keep him by my side forever.

"It's okay, you know.It's not contagious."

As if reading my mind, Moon broke the silence with this wry, self-deprecating statement.I knew he was trying to break through the awkwardness but the way he said it – so sad and wistful – made his attempt at lightening the mood fall flat.He looked so unhappy and shy all of a sudden, all the bravado gone from his face.I guess the silence had gotten to him.And it didn't help that I had been staring at him so intently, taking snapshots of him with the camera in my brain.He was waiting for me to say something.Anything.So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind:

"Moon.I'm sorry."

It was all I knew to say.But I meant it with all my heart.And I guess it was enough.Because he looked at me for a moment to make sure I was sincere then the sadness left his eyes and he smiled.

  
[it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candle lights your face]  
[but I can still remember just the way you taste]

This is the part that tears me up inside.What happened that last day of my stay at the hospital.

I'd been told that there were specialists in Tokyo that could help me with my condition, and my dad was pulling rank and forcing me to go.Of course, legally, he couldn't make me do anything.I felt like saying "A day late and a dollar short, Pops!" but at the time, I was still too drugged up to put up a fight.Plus, I figured it was his way of showing he cared.I decided I'd give him a hard time later.

Ironic, that.The drugged-up part, I mean.I'd spent the better part of the year taking drugs to help me get rid of the sickness and had gotten in trouble for doing so, but when I'd decided that they weren't the answer, I was back on them again.At least they were legal this time.And the morphine injections for the pain gave me a really good buzz.But the rest of the meds just made me want to puke.All the aftereffects without the high.Life sucks.

Dad had Anna make arrangements at Komagome Hospital to register me as an outpatient.He even made her find me an apartment close to the hospital.And he made her enroll me at Greenwood.That last bit pissed me off.I knew by the time the arrangements would be processed that it would be July and I was not about to go to school in the middle of my summer.But my father the Nazi was firm.I ranted and raved, Viking style, but inside I was just happy that he was finally acting like the father I needed him to be.

Moon wasn't exactly thrilled when he heard what was planned for me.I guess it did kinda suck, being that we'd just recently rediscovered our friendship.But we both knew it was for the best and we tried to make the most of the remaining time we had together.

Moon visited me everyday, keeping me up with gossip from school and helping me turn all the notes from notebook into actual songs.We never spoke of his being gay after that first visit.It wasn't that we were ashamed or anything.Quite the opposite.Having it out in the open between us made our friendship that much stronger.Real friendships, as anyone who's ever had one knows, don't need long, soul-searching talks to make them stronger.The mutual acceptance – his of my apology and mine of his homosexuality – eased any awkwardness that could have developed.

My last day at the hospital changed all that.

I was supposed to have been checked out late that afternoon but I had another migraine attack and the doctors wanted me to stay one last night for observation.I didn't mind.There was this fine honey of a nurse who constantly checked in on me and I would miss her when I left.I called Moon to let him know.We had planned to check out his new ride that night – he'd gotten it as an early birthday present and couldn't stop talking about it – but that plan had to be ix-nayed.He told me no problem and said he'd stop by to see me instead.

He said he had a surprise.

It was nine o'clock when he finally showed up.After visiting hours.But it was Moon and he could be really charming when he wanted to be.So I wasn't surprised when I heard his voice calling from the door.I was already woozy from the drugs the docs had given me, but I really wanted to see my surprise so I made myself wake up.I didn't have the energy to turn on the lights, though.

But it was all good.Because I didn't need to.The candles were bright enough to light his way to me.

"Happy birthday to you.Happy birthday to you.Happy birthday, you sorry-ass, lupus-having sonuvabitch!Happy birthday to you!"

Moon grinned wickedly as he set the cake, sixteen candles and all, on the side table.Chocolate.My favorite.You gotta love the kid!

"Dude, sorry to burst your delusion bubble, but my birthday was, like, three weeks ago."

"I know, stupid.I was there, remember?"Moon retorted, plopping himself down next to me on the bed and shoving my legs over with his scrawny ass."But I didn't see a cake then and, you know, what's a birthday without a cake?"

"This is my surprise?"

"What were you expecting?A Mercedes SL600?"

"Smart ass!"

"Ingrate!"

We smiled at each other in the flickering candlelight.Again I was hit by that feeling that we would never see each other again.I didn't really pay much attention to it this time, though.I mean, I had the same feeling that first time he came by and he'd been around me like the plague ever since.Couldn't get rid of him even if I wanted to!

Moon must have had a similar premonition though, because he got all serious all of a sudden.Then he leaned toward me as if to whisper something in my ear.

I was high on meds.Later on, this was what I'd tell myself over and over to excuse my actions.It never really worked; I was never convinced.But I kept lying to myself anyway.Anything to keep me from remembering how I felt that night when Moon leaned over me and looked deep into my drug-hazed eyes and kissed me.On the mouth.

I let him do it.Hell, I even opened my arms and pulled him closer.The part of me that had told me to give Moon what he wanted - the selfish little beast in me - shoved aside all reason and kissed my best friend back.It was no different from kissing a girl.Especially with your eyes closed.In fact, with my eyes closed, I was actually enjoying the whole thing.I had to hand it to him – the guy knew his stuff.I almost forgot who was in my arms as the kiss deepened.Almost.

"Shit!Oh, shit!Oh my god!I'm so sorry!"

That was me, remembering that Moon wasn't a girl and shoving him away from me in confusion.

"Me too."

That was Moon, remembering I was a boy but not gay and hurting because I rejected him so sharply.

Before I could say anything else, he stood up and started walking out the room.Total déjà vu.I didn't want to lose him again, but what choice did we have?We had crossed the line and I knew things could never be the same between us.I would always remember the kiss and think of the what would have been and he would always remember the kiss and wish for the what could have been. 

So I let him walk away from me again, knowing that it would be the last time.

"Don't forget to make a wish before you blow out your candles," he said without looking back.

Then the door snicked shut behind him.

  
[but everything I can't remember; as fucked up as it all may seem to be; I know it's me]

[I cannot blame this on my father; he did the best he could for me]  
  


Ryan let the film unreel to its anticlimactic conclusion.

After that night, everything had been a hazy blur.The doctors had increased his pill count because he had not responded well to the other meds he'd been given and they wanted him to be chipper and pseudo-healthy before they shipped him off to the Tokyo specialists. Wouldn't want foreigners thinking they couldn't take care of their own.

The house in Malibu had been packed up, white sheets thrown over furniture like ghostly blankets.Rufus had been retained only because he really had no other place to go.He'd been taking care of Ryan for only a year and a half, but he admitted to growing soft within that time and said he'd be of no use as a bodyguard.Currently, Rufus was doing the odd job here and there for his dad in L.A., one of which was keeping the lines of communication open between father and son.

The electronics had been shipped, along with the obscene amount of cds and clothes Ryan had amassed.Passports were obtained, the apartment in Tokyo closed escrow, the admittance forms from Greenwood had been duly noted and filed.

And in the three months of flurry and bustle, Moon had not contacted Ryan personally.

He'd sent him an email, though.A picture of his new car.A Mercedes SL600.Ryan had smiled when he'd seen it, finally understanding the joke.But the photo had not been accompanied by anything else.And Ryan had known that it was Moon's way of saying good-bye.

His dad had actually spent some time with him in Tokyo.At least two weeks, but leaving right before Ryan's first day at Greenwood.Of course.It had been too much to expect his father to stick around for something as petty as a first day of school.Ryan hadn't bothered to unpack after that.It was his fruitless attempt at snubbing the arrangements his father – no, his father's assistant! – had set up for him.

_Moon would laugh.He'd say I was being an ungrateful shit.And he'd be right.Ah, dammit!I miss him!_

Ryan gave in to the sorrow then.He stumbled back toward his bed and lay down, numb and spent.Tears snailed down his cheeks and he didn't bother to brush them away.He tasted the salt on his lips and listened as the song trailed off to its conclusion.Above him, the paper cranes twirled.

_ _

_One thousand paper cranes.One thousand and I get to make a wish.Just like birthday candles.I wish…I wish…_

  
[it's been awhile since I could hold my head up high]  
[and it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry]

  



	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The skilled sniper surveys the terrain with a practiced eye.He gages the distances between his vantage point and the target in question.He squints as an errant breeze parts the thick foliage above, letting the sunlight through.The sniper's trigger finger itches, but he waits patiently.His Robar SR-60 is a cold, reassuring weight against his shoulder as he…

"Are you listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"Give me those before you hurt yourself!" Shinobu snatched the binoculars away from his friend before the blond could strangle himself on the strap.

"Aw, Shin!I thought it was my turn on watch duty!"

"Don't call me that.And not anymore you're not.Not if you can't pay attention for longer than five minutes.Move over." Mitsuru was unceremoniously shoved aside as Shinobu took his place behind the wall.

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know.Pretend to be useful."

The gracious sniper surrenders first position to his unruly protégé, conceding that the boy needed the practice.He even gives up his beloved Robar SR-60.The patient sniper proceeds to take stock of their provisions.

"Hey, Shin!We're out of senbei.Want me to go get some more?"

"That's what you call being useful?"

"I'm hungry!"

"You're always hungry."

"But we've been at this for hours!"

"We've been here for exactly one hour and three minutes.And may I remind you that this was your idea in the first place?"

"No, _you_ suggested the recon!"

"But you were the one who wanted to know more about Sakata."

The clever sniper indulges in witty repartee with his lack-wit protégé.Anything to calm the poor boy's nerves.The extremely gifted sniper tells himself that no one could possibly be as level-headed and calm under pressure as he…

"Mitsuru!Did you hear what I said?"

"Huh?What?I mean, yes.Yes, I think the Dakota T-76 Longbow will be better than the Robar in this situation."

"Will you kindly focus for just…one…minute!"Shinobu grated through gritted teeth.He had turned away from his post, momentarily distracted by the blonde's seeming non sequitur.It was times like these that Mitsuru really tried his patience.

If Shinobu hadn't needed the exact location of Sakata's apartment – information that Mitsuru refused to divulge unless he was allowed to tag along – the ice prince would never have invited his friend to come.Their previous year together had taught Shinobu one thing: Mitsuru might be game for anything and usually did prove useful by getting them out of sticky situations with his abundant charm, but the boy had an annoying propensity for amusing himself with imaginary scenarios during covert operations.And, more often than not, said scenarios usually knocked the sense right out of him.Last time, Mitsuru had been a mighty safari hunter.Today, it looked like WWII sniper.

"It's just to keep me from thinking about food."

"Well, your stomach can wait.If you plan to be more help than hindrance, I suggest you find something…"

"I know, I know.Something useful.Do you have any suggestions?"

Shinobu sighed."How about reviewing our notes?"

"Check."

Mitsuru crouched down and withdrew a sheaf of papers from his book bag, leaning against the brick as he began to peruse them.Shinobu resumed his watch with the binoculars, being careful to keep most of his body behind the wall.It was not the most ideal of stake out positions.The apartment was across the street from them and, if Mitsuru wasn't lying to him, Sakata was located on the top floor.All the boy had to do was peek out his window and his stalkers would be in plain sight.Still, the wall did afford some protection from curious eyes, and it was really the best they could do.

"Um, Shin?"

Another sigh, but this time, Shinobu did not turn around."What?"

"We've been watching his apartment for two days now, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, according to our notes, between the hours of – oh, I don't know – noon to eight at night, there has been no activity whatsoever!Don't you think we ought to move on to Plan B?" Mitsuru needled his friend impatiently.

"And what exactly is Plan B?" Shinobu was sarcastic back.

"Why don't we just go up and talk to him?I mean, isn't that much better than stalking him?People are starting to look at us funny.Plus, don't you think it's weird that he hasn't left his apartment in two days?What if he's hurt?What if he's got something heavy on top of him and his lungs are slowly and painfully being crushed by the weight?What if…"

"Mitsuru!"

"What?"

"I think I preferred it when you were just silent."

"But aren't you the tiniest bit worried?"

"No."

"Just a little bit?"

"No."

"You can be such a cold bastard sometimes, you know that?"

"I just have a better control over my imagination."

"But…"

Shinobu suddenly whipped around and glared at his friend.The abruptness and ferocity of the look startled Mitsuru.If the blond had been asked, he would have had to confess that he really wasn't all that worried about Ryan.It was just so much fun to tease Shinobu, especially when his friend went into commando mode.Mitsuru thought his humor was apparent and was not prepared for the seriousness with which Shinobu was apparently taking all this.

"Shin, I was just kidding around.Really.I'll try to focus.See?This is Mitsuru, being focused." The blond pointed at his mouth which he'd forced into a grave scowl.

"You are impossible," Shinobu could not stop the grin from quirking the corners of his mouth.

The two boys smiled affectionately at each other, camaraderie re-established.It felt good, not to be at odds anymore.It was part of the reason why Shinobu had agreed to help out Mitsuru in this farce of a mission.If his friend wanted to dig around in Sakata's private affairs – which were probably not as critical as the blond made them out to be - who was Shinobu to deny him?

_ _

_Sigh.When have I ever denied him anything?_ Shinobu asked himself resignedly._All he has to do is open his eyes wide like a puppy after a treat and I just can't say no.That, or he could just whine a lot.That usually works too.Damn him._

Still, Shinobu was not happy with the situation.Even now, he was filled with a certain amount of resentment.But the two days of staking out Sakata's apartment had given him ample time to reassess his feelings on the whole thing and, if he were honest, Shinobu knew that the resentment was not directed at Sakata personally.The initial alpha male bid for supremacy was old news; Shinobu's innate self-confidence had taken care of that bit of angst.

No, if he looked closer at the root of his antipathy, Shinobu would have to admit that it had to be jealousy over all the attention Mitsuru had been giving the new boy.

And just why is that, Tezuka?Are you finally ready to admit to what you've known since the minute you laid eyes on a certain blond? Can you deny that you've enjoyed being this close to him, all by yourselves, just a little too much than is proper?

Shinobu was about to do battle with his irritating conscience for the seventh time that day when Mitsuru craned his head to look over his friend's shoulder, gripping his arm excitedly. 

"Ouch."

"Shin!This is it!We have movement!The target is in motion!"

Ignoring his roommate's pain at being manhandled, Mitsuru retained his grasp on the other boy's arm and pushed them both against the wall to shield their presence.Shinobu found himself sandwiched between brick and muscled boy flesh as the blond pressed close and poked his head around the barrier to spy on their goal.Mitsuru smelled of sunshine and spice.It was everything nice.

Shinobu felt Mitsuru's heart thudding against his chest and his own heart followed suit.In that fleeting moment of physical contact, the ice prince felt himself thaw and acknowledge the secret he had been keeping, even from himself.He experienced a jolt of dizzying joy followed almost instantaneously by a surge of despair.What good his realization if his roommate didn't share it?Because, as he looked up at the taller boy and watched the blonde's cheeks flush and his amethyst eyes sparkle, Shinobu was pretty sure that the excitement and anticipation evident in Mitsuru's face would never – could never - be directed at him.

"What should we do now, huh?Ryan has left the building.What now, huh, Shin?Should we follow him?Or should we recon the apartment?Shinobu?"

In his frenzied indecision, Mitsuru began hopping from one foot to another, forgetting that he still had his friend's shoulders pinioned to the wall with his hands.The friction caused by his jouncing was…delightful.But it was neither the time nor the place.

"Mitsuru."

"Ooooh!I think he's headed for the train station!"

"Mitsuru."

"If we don't move now, we're gonna lose him!"

"Mitsuru!"

"What?"

"I can't breathe." 

Shinobu arched an eyebrow as the blonde finally refocused his attention.Startled amethyst met enigmatic grey.A brief flare of undisguised need came to the fore before Shinobu could tamp it down, but as he'd expected, Mitsuru was too caught up in their current quest to give him more than a puzzled look before pushing away from him a bit sheepishly.

"Gomen."

"Yes.Well.I think out next course of action is quite clear here."Formality and efficiency always gave Shinobu comfort."You will go after him – inconspicuously, please! – and find out where he's headed.Once he reaches his destination, find a phone and give me a call on the cell.You are not – I repeat, not! – to engage the target under any circumstances.In the meantime, I'll go to his apartment and see what I can find."

"Aw, Shinobu!Why do I have to do all the legwork?" 

"Do you know how to pick locks?"

"Hmph.Fine!But can I at least have the cell phone?" 

"Go, Mitsuru." In a tone that brooked no argument, Shinobu effectively cut off any other whining his friend could have done.He shoved the binoculars into the book bag, zipped it closed, thrust it in Mitsuru's unresisting grasp then gave him a gentle shove in the right direction.

"I'm going, I'm going!You are so pushy!"

"But that's why you love me, right?" 

Shinobu couldn't resist; it was such the perfect opening.If this had been a movie, Mitsuru would have gazed into his eyes and brushed back his hair and trailed his hand down his cheek and answered "yes" in a soft, caressing voice.But this was not a movie, and Shinobu was not so lucky.Rather, Mitsuru gave him a wink and a grin that could have meant anything then bolted off to complete his mission.Shinobu sighed a bit despondently but squared his shoulders and made his way purposefully across the street to fulfill his part in the madness.

** **

** **

**  
**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

** **

**Chapter 12**

The deadly ninja stalked his prey with stealthy…

No, no, no!I can do this!Shinobu would not be happy if you failed a simple covert pursuit.Focus, Ikeda!

Mitsuru gave himself a mental shrug and dodged behind a parked car as Ryan crossed the street several meters ahead of him.The blonde had been tailing the other boy for a good five blocks and it looked as if Ryan had no particular destination in mind.In fact, the boy walked so slowly and leisurely that Mitsuru had been hard-pressed in keeping himself hidden from view.Whenever the blonde darted forward, thinking he'd lost his quarry, he'd find Ryan paused in front of a store window or leaning against a random bus stop kiosk.It was the most aggravatingly tedious chase in all of chase-dom.No wonder Mitsuru had succumbed to his imaginary scenarios again.

_ _

_Ryan, where the hell are you going?And why is it taking you till next century to get there?_

Mitsuru did notice a pattern to their meanderings, however.It seemed the other boy was prone to shady areas, avoiding bright spots of sunlight like the plague.They had skirted around the baseball field rather than cutting through it, keeping to the dapple of the trees.They had paused under coffee shop canopies, eschewed a closer park bench for one further down because that one hadn't been devoid of shadow.If Mitsuru hadn't been so confident of his abilities, he could've sworn Ryan was toying with him.

_Oh, for the love of all that's sacred and holy!Not again!_

Mitsuru groaned audibly as Ryan ducked into yet another kissaten for yet another cup of coffee.If the previous times were any indication, Mitsuru knew he was in for at least a fifteen-minute wait.

_That's it!If he gets to enjoy this little outing, then dammit, why can't I? Shinobu never said anything about not eating.Mmmm…eating…_

Mitsuru's eyes wandered around for respite from his ever-present hunger, smiling happily when he spied a yatai across the street and within perfect vantage point of the coffee house Ryan had ventured into.He fished in his pockets, grimaced at their emptiness, then grinned wickedly as he remembered that Shinobu had given him his wallet to hold onto during their stake out.

_Shin, do you mind if I borrow some money?Why no, Mitsuru, my best friend in the whole wide world, I don't mind at all!It's the least I can do, making you do all the hard work like this!Why thank you, Shinobu!You're a prince among men!_

Whistling cheerily and shamelessly justifying his theft to himself, Mitsuru hurried to still the rumbling in his stomach.He filched the wallet from his book bag and withdrew a sufficient amount of yen to purchase a bowl of ramen from the stall's vendor then perched on a stool and continued his watch, all the while enjoying sweet sustenance and allowing his mind to wander.

The footsore ninja partook of his meager feast while the dreaded demon enjoyed a more savory…

_Stop!Focus!Shinobu's right; this was all my doing.I can't be distracted.I won't be distracted!_

But try as he might, Mitsuru could not really awaken the initial sense of urgency he'd felt when he'd first broached the Ryan dilemma with his roommate.In the two days of the protracted stake out, the blonde had been preoccupied with other matters.He'd tried to avoid dealing with said other matters by engaging in his role-play scenarios, but it hadn't worked.Instead, his treacherous brain kept fixating on Shinobu and _that look_.

He'd been seeing it more and more recently.Today, in fact.And Mitsuru could ignore it no longer.Although they had agreed to an unspoken truce in the face of their mission, the blonde was pretty sure that there was something else bothering his best friend.It had something to do with the oblique glances Shinobu had been giving him since the beginning of this summer.And it had nothing to do with Ryan.

_Come to think of it, he'd been eyeing me like that since last term.I think it started after that whipped cream incident.And then that time with the sake…Could Ryan be right, then?Nah!But…maybe?Shin's been acting really weird…Ah, Ikeda, will you stop beating around the bush!Be a man!Call a spade a spade.Shinobu has the hots for you._

There.He'd said it.Shinobu liked him.In that way.And rather than getting the queasy feeling he knew he _ought_ to have had, Mitsuru was filled with a silly giddiness instead.

_Shinobu has the hots for…_me_!_Even in his own mind, the blonde heard the squeak of amazed disbelief at the end of that pronouncement._My best friend wants me.My best friend and roommate – the guy I share a room with; the guy I take baths with; the guy who's heard me snore – he wants me.K'so!_

Mitsuru told the yammering in his chest to keep it down so he could ponder his revelation in relative peace.Now that he'd defined the situation, he was surprised he hadn't noticed it before.Perhaps his ignorance was due, in part, to that portion of his brain that told him such a relationship with Shinobu was wrong and that shied away from acknowledging the possibility of it.Perhaps.

But Mitsuru was nothing if not open-minded.He knew all about homosexual liaisons; in an all-boys dormitory, it was hard not to at least indulge in the "what ifs" every once in a while.In fact, rumor had it that a certain third year was currently involved with his roommate in the biblical sense.Seeing as how that certain third year was also the captain of the baseball team really helped dispel any stereotypes that may have existed in the minds of the other dormers.Besides, Greenwood hadn't developed its reputation as a home for "weirdos, outcasts and lunatics" for nothing.Homosexuality didn't even warrant a raised eyebrow.

So that portion of Mitsuru's brain that screamed "wrongness" at him was not concerned with morals and sexual proclivities.Rather, if the blonde were honest with himself, he knew why he'd been so hesitant to confront his emotions: it was his aversion to emotional attachments.Of any kind.

Mitsuru had many friends; his innate good nature made this inevitable.But none of them had ever come close to touching that core of him; that secret part he kept locked away and safe from hurt and betrayal and abandonment.But meeting Shinobu had changed all that.He'd found his secret self drawn inexorably to the silver-haired enigma, maybe because it had felt a kinship to the private, implacable boy.And in the year that they'd been roommates and friends, Mitsuru had somehow let his guard slip and allowed Shinobu free access to his sanctum sanctorum.

_Shinobu _wants_ me.Shinobu wants _me_._Shinobu_ wants me._

** **

Mitsuru played with the sentence in his mind, emphasizing different words and reveling in the stomach-churning sensation each attempt incited.It was similar to the feeling he got when he rode roller coasters: it was frightening and exhilarating and explosive and…and…

** **

Ryan was on the move again.Cursing the boy for ten different kinds of bastard, Mitsuru reluctantly pulled himself away from the mad circus in his heart and resumed pursuit.But he did so without thought of ninja, safari hunter or sniper.This time, he imagined himself a smug, scheming Casanova.

~

** **

Shinobu entered Apartment 603.It had taken him several abortive attempts to do so since it seemed to be that time of day when everyone and their dog roamed the hallways and visited.He had alternately been a maintenance man, a friend of that shut-in in #615 and a lovesick swain looking for the light of his life who had abandoned him two years ago.****

With each fabricated story, Shinobu felt his patience slipping but he had to admit that hanging out with Mitsuru and his friend's overactive imagination had stood him in good stead.No one had questioned his lingering presence in the hallway and, when the coast was finally clear, he had crouched low, fiddled with his highly illegal set of lock picks – thank you, Furusawa! – and had the lock at his mercy in less than five seconds.Not bad, but he'd done it in less.

The living room was as Mitsuru had described.Devoid of anything that could possibly make it a home.There were no cheery curtains gracing the sterile windows, no family portraits on the walls.The pictures that were hung were of the cold, impersonal variety: black and white stills of urban living and desolation.And it looked like Sakata hadn't invested in any furniture since Mitsuru had last visited.There was the lonely television and there was the single coffee table.It was as if Ryan had expected his apartment to be invaded and had taken every precaution to strip his abode of anything remotely personal.

Still, Shinobu was not daunted.He knew the treasure trove lay beyond the deceptively austere living room.So he paid no heed to the unpacked boxes standing guard around the perimeter of the room; he knew they were just decoys for the real thing.He headed straight for Sakata's bedroom.

He opened the door and entered cautiously, a bit taken aback by the ease with which he gained access to the sanctuary.No bells and whistles; no Mission Impossible alarms and traps to bypass; not even a simple lock.Sakata's life was an open book ripe for eager perusal.

Shinobu was not as easily impressed as his roommate and therefore ignored the myriad photographs of Ryan and seemingly famous people on the walls.He also swept past the other clutter, although he did take note of the gutted guitar and the names of specific cds he noticed in strategic places.He started a mental checklist of seemingly random information that could prove useful later on.

He paused in the middle of the room and stared at the paper cranes, momentarily mesmerized by the sheer blackness and number of the twisting, twirling paper above him.Then his analytical side took over and he noted the precision with which the cranes had been folded.It must have taken a long time to fold so many so carefully.Shinobu didn't know a lot of people who had the time or the patience for such a task.This was significant.****

** **

Mitsuru had mentioned Sakata hiding something under the bed and the amateur sleuth looked there next.What he found only confirmed the theory he had been gradually developing concerning the boy's mysterious past.He carefully replaced his discovery in the same spot he'd pulled it from; he wanted to leave no trace of his presence here.His exacting nature was proving a perfect complement to his other highly questionable skills.

Shinobu felt fairly confident that he had the information he had come for.All he needed now was concrete proof, not circumstantial; something to shove under Sakata's nose and dare the boy to deny what Shinobu was going to have great pleasure in accusing him of.He gave the bedroom a quick once-over, wondering what else he could have overlooked.

_If I had a secret…and it was eating at me inside…and I had no one to tell it to…and it was driving me crazy, I would…eat? No, I'm not Mitsuru; I'm Sakata.I would…_

Shinobu circled the room as he thought, mulling over the situation.He stepped over a pile of dirty laundry, passed the amp, almost tripped over stacks of cds, sidestepped crumpled wads of what looked to be sheet music, toed a little black notebook…

A little black notebook.

** **

Can I be so lucky?

It couldn't be this easy.Either the gods were smiling on him today – and about time, too! – or the notebook held nothing of importance to be left lying about in plain sight.Then again, Sakata was hardly expecting company.Shinobu hunkered down and flipped through the pages, half-hoping, and began to read.

_Before I could say anything else, he stood up and started walking out the room.Total déjà vu.I didn't want to lose him again, but what choice did we have?We had crossed the line and I knew things could never be the same between us…_

Shinobu's heart started thumping wildly as his eyes devoured every black flourish on the pages before him.This was it!The map to the maze.The key to the puzzle.The Holy Grail.He stopped reading a passage midway and turned to the very beginning.He felt like a marauder, violating Sakata's privacy this way, but as each page related its tragic tale, Shinobu's resentment and jealousy dissipated, to be replaced by a profound empathy and sorrow.

It was a good thing he was a fast reader, and that he'd aced his English class the previous year.Because by the time he received the phone call from Mitsuru, Shinobu had finished scanning the journal and had time to ponder his information and the potential consequences of his stolen knowledge.He did not need to hear his friend's report of Ryan's whereabouts.He already knew.

**  
**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

** **

**Chapter 13**

Mitsuru waited impatiently by the entrance of Komagome Hospital.It was a toss-up who would get to him first: Shinobu or Ryan.And he didn't know how he would react to either one.He was a roiling mass of confusion and concern with a little bit of fear and apprehension thrown in.

Shinobu had sounded curt over the phone, but Mitsuru was unsure whether the brusqueness had been due to Mitsuru's interrupting his mission or the information he said he'd uncovered.The blonde hoped it was the latter.He did not want to be on his best friend's bad side right now.He'd had plenty of time to mull over his theory about Shinobu's feelings for him and he knew they had to talk about it.Soon.He needed Shinobu calm and amenable when he finally confronted him.

Then there was Ryan.Shinobu had commanded his friend not to engage the target, but Ryan's entering the hospital - after all that senseless meandering beforehand - drove Mitsuru mad with curiosity and he had been half-tempted to disobey orders and poke his nose where it didn't belong.In fact, he'd made a couple of half-hearted attempts to investigate but it seemed fate – or Shinobu's damnable luck – had conspired against him.The two times he'd tried to approach the receptionist, he'd been shoved aside in favor of more pressing emergencies.

_Damn that boy and his broken leg anyway!I didn't see any bone breaking through skin; it wasn't that bad!And that girl with the bleeding forehead.For crying out loud!Just swab it up and throw a bandage on it!Head wounds always look worse than they really are_!Mitsuru grumbled unfeelingly.

So Shinobu had won again.And the boy wasn't even in the near vicinity.

_How does he do that?_Mitsuru wondered irritably._The gods must love him lots, for him to always get what he wants_.

Mitsuru exited the hospital with ill grace and continued his surveillance with growing irritation.The blonde checked his watch for the twentieth time in as many minutes.Everything was moving with agonizing slowness.If something didn't happen soon, Mitsuru swore he would go insane.Patience was not one of his virtues.He was so itching for action that he didn't even think to distract himself by playing his imaginary games.Somehow, the tone Shinobu's voice had conveyed over the phone and the discovery of Ryan's final destination warranted less frivolity and more solemnity.

The hospital doors swung open and Mitsuru looked up idly, not really expecting much, the way things had been going for him recently.But it was Ryan.And Mitsuru knew his premonitions of doom had not been unfounded.Because this was a Ryan he had not yet encountered. He had observed the boy in his many phases: snarky, aloof, sarcastic, even playful.But Mitsuru had never seen the boy look so pale.Or so afraid.

The blonde was so taken aback by the stark fear in Ryan's face that his resolve to confront the boy faded with a whimper.It was with extreme diffidence that he drew himself up from the wall he'd been leaning against and made his presence known.He instantly regretted his action.The expression on Ryan's face upon seeing him was not encouraging.

"What the hell are you doing here?Are you following me?Who'd you talk to?What do you know?"

Ryan was acting like a wounded cub, lashing out with blind fierceness at what he construed as a threat.More than ever, Mitsuru wished he'd followed Shinobu's advice about not engaging the target.But it was too late for recriminations, and the blonde tried to salvage the situation with his innate tact and aplomb.

"Ryan!Hey, calm down, ne?I was just passing by on my way to…"

The glare Ryan directed at him stopped him in mid-sentence.This was not working.On to Plan B.Did he have a Plan B?

"So, what brings you here?"

Oh, good Plan B.

Ryan scowled even more darkly and Mitsuru looked away, frantically wishing for Shinobu to hurry up and get there.The awkwardness between the two boys was bordering on hostile tension, and for once, Mitsuru was at a loss.In the midst of the normal frenetic hospital activity, a silence settled over the two boys.The blonde shifted uneasily on his feet, clutching his book bag and wanting nothing more than to rewind back to a few seconds ago so he could have chosen option number two: stay hidden.

Mitsuru was about to attempt another inane conversational gambit when an orderly rushed out of the hospital, calling to Ryan loudly. "Mr. Sakata!You forgot your medication!"

Ryan turned to the man and snatched the proffered bag from his grasp.Then, with a curt nod at the slightly put-out nurse, he stalked off, leaving Mitsuru behind, gaping at his boorishness.The blonde looked to the orderly to apologize for his friend's behavior, his courteousness taking over.This, he could do.It was a relief, really, to be able to do something right.Ryan's anger had momentarily stymied him, and Mitsuru hated feeling ineffectual. 

It was the look on the orderly's face, more than anything, that galvanized the blonde into action.The man had gotten over his initial outrage at Ryan's abruptness, and his face was now transformed into a mask of compassion and sorrow.Whatever it was that had brought Ryan to the hospital, it was serious enough to have warranted sympathy from even this subordinate.Mitsuru murmured a hasty "gomen" and rushed after the other boy.

"What was that all about?You didn't have to be so rude!"

"And who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do?" At least Ryan was talking to him, although the boy didn't slow his stride.

"I thought I was your friend."

"Maybe you should stop thinking, then."

"Now hold on a minute…" Mitsuru grabbed the other boy's arm and yanked him roughly to a halt.There was just so much insolence he could take before his own hot-headedness came to the fore."I don't know what's going on here, but I think the least you owe me is some courtesy and an explanation."

"Why?" Ryan looked pointedly at the hand that still held him but Mitsuru was not swayed by his iciness.He maintained his grip.

"Look, we haven't heard from you in almost a week…"

"We?" Ryan arched his eyebrow.

"Yes, `we'!Shinobu and me.And for almost a week…"

"The phone works both ways you know."

"Yes, but…"

"And from Tezuka's reaction that night on the train, I really didn't think you'd want me to call.I figured I'd give him some time to cool off. What do you think he would've said if I'd called you the morning after?"

"Well, that's true, but…"

"So I waited for you to get a hold of me.And when you didn't, I just assumed Tezuka got to you and I was back to being persona non grata, and since I figured you guys had issues to work out…well, I'm not a home wrecker, you know."

"A home --- now, wait a minute…"

"And now you're following me, maybe even spying on me.Did you even stop to think that this was my private business and I didn't want you to know?Then you accuse me of being rude, demand explanations where none is needed.I don't know how things work in Japan, Ikeda, but back where I come from, _you're_ the one that's fucked up here."

Somehow, Ryan had managed to turn the tables, making Mitsuru feel remorseful and in desperate need to blurt out explanations.The blonde could not get in a word edgewise, however, and the longer he was held in check, the more he felt his guilt growing.It was done so smoothly and so insidiously.Even Shinobu would have been impressed.

"Now let go of my arm and leave me the hell alone," Ryan withdrew the appendage in question from Mitsuru's unresisting grasp and turned to walk away.

"It's gotten worse, hasn't it?"The question was soft, neutral.Mitsuru looked up from his paralysis to see Shinobu standing directly in front of Ryan's path, effectively blocking any retreat the other boy could have been contemplating.

The afternoon sun played impartial witness to the drama that was unfolding.All three participants were at a standstill, jostled every once in a while by rush hour pedestrians.Cars whizzed past, creating sporadic bursts of breeze that caught at hair and ruffled brown, blond and silver.Mitsuru stared at his roommate, marveling at the boy's sudden yet timely appearance. Ryan hugged his bag of medication protectively to his chest, a faraway look in his eyes.Shinobu had his arms loosely at his sides, his stance easy and non-threatening.

"Ryan."

Mitsuru started at the gentleness in his best friend's voice.Ryan registered it as well and his glazed expression refocused slowly.The boy met Shinobu's eyes half-belligerently, unable to accept the apparent solicitude coming from his former enemy.The two locked gazes and Ryan felt disbelief warring with hope in his heart as he saw the raw sincerity in Shinobu's grey depths.The day had been long; the visit, traumatic; the subsequent news, gut-wrenching.He was exhausted.He didn't want to fight anymore.He was sick of fighting.Hope won out.

Ryan held out his hand and Shinobu took hold.

"Let's get out of here?" 

"Hai."

  



	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The Shinkansen-Nozomi line sped away from the Tokyo station like an effortless behemoth.Housed within were a disgruntled blonde, a desperately giddy brunette and a highly amused silver-haired prince.Due to certain circumstances, the trip to Osaka International Airport, normally a two-hour jaunt, would turn out to be three.It was going to be a long, bumpy ride.

~ Hour One ~

"And then?"

"And then a twenty-minute bus ride to the terminal."

"And then?"

"Our flight leaves at 10:30.Plenty of time to check in when we get there."

"And then?"

"I think it's an hour to Okinawa."

"Oh."Ryan subsided for the meantime, sitting back in his seat to ponder the information.

Mitsuru heaved an almost audible sigh of relief at the respite, made sure Ryan wasn't looking at him, then turned around quickly to gaze at his roommate in supplication.Shinobu, in the seat behind him, lifted his eyebrows questioningly, although a glimmer of mischief belied his pretended ignorance.Mitsuru made a moue of impatience then jerked his head in Ryan's direction, rolling his eyes heavenward.Shinobu eyes crinkled with suppressed mirth but shook his head in negation.Mitsuru wrinkled his nose disgustedly, glaring daggers at his roommate.In turn, Shinobu shut his eyes and laid his head on his seat's backrest, effectively shutting out the blonde's plea.The wadded-up train schedule that bounced off his silvery head also went unnoticed.

Oh, I am so enjoying this!

"You are so enjoying this!" Mitsuru snarled irritably at his best friend and was about to lob another projectile at him when Ryan started up again.

"So then what?"

Mitsuru grunted exasperatedly but turned back to the boy."From the airport, we'll catch the shuttle and head for Naha and the beach house."

"And then?"

"And then we sleep!" Mitsuru forced himself not to yell but couldn't quite keep the last word from rising up an octave.Ryan looked at him quizzically but was undeterred.

"Yeah.I know that.I meant after.What then?How far is the place from the beach?Is the surf any good?What about the babes?Huh, Mitsu?Mitsuru?"

"Hey, Ryan.I have an idea.Why don't you go track down that bento seller and get us some snacks?"Mitsuru grasped at straws, anything to stem the incessant chatter that had plagued him since the journey began.

"Oh.Really?You're hungry?But didn't we just have dinner…?"

"Go!"In an unconscious echo of his roommate, Mitsuru pointed to the exit with an imperious finger then turned his back on the boy in obvious dismissal.

The blonde held his breath until he was sure of Ryan's departure then slumped melodramatically against his seat, wearily resting his forehead in his hands.He looked up only when he heard what sounded like choking coming from behind him.

"Don't start."

Snort.

"I don't want to hear it."

Chuckle.

"Will you knock it off!"

The belly laugh that followed was so unlike Shinobu that, had he been in a better frame of mind, Mitsuru would have added it to his private tally of how many times he'd seen his friend lose composure.As it was, the blonde ignored the guffaws and searched instead for something large and preferably pointy to heave at his unsympathetic tormentor.

"Oh, but this is too perfect, Ikeda!`Let's take a trip', you said.`Let's show him the sights', you said.`Anything to take his mind off his illness', you said.Well, you want to know what I say? You made your bed…" Shinobu interrupted his own speech with another hearty chortle of glee.

Mitsuru turned his back to his roommate and folded his arms across his chest, sulking.Shinobu was right.Again.This entire excursion had been his inspired idea to help Ryan forget – at least for a while – the news that had been given him.But he hadn't been able to help himself.That day of the stake out, when Ryan had woodenly shared the report with the two over beer and sushi, Mitsuru had felt his heart clench in rabid sympathy and incredulity.

He'd only known Ryan for less than a month, but in that time, the boy had managed to wangle his way into his exclusive club, of which previously, Shinobu had been the only member.It had been part fascination and part novelty that had drawn Mitsuru to Ryan in the first place.But as they'd spent more time together, his eerie resemblance to Shinobu, both in mannerisms and thought, had made the blonde warm to him even more.

So when Ryan had revealed what the doctors had told him that day, Mitsuru felt like he'd been punched in the gut; that it was happening to Shinobu and not Ryan. And, in a spontaneous fit of stupidity, he'd opened his mouth and said:

"Road trip."

"What?"

"Yeah, road trip.We should all go."

"Mitsuru, are you insane?" Shinobu eyed his roommate as if he'd grown a third eye.Mitsuru was normally not this insensitive.How could he even suggest something so ludicrous?If what Ryan had said was true, he was in no condition to travel.

"No.I think it would be fun.Just the thing to clear our heads and get away from everything.Plus, we've been in the city too long.Summer's almost over and all we've done is stuff we could have done during the school year.That's stupid.We should live it up at least once this break!"Mitsuru was stubborn and his enthusiasm was catching.

"Well, shit.Since you put it that way…why the hell not?"Ryan's eyes gleamed maniacally over his beer bottle and any protest Shinobu was about to raise died on his lips.The look on Ryan's face reminded him of the journal entries, the fear masked as truculence, the doctors' report.Shinobu was not about to deny the boy anything now.Worrying about tomorrow was useless because, for one of them, tomorrow might never come.

~ Hour Two ~

"You are looking entirely too pleased with yourself."

"Oh, are you done sulking now?"

"I wasn't sulking!"

"Mitsuru, you haven't spoken in twenty minutes."

"So?"

"Just an observation, I suppose."Shinobu indolently maintained his reclining position on the train seat.Traveling by bullet train was almost decadent, especially when one had the funds to procure a private coach.

"I think you're trying to change the subject."

"Aren't you worried about Ryan?He's been gone entirely too long."

"You _are_ changing the subject!But I'm wise to you; you can't fool me.What do you have planned in that twisted little mind of yours?" Mitsuru pounced, knees on the seat and elbows akimbo on the backrest.He glared at his roommate suspiciously.

"Are you done sulking?"

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"Are you done sulking?" Shinobu repeated evenly, expectation implicit in his tone.

Mitsuru sighed resignedly."Fine.I was sulking.Now I'm done.I'm sorry.Now will you tell me?"

"Perhaps."

"Shi-no-bu!" The blonde wailed, aggrieved that his apology had been for naught.

"You'll see when we get to Okinawa.It's not a secret so much as it is a surprise."

Mitsuru's transformation was hilarious.As Shinobu watched, amused, the blonde's expression changed from outraged scowl to eager grin in a matter of seconds.It was entirely too easy to make the boy happy.And this was but one of the reasons why Shinobu loved him.

Suddenly, without fair warning, Mitsuru leaped over the train seat and unceremoniously plopped down on his roommate's outstretched legs.Shinobu noted the warmth and weight on his shins and the abruptly staccato beating of his heart against his rib cage.He winced inwardly.

So his feelings hadn't been a fluke; he was in love with his best friend.At least, according to his manga, that was what this feeling indicated.The rush of blood to his temples at the merest touch from Mitsuru.The yammering in his heart at a hint of a smile from Mitsuru.The hardening of his… 

"A surprise?For me?"

Shinobu tried to focus on what his friend was saying but was finding it difficult to breathe with Mitsuru being in such close proximity. He also seemed to have lost all ability to move.The blonde was staring at him with wide, guileless eyes and he felt himself being slowly sucked into a vortex of warm violet.

This was it!Shinobu was giving him that look again!It was the perfect time to pry open that can of worms and see what came wriggling out.Mitsuru experienced a spasm of nervous excitement in his belly.It was now or never.He opened his mouth to begin.

"Hey, guys!Guess what?There's this cool chick in the car next to us and she says she's gonna be at the same inn we're staying at?How cool is that?" Ryan came barreling into the coach then stopped abruptly at the sight before him.

"Uh, guys?Am I interrupting something?"

Gah!Ryan had the worst timing in the world!And his metamorphosis from impassive loner into tsunami of energy was grating, to say the least.If Shinobu hadn't recognized the desperation lurking behind Ryan's frenzied activity, he would have snapped.He had _really_ wanted to know what Mitsuru had been about to say.Now it was his turn to be disgruntled.

Mitsuru, on the other hand, knew a saved-by-the-bell moment when he saw it and he seized it with relief.Maybe he wasn't as ready – or as brave – as he thought he'd been.

"No, not interrupting. Shin and I were just discussing his need to firm up his abs and I was showing him the proper method of exercising." The blonde blithely lied through his teeth while surreptitiously squeezing his roommate's leg as a plea for support.Shinobu, still breathless with unspoken need and a desire to throttle Ryan, nodded his acquiescence.He would get back at Mitsuru for that crack about his stomach later.

"Oh." Ryan looked at the couple, unconvinced, but he was still wary of Shinobu and the uneasy truce they'd forged so he knew better than to push his luck.So he shrugged his shoulders after a second and held up hands that clutched at paper sacks."Bento, anyone?"

~ Hour Three ~

For all that the Shinkansen line was the fastest, most efficient way to get around Japan, Shinobu still missed the clacking of steel wheels against rails that a regular train produced.It was too quiet in the coach.Ryan had finally dozed off, plugged into his earphones once again.Mitsuru was groggily following suit.Even the scenery that whizzed past seemed to heave a collective sigh of slumber as everything shut down for the night.

But Shinobu was wide awake.Wisps of conversations and unspoken declarations trammeled his mind and refused to give him surcease from their troubling implications.

The sun worsens his condition…Stay in the shade as much as possible…What's wrong?How is he?….I don't know where my dad is right now…Why do you care?…We're best friends…Make sure he takes his medication…I love him…What do you want me to do?…Does he even ask about me?…I'm sorry…I'll help…This is against our better judgment…I'm an emancipated minor…I'll be there as soon as I can…Is it bad?…What if it was you?…I can't lose you…I love him…

It was happening too fast.Hadn't they just ended the term three weeks ago?Summer was almost over and so much had happened.So many secrets; so many misunderstandings.Why was he doing this?Why was he so concerned?Was this all because of some misdirected sense of guilt?Shinobu found himself staring at Ryan's slumbering form as myriad emotions ran rampant within him.

"It's hard to tell he's sick, ne?"

Shinobu was snatched out of his reverie by the whispered question.

"The doctors say they've done all they can.He's got a unique strain of lupus and they haven't been able to diagnose an effective cure."

Shinobu was contemplative, his tone indicating that he was still mulling things out in his head.Mitsuru remained silent, waiting for the rest.

"Their experimental drugs seemed to work the first time, when he collapsed.But as fast as they took effect, that's how fast he develops an immunity to them."

"Doesn't it all seem so sudden?"

"They've been observing him for months, Mitsuru.They were working on his case even before he came to Japan.And he's been in and out of the hospital since he arrived.He just didn't tell you.Didn't you think it was odd that he only met you during the late afternoons?"

Mitsuru grunted noncommittally and watched his roommate for several seconds.Shinobu's face was solemn, his attention still focused on the object of their conversation.The blonde sat up abruptly, all fogginess from sleep dissolved.

"You're worried, aren't you?"

"Hai."

"That's a switch, isn't it?I mean, one minute you're at each other's throats and the next minute, you're talking to his doctors and making travel arrangements.Why are you doing this, Shin?What aren't you telling me?" 

Ah, the crux of his dilemma!Shinobu met his best friend's gaze then looked away, eyes trained sightlessly out the window.How could he tell Mitsuru what he'd read in the journal?That the reason Ryan had been so drawn to the blonde was his more than passing resemblance to Moon?That Ryan was more than likely trying to atone for his treatment of his best friend by befriending Mitsuru?

The best case scenario could have Mitsuru acting weird and awkward, alternately trying to fill Moon's shoes for Ryan's benefit then resenting such an action and asserting his own identity.Worst case?Mitsuru could take everything the wrong way and despise Ryan for what he'd done.Shinobu wasn't close enough to Ryan to have been able to defend the boy's decisions.And heaven forfend that he ask Ryan to defend himself.The boy didn't even know to what extent his privacy had been violated.

"Shinobu?" 

"We're almost there, Mitsuru.Let's wake Ryan up and get everything organized, ne?"

He was being unforthcoming again.First his little surprise and now this.Not to mention the unresolved issues concerning their relationship.Mitsuru was getting a little tired of being kept in the dark.He was about to pull some serious mule-headed attitude and demand answers when he felt the train slow smoothly in preparation for its arrival at the station.

_The luck of the gods…_

Mitsuru clamped his jaw shut and angrily poked at Ryan to wake.

~

The trip to Okinawa was uneventful.It was late, and the middle of the week, so the plane was at half capacity.Ryan was still tired and was in and out of consciousness.Mitsuru clung to his peevishness and pointedly ignored his roommate by reading a random magazine he'd found poking out of the seat pocket in front of him.Shinobu didn't mind the cold shoulder he'd been given; he really didn't want to talk until he'd reconciled all the conflicting emotions in his own head.

However, as the hour drew to a close and the plane decreased its altitude, Shinobu found himself growing increasingly agitated.Had he done the right thing?What would Ryan say?What about Mitsuru?He was holding all the cards and it looked like a royal flush; so why was he so anxious?Shinobu hated feeling impotent but was unable to still the nattering twin demons of indecision and insecurity in his mind.

The last leg of their journey was spent in relative silence.The shuttle that met them was as empty as the plane had been.Shinobu drummed his fingertips against the armrest nervously.Aside from this affectation, he was able to compose himself to such a degree that Ryan, now wide awake and peering out the window, noticed nothing out of the ordinary.Mitsuru, though, was more attuned to him and kept watch.

_Is he gonna have a seizure?Great!Now there'll be two of them I have to take care of!Well, I'm not doing it.No way!_The blonde thought spitefully to himself.

"Oh my god!Finally!We're here!" Ryan broke the quiet with his pronouncement.Neither of the other boys wanted to reminded him that the trip would have been shorter had they been allowed to travel the quicker route that his illness had prevented them from using.

All three stepped off the shuttle and were instantly met by the salty smell of waves luffing against the shore.It was now midnight and no one was making use of the resort umbrellas suck forlornly in the sand.But the sight of them was a promise of the indolence and sloth to come.That was tomorrow, though.Now, the boys merely hefted bags on weary shoulders and followed the path that led up to the rental.Ryan was in luck; they were right on the beach.

Shinobu walked so slowly that he was several meters behind Mitsuru before the blonde noticed his absence.Mitsuru hurried back and was about to pull Shinobu onward, all the while resolved to maintain his silence when the boy dropped his bag and grabbed his arm.

"What is wrong with you?" Mitsuru hissed, finally giving up all attempt at ignoring his roommate in his irritation.

"The surprise."

"What?"

"I hope it made it."

"What?"

"Just wait here a moment."

"Why?" Mitsuru was at the end of his rope.

"You'll see." 

Ryan had made it to the stoop of the beach house and paused uncertainly when the porch light blazed fluorescent at his approach.

"Shinobu, what have you done?"

"Shhhh!Here it comes!"

Ryan had dismissed the conveniently lit bulb as a marvel of Japanese efficiency and had turned to face the other two."Hey, guys!What are you waiting for?"

The door opened behind the unsuspecting boy and Shinobu, who had been watching the entrance with the fierceness of a hawk, clutched at Mitsuru's arm.Mitsuru glanced at his roommate, followed his gaze and peered at the door as well.

"Let's go, guys.I'm beat.All I wanna do right now is go to bed."

"That can be arranged."

Ryan whirled around in shock at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Moon?!"


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Song lyrics by Eve 6 – Here's to the Night**

** **
    
    [So denied; so I lied; are you the now or never kind?]
    
     
    
    The full moon beamed benevolently on the earth, its muted light caressing the landscape below.It sent whispers of silver slinking silently over the ocean's stygian surface.A lone seagull, weary from flight, cast a lazy shadow on the glimmering sands below, its wings playing tag with a susurrous sea breeze.The bird's raucous cry as it lanced across the cloudless sky seemed somehow less cacophonous, accompanied as it was by the dulled hush of the waves slipping against the shore.
    
     
    
    It was a night made for innocent romance.Or bitter regret.
    
     
    
    "Let's go."Abruptly, Shinobu grabbed Mitsuru's arm and made a beeline for the beach.
    
     
    
    "What?Why?Shin!Ow!Hold on a sec!"
    
     
    
    The blonde dug his heels in the sand and refused to budge.His superior strength failed him this time, though.Shinobu's determination superceded his stubbornness and Mitsuru found himself relentlessly pulled further and further away from the drama that was being played out on the beach house stoop.
    
     
    
    "Just trust me on this."
    
     
    
    "Well, wait a minute then!These are my new track shoes!"
    
     
    
    Mitsuru snatched his arm from his roommate's almost painful grasp and proceeded to kick off his Nikes.While Shinobu waited impatiently, he then unhooked his backpack from his shoulders, unzipped it, and hunkered down, trying to stuff his footgear in the already over-packed bag.It looked to be a tricky maneuver that promised to take a while and Shinobu sighed but decided to do the same.His new boots didn't need a sand-scuffing either. 
    
     
    
    As he fastidiously repacked his own bag, which was as meticulously organized as Mitsuru's was haphazardly, the boy snuck a glance at his roommate.Mitsuru had taken off his socks and was rolling up his jeans.He was also casting furtive glances at the shadowy pair that seemed to have been frozen at the entrance of the bungalow.
    
     
    
    "Oh, no you don't!" Shinobu leaped up from his crouched position and grabbed at the blonde's arm again.He should have known better; the shoe excuse was a ploy to get him to let his guard down.Shinobu grinned inwardly despite himself.The master had taught the student well.
    
     
    
    "I just wanna see what's going on!Who was that guy anyway, huh?And why did Ryan look like he was about to pass out when he saw him?"
    
     
    
    "You ask too many questions."
    
     
    
    "Only when my best friend keeps secrets from me.Come on, Shinobu!'Fess up!I know you know who that is.And it's not fair that you're not telling me!"Mitsuru's voice approached whine status as he kept craning his neck to look behind him, all the while being yanked to the shoreline.
    
     
    
    "That was my surprise.There.Are you satisfied?Now let's go and give them some privacy."
    
     
    
    "But what about our bags?" Mitsuru made one last attempt to stall the inexorable pulling.
    
     
    
    "Leave them."Shinobu was not going to be fooled again.
    
     
    
    "Can you at least tell me who that is?I think I should know, just in case something dire happens to you like – oh, I don't know – your tripping over a conch shell in this dark and hitting your head on a stray rock.If I knew who that guy was, I could yell out his name for help or something…" Mitsuru trailed off as he spied the half-derisive, half-affectionate look on his roommate's face.
    
     
    
    "That has got to be the most idiotic reason for wanting to know someone's name that I've ever heard of.And it's not even dark, you lackwit!Plus, Ryan's there.You could always scream out his na --- wait a minute!This is ridiculous!I refuse to even entertain in your addle-pated thinking!"
    
     
    
    "Addle-pated?Is that even a word?"
    
     
    
    "It is if I say so."
    
     
    
    "You know, that superior attitude of yours is gonna get your teeth knocked out of you someday."
    
     
    
    "I'd like to see someone try."
    
     
    
    "Arrogant snob."
    
     
    
    "Insufferable nag."
    
     
    
    "Elitist!"
    
     
    
    "Pest."
    
     
    
    The two boys glared at each other, Shinobu's hand still locked on to Mitsuru's arm.The moonlight wove a gentle curtain around the combatants but the electricity that sparked between the two ruined whatever tranquility it offered.All the unspoken angst and fear and confusion and uncertainty that had wreaked havoc in both their hearts for the past three weeks crescendoed to such a magnitude that neither one was able to stem the tide of acidic vituperations.
    
     
    
    "Supercilious toad!"
    
     
    
    "Feckless twit."
    
     
    
    "Selfish bastard!"
    
     
    
    "Hopeless fool."
    
     
    
    "Ah, to hell with this!"
    
     
    
    Perhaps it was an admission of defeat in their verbal sparring.Perhaps it was an undeniable itch to wipe the smug composure from that well-schooled face.Perhaps it was just time.Mitsuru didn't stop to think about his motivation.He simply yanked his arm to his chest, dragging Shinobu with it.As the stunned boy fell awkwardly into his embrace, Mitsuru grabbed his best friend's shoulders and roughly captured his mouth with his own.
    
     
    
    [In a day and a day, love, I'm gonna be gone for good again]
    
     
    
    "Hey, you." Moon offered up a shy, lopsided smile.
    
     
    
    Ryan blinked.
    
     
    
    "Surprised?" Moon canted his head to the left in an effort at nonchalance.
    
     
    
    Ryan gaped.
    
     
    
    "Did you miss me?" Moon poked him in the chest.
    
     
    
    Ryan began to hyperventilate.
    
     
    
    "Oh, shit.Dude – oh, man!Ry?Whoa!Breathe, dammit!" Moon stared, wide-eyed, then flapped his arms ineffectually and circled the other boy as he dropped his bags and bent double in an instinctive attempt urge oxygen into his lungs.
    
     
    
    "Are – you sure – you want me – to – do that?" Ryan wheezed.
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "Breathe.Coz - you know - if I stopped – breathing – you could give me mouth to mouth," Ryan grinned feebly and peered up at his friend with one eye, the other one still shut from the strain of breathing.
    
     
    
    "You little shit!You scared the hell out of me," Moon plopped on the stoop unceremoniously and crossed his arms in a huff.
    
     
    
    "Pot.Kettle.Black." Ryan joined his friend and the two sat silently for a minute as they collected themselves.
    
     
    
    The irascible seagull screeched softly overhead.The ocean chuckled back.
    
     
    
    Ryan glanced at the blonde next to him in speechless wonder.Moon.Moon was here.After all this time.And after how painfully they'd parted ways.Moon was here.And he had that same wrinkle of concern and worry on his brow, that same warm glow in his hazel eyes.Ryan felt his heart unclench and listened as the loneliness birds that had haunted him for so long took flight and soared away.
    
     
    
    "Moon…" His voice hitched, thick with emotion, and he cleared his throat, embarrassed.True to form, Moon held still and politely looked away, pretending to scrutinize the two vague forms on the beach but really giving his friend time to compose himself.Ryan tried again.
    
     
    
    "Moon, what are you doing here?"
    
     
    
    "That's a hell of a way to greet your friend after all this time."
    
     
    
    "Are you?"
    
     
    
    "What?"
    
     
    
    "Still my friend?" The hesitation and uncertainty that clung to Ryan clouded his deep blue eyes as he waited for a response.
    
     
    
    "Dumb ass!What do you think?Yeah, I'd fly across the frickin' Atlantic for just three frickin' days for pretty much anyone.What kind of a slut do you think I am?" Moon poked him impishly with an elbow, still not looking directly at him.But Ryan noted the un-tensing of the boy's shoulders and he relaxed a bit as well.
    
     
    
    Then Moon's words hit him.
    
     
    
    "Three days?Why…how…?"
    
     
    
    "I can't stay longer, Ry.The 'rents are expecting me in Taiwan on Saturday.I had a bitch of a time getting them to let me make this stopover in the first place.But when your friend, Shinobu, called…"
    
     
    
    "Shinobu?" Ryan interrupted. "Don't you mean Mitsuru?"
    
     
    
    "No." Moon looked at him evenly, making eye contact at last."Shinobu.When he called and told me about…well, I figured your dad would be too busy to be here for you and…well, you know…here I am."
    
     
    
    Ryan was flabbergasted.Shinobu?Called Moon and told him?How did he…how much did he…?
    
     
    
    "Besides, I was nowhere near your neighborhood and…" It was Moon's turn to clear his throat.He did so and gave Ryan another diffident smile."I don't want to be your boyfriend or anything.I just want to know you again."
    
     
    
    The answering grin that Ryan gifted him with was more blinding than the sun.In that moment, as they fell back into playing their favorite game of quoting movie lines at each other, both boys knew that reconciliation was at hand. Explanations could come later.And, even then, there would be no recriminations or residues of bitterness or guilt.It just wasn't their style.Ryan thanked God for Cameron Crowe and sappy romantic movies.Sometimes, they said everything better than any heartfelt apologies or Hallmark greeting cards.
    
     
    
    Moon looked at him expectantly, waiting for his best friend's response.Ryan gladly gave it to him.
    
     
    
    "What took you so long?"
    
     
    
    [Are you willing to be had?Are you cool with just tonight?]
    
     
    
    Mitsuru pulled away first and was satisfied to see his roommate speechless and adorably discombobulated.To be honest, though, the blonde was a bit disconcerted himself.Their breathing ran ragged as they stared at each other mutely.Now that the deed had been done, Mitsuru almost regretted his impulsiveness.Shinobu's grey eyes were shuttered and implacable.The only sign that anything had happened between them at all was the faint flush staining the silver-haired boy's normally pale cheeks.
    
     
    
    Water lapped at their bare feet, drawing sand away as it ebbed and making footing a bit unstable.Shinobu jerked as a particularly mischievous wave receded with a bit more force than the previous.Was it Mitsuru's imagination, or did the boy stumble toward, rather than away, from him on purpose?
    
     
    
    Mitsuru still had his hands clamped on his friend's shoulders and he used them to steady Shinobu against his chest.As the full length of their bodies drew close, Mitsuru became increasingly aware of a hardness teasing his left thigh.He didn't even question the thrill of anticipation and hope that rippled through him; he just reveled in it, holding Shinobu even closer and breathing in the intoxicating smell of him.Mint and sea breezes.It was a heady combination.
    
     
    
    "Um, Mitsuru…?" Shinobu's voice was muffled, clasped as he was against the taller boy.
    
     
    
    "Hai?" Mitsuru was afraid to break the silence but knew he had to face the music sooner or later.
    
     
    
    "This is for calling me a toad."
    
     
    
    With a slight alteration to the maneuver he'd used on the cowboy, Shinobu angled his hip and threw the blonde off balance, into the air, and on his back in two seconds.Then, before Mitsuru could recover, he straddled the boy and pushed his shoulders down on the sand.
    
     
    
    "This is for calling me a bastard."Shinobu let himself fall carelessly on the other boy, his dead weight knocking the rest of Mitsuru's already deficient wind out of him.
    
     
    
    "And this is for finally coming to your senses."The last words were a whispered caress against Mitsuru's cheek. Shinobu bent swiftly over him and slashed his lips across the blonde's in a smoother, if no less enthusiastic, mimicry of their first kiss.
    
     
    
    There was no anger or spontaneity to hide behind this time, no plea of temporary insanity or crime of passion to use with the judge.The kiss was hot and passionate and consensual.Bodies that were previously tensed in anger and frustration turned pliant with desire and need.Tongues earlier utilized in verbal sparring suddenly found other, more pleasurable, uses. They darted across teeth, twined around each other, traced soft, swollen lips.
    
     
    
    And then, abruptly, it just wasn't enough.Shinobu relinquished his ravishing of Mitsuru's mouth and transferred his attentions to the jutting collarbones that peeked out from the blonde's T-shirt.He lavished each one with equal fervor, resting his nose briefly in the hollow of the boy's throat and inhaling his musk.Then, as Mitsuru moaned insistently, he continued his perusal of the boy's body, circling his Adam's apple with his tongue then suckling at his neck.
    
     
    
    Not to be outdone, Mitsuru clutched at Shinobu's hair, his fingertips tingling with sensitivity as they played with the silver-fine strands.He ran his hands down the column of his nape, teasing the soft fuzz there and making them stand up on end.He continued on, spreading his palms flat on the boy's muscled back.Then, grabbing a fistful of shirt, Mitsuru tugged, drawing Shinobu back up to a position where his mouth was more accessible.Mitsuru could not get enough of that mouth against his.So firm yet achingly tender at the same time.As they joined once again, Mitsuru felt himself answering Shinobu's initial hardening with one of his own.
    
     
    
    It was this, more than anything, that snapped Mitsuru out of his delirious haze.It was happening way too fast.He didn't mind in the least, but he also needed to be sure that they didn't do anything they would both regret later on.Mitsuru gently, reluctantly, broke contact and opened his eyes.Shinobu was an inscrutable shadow above him, blocking the moon and making it impossible for Mitsuru to determine his expression.The blonde swallowed nervously.
    
     
    
    "Is this…is this okay with you?"
    
     
    
    In response, Shinobu bent back down and nuzzled at his ear.It was supremely distracting, but it wasn't a satisfying answer.
    
     
    
    "Shin?Should we be…I mean, is this right?"
    
     
    
    Shinobu flicked his tongue expertly on Mitsuru's earlobe then sighed softly, the warmth of his breath a sharp contrast to the cool wetness his previous ministrations had left behind.Mitsuru shivered but stubbornly persisted.
    
     
    
    "Ahhh… isn't this…a bit…unprecedented?" The blonde congratulated himself at being able to use big words when his blood was pounding wildly in exciting places.
    
     
    
     
    
    Shinobu kept silent, his lips too busy discovering moan-inducing areas under Mitsuru's earlobe.
    
     
    
    "Maybe we should stop and…ohhhh!"
    
     
    
    "You talk too much." Shinobu effectively silenced the boy with a swift hand down the blonde's pants.He boldly brushed at Mitsuru's shaft with a questing palm.
    
     
    
    "Ohhh…okay, then.This is Mitsuru, shutting up now." 
    
     
    
    The boy finally gave up trying to be mature and surrendered to the exquisite pleasure of Shinobu's inventive hands.As he involuntarily arched his back in response to his body's desire, Mitsuru cast aside all thoughts of right and wrong, of "what if"s and "but then"s.Consequences be damned.Tonight was all that mattered.
    
     
    
    [Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well]
    
     
    
    "Are they still at it?"Moon emerged from the bungalow with three more Asahi longnecks in hand.Ryan always drank twice as much as he did.It was a given.
    
     
    
    Ryan's gaze was riveted on the couple several meters away.The darkness gave them a modicum of privacy but the full moon's light was bright enough for curious onlookers to accurately discern what they were doing.Luckily for the pair, the only voyeurs around were tolerant of their activities.Ryan reached out a hand to accept the proffered drinks and scooted over on the stoop to give his friend some room.They clinked bottles and resumed their watch.
    
     
    
    "Yup.Shinobu's got him on the ground.This is fascinating stuff."
    
     
    
    "Mhmm." Moon was noncommittal.He took a cautious swig of the beer.
    
     
    
    Ryan gulped his down with heartier enthusiasm, then leaned back on his elbows, sighing.The air was balmy, the beer was cold and his best friend was a comfortable presence by his side.He was content.The two boys enjoyed a companionable silence for a moment, sneaking furtive peeks at the action on the beach.They did try not to be too invasive, but there was really nothing else to focus on.More easy silence.The dull roar of the ocean.Then…
    
     
    
    "So do you do that?" Ryan queried offhandedly, unable to meet his friend's gaze.
    
     
    
    "Why, you curious?"With a wicked smirk, Moon sidled up closer to the boy and mockingly brushed at Ryan's bangs with a coy hand.
    
     
    
    "Knock it off!" Ryan jerked back good-naturedly but couldn't help the twinge of panic that leapt into his eyes.
    
     
    
    "Relax!" Moon chuckled, not offended."Can't a guy torment his best friend every once in a while?Besides, I think I hear a bit of curiosity in your tone there."
    
     
    
    "Shut up!It's not like that.I just feel weird being the only straight guy around here.Where are the fly honies when you need them?" Ryan took another pull from his bottle to mask his embarrassment from what he realized was an insensitive remark, considering the company.He really ought to start teaching his mouth to be still.
    
     
    
    Moon regarded his friend contemplatively.It was good to be with Ryan again, and he meant that in the most platonic sense.Moon had really missed him.For all his brash and obnoxious ways, Ryan had proven to be a talented musician, a wry comic and, for the most part, a solid friend.He had been the yang to Moon's yin; they had been good together.Their separation had eaten away at him so much that Moon had felt guilty but glad when Shinobu had called him.Yes, the news had been heart-breaking, but it had given him a reason to come to Japan and reconcile with his friend.
    
     
    
    Now that he was here, however, all the unresolved issues they'd had between them came rushing back.Moon did not want a repeat of what had happened before.Not now.Not when he'd promised Shinobu – and himself – that nothing would ruin Ryan's last hurrah.But he had to know where Ryan stood.So his next question was phrased as carefully and casually as possible.
    
     
    
    "Is this whole thing creeping you out?"
    
     
    
    "You know," Ryan paused thoughtfully. "Not really."
    
     
    
    "Liar!" Moon teased but dared to hope.
    
     
    
    "Wait!Hear me out, okay?"Ryan gulped down more beer and wished for the cigarettes Moon had peremptorily taken away from him earlier."I guess, after spending some time with them, I think I see things differently now.Oh sure, they aren't flaming gay or anything.I mean, shit! This is the first time I've even seen them go at it, you know?Those two have been in denial since I first met them.But I felt it, you know?Like I felt it with you."
    
     
    
    "That must have freaked you out.You leave one homo and then get two in the bargain," Moon was self-deprecating.
    
     
    
    "Will you quit it for just a sec?I'm trying to be all introspective here!"
    
     
    
    "Oh, sorry.Didn't mean to interrupt your introspective moment.Want me to take notes?"
    
     
    
    "If you don't shut up, I swear I'll…"
    
     
    
    "Kiss me?"
    
     
    
    "MOON!" Ryan was scandalized and shot up to make his escape.
    
     
    
    "Alright, alright!I'm kidding!Kidding, okay?" Moon laughed and pulled the boy back down on the stoop.
    
     
    
    Ryan sat, somewhat appeased but muttering suspiciously to himself about untrustworthy horndogs and his bad luck to be saddled with a whole passel them.
    
     
    
    "You were saying?" Moon prompted after a period of Sakata self-pity.
    
     
    
    "Well, so those two were eyeing each other like kids and the last piece of cake, you know?But neither one of them wanted to admit it.I gotta say, it was kinda fun playing them off the other.You shoulda seen Shinobu get all medieval on my ass when I flirted with Mitsuru."
    
     
    
    "You flirted with Mitsuru?" Moon choked on his beer.
    
     
    
    Ryan thumped his friend's back, grinning."Yeah.You would've been proud.And it was so fun getting them all riled up, you know?But when I thought about it some more, especially when I was in the hospital and had really nothing to do, I realized it was a game for me, but it wasn't for them.For them, it was really painful.I hear it hurts like that."
    
     
    
    "Yeah.It does." Moon said quietly.
    
     
    
    Ryan chose to ignore that.There was really nothing he could have said or done to make Moon's personal demons go away.And he didn't think Moon expected anything from him anyway.So he pressed on.
    
     
    
    "So I watched and I waited and okay, so I took notes.Happy now?But no matter how I looked at it, I came up with the same answer.They were guys, yeah.But they had this thing between them, you know?This vibe.Even if it was unspoken, it was there.It was real love, I guess."
    
     
    
    "And?"Moon held his breath.
    
     
    
    "And I think if two people really love each other, gender doesn't much factor into the equation."
    
     
    
    Ryan gulped down the dregs of his beer and realized he really meant what he'd said.It surprised him, but he realized that he'd known it all along and that only his pride and his stubbornness had kept him from acknowledging it sooner.He thought of every clichéd song lyric there ever was and conceded that they were clichéd for a reason.Love did transcend all boundaries; it could overcome all obstacles.
    
     
    
    And there were different kinds of love.Shinobu and Mitsuru's passion.Moon's patient friendship.His father's misdirected affection.Hell, Rufus probably loved in his own fashion too!So, since there were different kinds of love, it stood to good reason that these would be expressed in different kinds of ways.
    
     
    
    _Epiphany number two: I am not alone.I don't need to be strong by myself anymore.I can let other people be strong with me.For me.I can stop being scared now._
    
    _ _
    
    Life was funny, really.It took tragic news, the return of a prodigal and the frenzied lovemaking of two people no longer in denial to make him see what had been there all along.Ryan looked down at his empty beer bottle then back up at the shadowy couple on the sand.He smiled wryly and reached for his second beer.Holding it out across the space between him and his best friend, he offered up his bottle for a toast.
    
     
    
    "It's really a beautiful thing, isn't it?"
    
     
    
    Moon exhaled.He knew Ryan meant more than just what was implied.The blonde reached over and clinked his bottle against the other's in acknowledgment.
    
     
    
    "Yes, it really is."
    
     
    
    [Here's to the nights we felt alive] 
    
     
    
    Summer's end always seems so sad.Bittersweet.You can taste the change in the air.The heat isn't as harsh on your skin; the days draw to a close more quickly.Freedom slips from your grasp with a reluctant lingering of the fingertips.There is a sad sort of desperation in trying to hang on to it, but the welling feeling of resignation and inevitability is undeniable.
    
     
    
    So, instead, you focus on the today.Carpe diem.You fling yourself into a mad whirlwind of activity and manic fun, as if this will somehow slow the seconds, prolong the summer.What you're really doing, though, is adding to your stock of memories.So that later, when you find yourself alone and cold, and the snow is falling and it's dark and grey outside, you can pull out your little treasure box of summers past.You can open it carefully, making sure that none escape, and you can pull them out one by one and remember each color, each smell, each song that brings you back to the days when all was blithe and carefree.
    
     
    
    This will be my best summer memory.I know this already.I will never forget how we slept all day, shunning the sunlight like vampires, coming out only when the call of the moon's soft light lured us to play.How we conquered the midnight hour and turned it into forever as we sat by the warmth of a makeshift fire.How we talked about nothing in particular and tried to make sense out of life and the universe and our existence in it.How we fell into a strange camaraderie, our motley crew, drinking many beers to a point of happy drunkenness.How a night seemed like an eternity as we watched the stars wink goodbye and the sun slowly turned a velvet vastness into a violent palette of oranges and striated reds. 
    
     
    
    I will never forget falling into his arms as we stumbled indoors once more.How we unabashedly walked into the same room and firmly closed the door.How we whispered idiotic little phrases that would have felt awkward in daylight but was just right in that moment of hushed pre-dawn.How I taught him where to touch me and what to do to make me helpless with pleasure.How he taught me that mouths and lips and teeth and hands were quick learners.
    
     
    
    I will never forget this summer.I will never forget how he looked into my eyes for the first time and shared his heart with me.I will never forget the night Mitsuru told me he loved me.
    
     
    
    [Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry]
    
     
    
    I've stopped counting how many times Shinobu has lost his cool.In the span of a mere few weeks, I have witnessed him openly peeved, frustrated, angry and – best of all – deliriously happy.And it humbles me to think that I have been the catalyst to opening the dam.
    
     
    
    Shinobu loves me.How could I have been so blind?Well, maybe not blind, but stubbornly insistent that I could never be so lucky as to have been given such an amazing present.Shinobu loves me.
    
     
    
    We almost wasted this whole summer.We – I – should have listened to Ryan.He knew, damn him.And he'd been trying to tell me all along, but my fears and insecurities kept me from admitting it, even to myself.I could have lost him.I could have lost my chance.Because, knowing Shin, he would never have made the first move.He would have waited for me.That's just the kind of person he is.
    
     
    
    I can't stop thinking about him.The way his smile creeps up on his face when I put my hand on his shoulder.The way he says my name in that husky growl right before he swoops in and steals a kiss when he thinks no one is looking.The way he gets in bed.The way, at times, he seems to be the master of the situation then turns shy and hesitant when we're alone, as if even he can't believe this is happening between us.
    
     
    
    Like the night I told him I loved him.It seemed the thing to say.Ryan and Moon had gone back to the house for more marshmallows and the fire had sparked up suddenly, sending ashes flying.A stray ember had caught in his hair and I reached over to brush it away.I looked into his eyes and I blurted it out.I love you.And he started to cry.
    
     
    
    Not the chest-heaving, sobbing kind.I don't think Shin could ever lose control that much.But the tears did come and they trickled down his cheeks and I was horrified that I'd done something wrong and I was about to stumble away from him when he stopped me, pulled me close and hugged me.Just a hug.Nothing crazy.Nothing melodramatic.He just squeezed me tight.And right then and there, I knew.I knew I didn't want to lose him.I didn't want him to leave me.Ever.Shinobu loves me.And I love him right back.
    
     
    
    [Here's to goodbye; tomorrow's gonna come too soon]
    
     
    
    This is not happening.I refuse to be a witness to this.I am in denial.My best friend is not dying.
    
     
    
    I tell myself this and almost believe it because, for the past two days, he hasn't looked sick at all.He's been the same Ryan I've known – all sarcastic humor and self-deprecating wit.He still drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney.Damn.I should've hidden those cigarettes where he'd never have found them.Down my pants, perhaps?
    
     
    
    God, Moon, pining away much?It's no use.No matter how many times I tell myself I'm over him, that I'm just here to support my best friend, I still feel that tightening in my chest when I look at him.But that could also be partly sorrow.Because, when he thinks no one's watching, he lets his guard down and I see the fear and the grief and the resignation in his eyes.His beautiful, blue eyes.And it's tearing me up inside.
    
     
    
    I wrote a song for him.He found it, along with his cigarettes, in my duffel bag.I caught him reading it and it was kinda funny, the way we both looked guiltily at each other, for different reasons, of course.He knew it was about him.But he didn't say anything.Just stuffed the piece of paper in his back pocket and brushed past me.I thought that was it, then.I thought for sure he would just ignore me for the remainder of my stay.
    
     
    
    But that night, at the beach, by the fire, he proved me wrong.Mitsuru and Shinobu were trying to teach me some Japanese cuss words and I was failing dismally with the pronunciation when he came walking toward us with his guitar.The Martin acoustic.He didn't look at any of us.He just plopped down by the fire, closed his eyes and began to play.Shinobu had told me that he'd quit the guitar when I'd left him.So when I saw the Martin and when he started strumming, I couldn't help it.My eyeballs got all sweaty.I knew what he was saying.In his own way, he was telling me he loved me. He was playing my song.
    
     
    
    Tomorrow will not come.I refuse to say goodbye.My best friend is not dying.I almost believe it.
    
     
    
    [Put your name on the line, along with place and time]
    
    [Wanna stay…not to go…I wanna ditch the logical]
    
     
    
    When your number's up, you just gotta go.And you just gotta be a man about it. No whining or complaining.Hell, and definitely no crying.That would just make you a wimp.Your dignity would go down the toilet after that.And no one wants to be remembered that way.
    
     
    
    So what do I do to stop the lump in my throat from turning into a full-blown sob fest?I drink.I smoke.I fold paper cranes.Yeah, those damned cranes.I think I'm at about nine hundred now.Not enough for me to make my wish yet.But I don't believe in that fairy tale anymore.After all, I only had to get to eight fifty before Moon came back.
    
     
    
    And I don't think I can get to a thousand before I croak anyway.The doctors knew.I told them to lie to Mitsu and Shin, though; there was no way I'd be a downer and ruin their vacation too.So the guys think I've got, on the upside, a good two more months of spanking good health before I wither away and die.But I'm not gonna wither away.I think it's gonna come pretty quick.At least I hope so.
    
     
    
    I can't stand the headaches and the pain in my joints anymore.I hate that I'm tired all the damned time.I hate brushing my hair in the morning and pulling out hunks of it.I hate not being able to go out in the sun.And the fever's back.But I don't tell the guys.Not that the lovebirds would've noticed anyway.
    
     
    
    Moon's been great, though.Stoic little bastard.He knows more than he's letting on, but he just keeps it all in.That's Moon for you.I know he's leaving tomorrow so I hope I can hold out till then.I owe him that much.But, damn!The pills aren't working and it's really getting harder to breathe.So this is what it feels like to die.I wonder if Mom felt the same way?
    
    I called my dad the other day.When everyone else was asleep.I thought I could catch him, but no dice.So I left a message on his voice mail instead.I gave him the doctors' report and the name of the main guy who was in charge of my case; that dude deserves lots of money for putting up with my shit.I told him where I was, told him to kiss the secretary for me.I told him about Mitsu and Shin and how I was in good hands.I told him about Rufus sneaking into the liquor cabinet at home and how he swiped the good vodka.I told him I loved him.Then I said goodbye.
    
     
    
    Shit.Am I forgetting something?I feel like I'm packing for a trip and I need to take care of everything before I leave because I don't wanna come back to a big, fat mess.But this trip is one way, right?So I guess I'm worrying over nothing.Mitsu and Shin are together.Moon and I made up.I made my peace with my dad.Everything else can either wait or go to hell.
    
     
    
    All is good.So why the hell am I still folding these damn paper cranes?What else do I have to wish for?To live?For what?I hurt all over and I don't wanna be some bed-ridden vegetable.I wanna go quick like Morrisson or Hendrix.And I've had a good life, I think.I got to party hard with a coupla big name rock stars; got to live the whole sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle.Okay, maybe not the sex part…oh, shit!I'm gonna die a fucking virgin.Damn.So maybe that's something to live for, huh?
    
     
    
    But if my time's up, no thousand cranes is gonna keep me from checking out.I know my name's somewhere on a list.Let's just hope its Saint Peter's and not Satan's.Whoa, Ryan, head check!You're getting all religious, you ass.Maybe you should go find a beer…
    
     
    
    [Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well]
    
     

"Obon is a [Buddhist][1] festival that takes place in the middle of August during which memorial services are held for deceased ancestors. It is said that on Obon, the ancestors' spirits return to this world and visit their relatives. People traditionally hang lanterns in front of their houses in order to guide their ancestors' spirits. Food offerings are made at house altars and at [temples][2], and special dances (bon-odori) are performed. At the end of the festival, floating lanterns are put into rivers and seas to guide the spirits back into their world."

"Shin, do you ever let up with the learning?" Ryan lounged on the sand and threw wood chips into the fire."Coz, you know, in case you've forgotten, we're on summer break."

"For your information, I'm just sharing some knowledge with our guest," Shinobu retorted primly, shutting the book with an annoyed thump.

"It's okay, Shinobu.Ry's just being an ass, as usual.Here, dude, have another beer!" Moon tossed the boy a bottle and chuckled as Ryan hastily bolted up and juggled the ice-slick Asahi.

Mitsuru did not look up from the lantern he was fashioning, his tongue sticking out in concentration.Most of the conversation was lost to him anyway, his English not being as fluent as Shinobu's.He didn't mind, though.It just felt good sitting on the beach and enjoying the last dog days of summer with those closest to him.He had felt a twinge of guilt at the thought of not spending the holidays with his family, but when he'd explained the situation to them, his parents had actually encouraged him to stay.Sho hadn't been too thrilled, though.Mitsuru would have to make it up to the boy when he got home.

"There.Done." The blonde glued the last bit of bamboo to the rice paper and held up the lantern for all to see.His lover thought he looked like an adorable little boy showing off his first art project.

"It's beautiful." Shinobu complimented.

"It's perfect." Moon congratulated.

"It's lopsided." Ryan frowned and was immediately pelted with bottle caps by the other three."Okay, okay!It's beautiful and perfect, okay?Good job, Mitsu.Now quit chucking things at me.You know, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!"

Moon cast one last cap in his best friend's direction before subsiding contentedly by the fire.It was his last night and it couldn't have been more amazing.The evening sky was a deep indigo, cloudless and star-strung.The ocean breeze gusted at the shore, rippling at fire and hair and shifting sands.There were other people on the beach, holding their own Obon lanterns in preparation for the festivities to come.The resort had planned it so that anyone who wished could float their offerings at the same time.It promised to be a spectacular show of light and color.Not quite fireworks, but a gentle display more in keeping with the mood Moon was in.

"What time is it anyway?Shouldn't we be heading toward the water soon?" Ryan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked instinctively at their leader.

Shinobu glanced at his watch then peered at the other bonfires strewn along the beach."You're right. Let's go."

He got up smoothly and held out his hand to Mitsuru.Cradling the fragile lantern against his chest, the blonde gratefully accepted the help up.Moon looked questioningly at Ryan to see if he needed the same aid, but the boy remained reclined where he was.He waved at the other three imperiously.

"I changed my mind.I'll just stay here and guard the fort.I can see fine where I'm at.You go, Moon.It'll be fun."

"Are you sure?" Moon had that worried frown on his face again.

"Yeah, yeah.Quit mothering me.I'm just too lazy to get up," Ryan lied.

The truth was that he'd been having trouble breathing and lying down seemed to help ease the constriction in his lungs.He tried to be nonchalant for everyone's sake, though, and it seemed to work. Moon stood up with the other two, wiping at his pants to shake some of the sand off.
    
     
    
    "Hey, guys!Before you go, how about one more for the road?" Ryan waggled his bottle suggestively.
    
     
    
    "You're a lush!" Moon wrinkled his nose in mock disgust.
    
     
    
    "And you're queer.So we're even.Now, about that drink...?" 
    
     
    
    There was no rancor in Ryan's tone, only a fond wryness that his best friend found exasperating and endearing at the same time.It was hard to say no to him when he got like that.The little blonde sighed but picked up a beer.Mitsuru looked to Shinobu who shrugged and did the same, snagging one for his roommate.
    
     
    
    Bottles in hand, the three boys hovered over Ryan like harem girls over a rajah.The comparison made Ryan smirk but then he schooled his features to a properly solemn cast.Breathing shallowly and trying not to reveal his difficulty, he raised his bottle high.
    
     
    
    "To life, love and the pursuit of all things decadent!"
    
     
    
    "To life!" Moon echoed.
    
     
    
    "To love." Shinobu glanced at his roommate.
    
     
    
    "And the pursuit of all things decadent," Mitsuru returned his gaze and winked, letting Shinobu know that he understood what the word meant and that he would make good on his toast later on.
    
     
    
    The boys of summer clinked bottles and gulped down the frothy beverages with gusto.In that one magical moment, underneath a fey sky, enveloped in the warmth of friendship and a roaring fire, they felt invincible, like mighty deities trodding the earth beside unsuspecting mortals.Ryan watched as his friends left their drinks and walked toward the shore.Three glorious gods, each imprinting their own special mark on his heart.He would miss them all.
    
     
    
    [All my time is froze in motion]
    
     
    
    Shinobu held Mitsuru's hand as they watched the shimmering of a thousand lanterns bob on the surface of the black waters.Next to them, several people were casting disapproving glares their way but neither one noticed.They were too wrapped up in each other to care.
    
     
    
    The cold water rushed up to numb their bare feet and Shinobu shivered.Letting go of his hand, Mitsuru drew back behind him and encircled him in his arms instead, sharing his body's warmth.The blonde tucked his chin over Shinobu's shoulder, in the hollow above his collar bone, and gazed at the lanterns floating silently away.
    
     
    
    "I wish this could last forever."
    
     
    
    "I know."
    
     
    
    "But it can't, can it?"
    
     
    
    "With you, anything is possible."
    
     
    
    "I love you."
    
     
    
    "I know."
    
     
    
    Shinobu shifted around to face his lover.They looked at each other for a moment, then at the other people peppering the beach.They grinned at the same time.
    
     
    
    "Do you care?" Shinobu quirked up an eyebrow.
    
     
    
    "Not if you don't." Mitsuru answered with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
    
     
    
    And so they kissed.And they discovered that it just got better with every one they shared.They could have gone on like that forever.But then Moon screamed.
    
     
    
    [Can't I stay an hour or two or more?]
    
     
    
    Ryan felt himself falling heavily on the sand and was a bit surprised at the sudden loss of control over his limbs.Just a second ago, he had creakily gotten up and had been waving to Moon.Now he found himself prostrate on the ground, gasping for air like a fish out of water.He clutched at his left arm and wondered at the dull ache there.He wished it would go away.
    
     
    
    He had wanted to see the lanterns better and, although he did have a good vantage point because of the slight rise in the sand where they'd started their fire, his view had been blocked by several people in front of him.So he'd stood up at the same time that Moon had turned to check up on him.He had waved to signal that he was okay when his body had betrayed him.
    
     
    
    _No.Not yet.Not now.Hold on until Moon leaves.His flight is tomorrow.Wait for Dad.Maybe he got the message.He might be on his way now.No.Not yet.Please, God, not yet.Just a couple more hours…_
    
     
    
    Then Moon was above him, bending over him, yelling something.What was he saying?Other people were crowding around him.There were too many of them.He couldn't breathe.He couldn't see the stars.He wanted to see the stars…
    
     
    
    "Moon!What is it?What's wrong?" Shinobu reached him first, Mitsuru right on his heels, shoving curious onlookers away with an angry arm.
    
     
    
    "It's Ryan.He fell and he's getting all pale and it looks like he's stopped breathing and all these people…I don't understand what they're saying!Make them go away!Please!Just make them go away!" Moon gabbled hysterically, all the while pumping Ryan's chest in a vain attempt at CPR.
    
     
    
    Shinobu stood up and barked loudly at the crowd to back off.Beside him, Mitsuru started ordering people away as well.The blonde didn't need to understand Moon to realize what was going on.Ryan's waxen face told him all he needed to know.
    
     
    
    [Don't let me let you go]
    
     
    
    Moon continued to pound on his chest.
    
     
    
    "Don't you dare die now, you sorry son of a bitch!Do you know how much this plane ticket cost me?You owe me big time!You can't die now, damn you!"
    
     
    
    It wasn't working.Ryan's face was turning blue.Moon stopped the thumping and grabbed at his nose, leaned over to breath frantically in his mouth.Crazily, the blonde remembered Ryan's greeting that first day on the stoop.
    
     
    
    "If you're faking this to get some mouth to mouth, I swear I'll kill you myself!" Moon gasped as he surfaced for air.
    
     
    
    Ryan's face remained lifeless and still.
    
     
    
    "Ry?Ry!Ryan, wake up!Knock it off!This isn't funny anymore.Stop joking around, okay?Ryan, please wake up!Please!I just got you back…I don't want to let you go yet.Please?Ryan?I just want to say goodbye…"
    
     
    
    A hush fell over the crowd.Shinobu stopped in mid-bark and looked over his shoulder.Mitsuru was hunkered down next to Moon, his hand on the other boy's shoulder.The two blond heads were bowed in immeasurable grief, Moon whispering something softly.Ryan lay on his back, head tilted up, eyes wide and unseeing as if searching for something in the sky.
    
     
    
    An inexplicable urge made Shinobu turn away from the tragedy and look to the sea.He watched the lanterns.A thousand pinpricks of candle flame, burning brightly for the briefest of moments before flicker-fading, swallowed up by that good night.
    
     
    
    [Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well]
    
     
    
    Moon looked up bravely from the poem clutched in his trembling hands and felt proud that he'd finished strong.His voice had not broken once throughout the eulogy.Perhaps it had been the relative objectivity of speaking someone else's words; he hoped Ryan forgave him his plagiarism of Dylan Thomas.
    
     
    
    It was almost over.He was the last speaker.Once he stepped down from the podium, the priest would say the final prayer and then the pallbearers would lift up the casket and take him away.Forever.He would never see those blue eyes spark with laughter or spike with pain.Would never hear the husky voice that could alternate from sharp sarcasm to gentle crooning at the drop of a hat.Would never watch the fingers trip effortlessly along the frets of a Fender Stratocaster. 
    
     
    
    Moon almost lost it then as the memories washed over him.But he remembered how much Ryan hated crying and so took strength in the words he had just spoken.He glanced down at the poem once more and, through eyes blurry with tears, reread the last lines silently to himself.
    
     
    
    _Do not go gentle into that good night…rage, rage against the dying of the light… _
    
     
    
    Someone coughed.Another shifted, the rustle of fabric echoing loudly in the silent church.They were waiting for him to step down.His eyes swept over heads until they found Hiro Sakata's.Ryan's father met his gaze impassively.Then Moon blinked.For a split second, he could have sworn that he'd seen Ryan behind the man, his hands on his father's shoulders and grinning up at him, daring him…
    
     
    
    Moon didn't question it.All he knew was that the weight that had been crushing his heart for the past week suddenly disappeared and he was able to finish his speech with a tremulous smile.
    
     
    
    "If Ryan was here right now, I'm pretty sure he'd be laughing at us.He'd be asking where the beer was, cigarette stuck to his lips.He'd be listening to loud, raunchy music from the earphones perpetually stuck in his ears.And he'd be telling us that we were idiots for mourning him when he was living it up with fly honies in heaven.That's how I'd like to remember him, anyway.Ryan Sakata was a hell of a musician and a crazy son of a bitch.He was also my best friend.And I loved him."
    
     
    
    [Here's to the nights we felt alive]
    
    [Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry]
    
     
    
    "Shin?"
    
     
    
    "Hai."
    
     
    
    "What are you doing?It's late.Come to bed."
    
     
    
    "It's not so late.I still hear Hasukawa whining about failing his English exams."
    
     
    
    "I've managed to become immune to the little brat's voice.Now it's just like a cricket, ceaseless chirping that's only annoying when someone points it out.Thanks, Shin, for pointing it out."
    
     
    
    "My pleasure."
    
     
    
    Mitsuru groaned and dragged himself from the bottom bunk, wrapping the blanket around him and coming to stand behind his roommate who was by the window.With casual familiarity, he opened his arms and drew Shinobu into the folds of the downy softness, pulling the boy possessively against his bare chest.
    
     
    
    "What are you doing up anyway?I thought I'd finally managed to tire you out." Mitsuru nibbled at his ear.
    
     
    
    "Your efforts were much appreciated, but…" 
    
     
    
    "Much appreciated?That's it?That's all I get after that spectacular feat of intense lovemaking?Okay, 'fess up!Are you having…issues?" Mitsuru reached down and fondled his lover, his words teasing even as his actions took on a more serious cast.
    
     
    
    "Mitsu, do you know what today is?" Gently, so as not to be mistaken for a rejection, Shinobu guided his lover's hand away from his half-arousal and clutched it close to his chest instead.
    
     
    
    "August 15th?"
    
     
    
    "Hai."
    
     
    
    "And?"
    
     
    
    "I got an email from Moon today."
    
     
    
    "Oh." Mitsuru released the boy abruptly and went back to sit on the lower bunk.
    
     
    
    Shinobu sighed.This was going to be difficult.
    
     
    
    "Moon wanted us to do him a favor."
    
     
    
    "No."
    
     
    
    "Mitsu…"
    
     
    
    "No, Shin.I don't want to think about it."
    
     
    
    "It's been a year, Mitsuru.That's why Moon contacted me.He wanted us to go back to Okinawa and celebrate Obon there, in memory of – "
    
     
    
    "Stop!Don't!Don't say his name!"
    
     
    
    "Mitsuru, don't you think it's time to let it go?"
    
     
    
    "You don't get it, do you?You think it's that easy!Don't you think I've tried letting it go?But I can't!Everyone I love leaves me, Shin!First my real parents, then Ryan.What makes me so sure you won't leave me too?"
    
     
    
    Shinobu froze briefly as his sheer stupidity came crashing down on him.Of course!That was it!And to think he could have made the anger and fear that lurked in those amethyst eyes disappear long before this!The silver-haired boy left his watch by the window and approached his lover.Kneeling in front of him, he cupped Mitsuru's cheeks in his hands and forced him to look up.
    
     
    
    "Mitsuru, listen to me.Are you listening?" Shinobu jostled the blonde's head gently to get his attention.
    
     
    
    "I'm listening," Mitsuru grumbled and lifted his eyes to stare at the grey in acknowledgment.
    
     
    
    "I am not going anywhere.I will never leave you.I love you.Do you understand?"
    
     
    
    "But…"
    
     
    
    "I never thought you needed for me to say it; I thought my actions spoke for themselves."
    
     
    
    "They do, but…"
    
     
    
    "I'm not promising forever, Mitsuru.I'm not God.I don't know what tomorrow has in store for us.All I can guarantee is today.Today, I know that I'm not leaving you.And you know who we have to thank for today and all the other todays we've had, don't you?"
    
     
    
    "Ryan."
    
     
    
    "Hai."
    
     
    
    Mitsuru had dropped his eyes during Shinobu's speech, but at that whispered "hai", he looked up to meet his lover's gaze once more.The fear and anger that had skulked so long in those amethyst orbs were finally dissipating, to be replaced by sadness and acceptance.Shinobu knew it would take more than this one night of confession and unburdening to completely eradicate Mitsuru's anxieties, but at least it was out in the open now, not poisoning his mind with imagined horrors.The healing could finally begin.
    
     
    
    "Do you ever get tired, knowing you're always right?"
    
     
    
    _The healing could have manifested in a different way_, Shinobu grinned wryly to himself.Still, Mitsuru's whining was better than the festering moroseness that had plagued the blonde for the past year.And it was infinitely more attractive than Hasukawa's.He released the blonde's face and stood up, relieved that the tension was slinking from the room on little cat feet.Shinobu put on his most haughty expression and prepared to have some fun with his lover.
    
     
    
    "It is a monumental burden that I bear with great patience and fortitude." The silver-haired boy announced in that pompous manner he knew drove Mitsuru up the wall.
    
     
    
    "I hate it when you talk like that!"
    
     
    
    "I know."
    
     
    
    "But you do it anyway."
    
     
    
    "I know."
    
     
    
    "On purpose.To annoy me."
    
     
    
    "Yes.But that's why you love me, ne?"
    
     
    
    Mitsuru stood up and let the blanket fall from his shoulders.Shinobu tensed imperceptibly as he gazed with growing hunger at the blonde's muscled chest and firm stomach.Mitsuru watched the transformation from mock condescension to passionate desire and marveled once again at the effect he had on his lover.
    
     
    
    His lover.Shinobu was right.Maybe they would have realized their feelings for each other eventually, but then again, maybe not.They both had Ryan to thank for proving the catalyst, however inadvertent, to their relationship.And they owed it to him to grant his best friend's wish.
    
     
    
    They would go to Okinawa and light the lantern and think of summers past.They would start a bonfire and raise bottles in toast of his memory.They would finally say goodbye.But they would never forget.
    
     
    
    "Yes, koi.That's why I love you."
    
     
    
    [Here's to goodbye; tomorrow's gonna come too soon]

   [1]: http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2055.html
   [2]: http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2058.html



End file.
